Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
The connections are back with some of the Communication Centers, so I was able to call my sisters, and feel reassured about them.
Our affairs changed very much from what it used to be before the war. We always get back home before the Sunset Prayer Call…that is, before it gets dark, because the incidents of killing and thieving increase with darkness. With sunset, we close the main gate, and when the bill rings, Raid goes out to the garden, carrying a Kalashnikov, and behind him would be Azzam, and Khalid, and Majid…
And the visitor would turn out to be one of the neighbors, or a family whose car had ran out of petrol, so we take pity upon them and help them, and we fall to laughing, mocking the irony of the way we look, as if we were living in a jungle without security. The feelings of security and trust fell away from among the people, and no one knows from where calamity would strike.
I look at the (Al-Muwajahaa Newspaper: Confrontation), edited by a group of young men, Majid among them. It carries various articles….. There is an Article about the Society of Free Prisoners, who was trying to locate the missing Political Prisoners, and there is a continuous, daily wailing to look for mass graves, and the secret tunnels and underground prisons. We all feel sad; we all call the curse of GOD upon the unjust people.
Another Article talks about some Palestinian families who were thrown out of their houses, and are now living in tents in a sports club, while the Iraqi Red Crescent is trying to help them humaniterily, they are about 240 families. I do not know the reason of such a frantic hostility, for these are not the Iraqis manners…
Some of these families traveled to Jordan, as they had Jordanian passports. But the others who had Palestinian- Iraqi traveling documents, no one received them, or recognized them, or issued a visa for them… I don't know what is the guilt these people committed, and why were they cornered suddenly…there is some ambiguity in this story.
In another article in the newspaper, there is a part of an interview of the American press with Ramesfeild, in Washington, D.C., as he comments on what is happening in Iraq: "It is chaos, and freedom is chaos, they are free even to make mistakes and commit crimes, and act wrongful deeds…."
I don't know how these people think??? Do they live like this in America?? People killing, looting, and committing all sins, is this really The Freedom??
There is also an article about a theatre group of Iraqi young men and women, who entered Al-Rashid Theatre, that was destroyed by the bombing, and among the debris, performed a spontaneous play, called " They passed through here"……..meaning the forces of invasion and destruction. The audience consisted of some journalists, and the friends and relatives of the actors.
The actors wondered, while on a broken theatre: What exactly is freedom?
The play said that Iraq survived war, yet war is not over yet, what is over is only one face of it, the face of bombs and missiles. Now it is time for the war of the spirit, and as the winner in the bombs war is the more technologically advanced, so the winner of the spirit war shall be the most loving….
Still there was one more article, which frightened me the most, and I didn't believe it, and I felt afraid for Majid because of it, because he was the one who made the interviews, with a group of Jordanian and Palestinian University students who study in Iraqi Universities, whose houses were raided, they were detained with severe cruelty, some of them in their night clothes, and they were taken to the prisoners of war detention camp in Um-Qaser. Some of them were released after two weeks of panic, insults, and silly questions like: Where is Saddam Hussein? Or, describe your self to us, then they laugh at them, and jeer…
I could not believe…. But Majid swears they are truthful, that they shall leave Iraq immediately, abandoning their studies, while the rest of their colleagues are still detained, their fate unknown…some of them were students who are members of old Palestinian Organizations, like Fateh, or the Public Front.
Who informed about them, and where did the lists of their names and addresses come from??
A very fishy story, and one that raises suspicions… and then, what is the benefit of the American army in all these matters? Or perhaps the Mosad are here, and these are their duties…
I don't know, everything is possible…and maybe the days shall carry answers with them.
Most of the newspapers issued after the war, clap for the occupation forces, publish news about following Saddam and his aids, and Bin Laden… about huge projects that will soon retrieve life back to the Iraqis, and we are all awaiting impatiently the re-building of Iraq.
****************************
Thursday, June 12th, 2003
Strong explosions at the Airport Street… at 4p.m., then at 10 p.m....
The daily comments of people are: What is the use of these explosions? And if American soldiers were killed in it… that will not change the policy of the American administration, so as to pull out their troops…
Even if half of the American army was killed here…they will send replacements. So, the matter for them is worth their sacrifices, for the sake of their interests. But, what shall we gain??
Nothing but pain, chaos, and the lack of security….
I don't know… I find my self frustrated, and at a loss to what is happening.
******************
Friday, June 13th, 2003 - Monday, June 30th, 2003
Various events…
First: A new car arrived, a Mercedes that Azzam bought from U.A.E... Baghdad is filling with new cars, from all models and brands. As if people were repressed, and now, their dreams has come true… but traffic jams are increasing in Baghdad…the subject needs a serious study, for this chaos is full of foolishness, and poor planning….
We received new merchandise for the shop. This is the first time after the war, but the expenses of the transportation and insurance are very high, that we will be forced to raise the prices of filters, and other items, and we shall explain the reasons to all the customers…so they wouldn't get mad…
The generator got burned up, and we bought a new, bigger one, to endure working most of the daily hours, as there seems to be no apparent improvements in the electricity conditions.
I took a new Computer course at the institute…
But a strange thing occurred… we were amazed, all the family opened their mouths, then stared into each other's eyes, unbelieving…
We had an engineer working in the shop with us as a partner since we opened up, a Christian; he is very polite and honest. A lot of the administrative transactions were carried out by him, so we gave him a lot of authorities to ease the work… the shop rent contract was in his name, so was the membership card of the Iraqi Chamber of Commerce, and the Importation License… there was an amount of high trust between us, he received a high salary, and a yearly percentage of sales profits.
We saw nothing of him after the war….we thought his house was far away so he couldn't get to work… and as the telephones were cut, there were no communications.
He sent a letter two days ago, by some messenger, saying he wanted the shops, for they belong to him, and he was threatening to use legal methods if we do not go and negotiate with him.
We found this a surrealistic story…..
There was no written agreement between us saying this property belongs to us… and he could rob us, and destroy the whole family…
We remained in bewilderment, for this was the last thing to expect…. This war revealed the vileness in some people's souls, and made it a legal right… our world turned into a jungle, each possessing the opportunity to ravish another…would not hesitate…
What is happening in the world???
I don't get it.
***********************************
July 1st. – July 5th. , 2003
Negotiations with engineer Nabeel to solve the problem, and condescend the rent contracts and Chamber of Commerce card in our favor… I do not know how he changed his name, but I think Raid had a major role in the matter… Raid always respected him, and used to call him 'Uncle Nabeel'… we visited him often in his house, my sons love his, play with them, and pamper them, because they are much younger than our boys… after that silly message, Raid was so angry, and felt sad because of this shameful conduct, then, by chance, he met Engineer Nabeel at some friend's door, Raid shouted in his face: If you wouldn't give up the contracts, I shall come to your house with my friends, and show you how to reconsider…and I want to come to an understanding with you in front of your wife and children…
It seemed that those words frightened him, and made him give up… Azzam and I refused the idea of threatening him, because we don't want to be scum, like him… but the method of Raid worked…
The man came begging, asked for an amount of money, signed a quitting paper, then withdrew from our lives…
But the blow was severe on us…
Trust in others makes people happy, and gives reassurance, but today we feel a great bitterness, and fear of what will happen latter…
We have to look for another engineer, to join us in carrying the loads of the job, and its problem…where shall we find him in these hard conditions???
The trust is no more, between people….
*********************************
Monday, July 7th., 2003
We were surprised to find the locks of the shop broken, in the morning; there was an unsuccessful attempt to break into the shop at night… I was much annoyed… nothing like this happened, since we opened up in 1998. I remained tense all morning…and sent someone to buy me new locks…
I felt things were getting much worse by the lack of security, and the absence of a state, the police force, and an army…
Two days ago, a shop nearby us was robbed; it used to sell Satellite Systems… it was found in the morning swept clean of everything. And here are the thieves trying their luck with our shop…
*********************************
Tuesday, July 8 th., 2003
At about 11 a.m. , in the shop… a relative of Azzam's came to ask for him…it seemed he quarreled with the owner of the building about the new rents, who asked him to evacuate the store building they usually hire from him… I didn't exactly understand what happened, but I saw the building owner come into the shop, and start beating Azzam's relative, so the other employees pushed him outside the shop…into the street. I saw him get mad, he carried a wooden chair and started smashing all the shop windows.…the whole glass front became fragments, the shelves fell to the floor, the filters on them were broken, and I heard the curses and filthy words…you are Palestinians, curse your fathers, and curse Saddam who brought you to Iraq…
Oh, my God, this was the first time ever I heard such malicious talk from an Iraqi against an Arab living in Iraq…there is someone behind nourishing this poisonous speech.
This is a new speech, which we never heard here before…
I watched the whole act coldly, never moving from my seat…I said to my self, he might hit me, or call me names, and filthy words which I wouldn't endure, so I preferred to remain silent.
I called by Intercom, between the shop and our office where Azzam works, and told him quietly: Come quickly to the shop, I have a problem; there is a mad man who attacked us and broke the front window….. In a few moments Azzam came…. The sight of the shop was amazing, as if a hurricane had passed through… the goods were upside down, and things were broken… every thing was clean, tidy, and beautiful a few minutes ago….
***********************************
Azzam went out, and returned shortly with a few Humvees, and some American soldiers, they looked around, asked a few questions, then apologized that this wasn't their concern, there is a new police station at Yarmouk, go and file a complaint there…that's what they said, then left…
Azzam went out to the police station…
Many customers came along, and they stood and contemplated the sad sight of the shop, they inquired, then sympathized…
I used to tell them: This is the heritage that Saddam Hussein left for us… but today, I do not think that Saddam Hussein alone was the reason, this war, the fall of the state, the absence of authority, all these revealed out the hidden, ugly faces of some people… faces full of evil and hatred, to others, and probably to themselves…. Perhaps evil can prevail and spread in the air, like smoke….
The Iraqi police car came with Azzam, I felt happy, rose up from my seat, and stood looking at them walking on the sidewalk… they brought the aggressor, his head bowed, his hands behind his back…he stood in front of me… I was going to explode in anger. I told him: You do not have the dignity of men; you are a man without honor. Didn't you feel ashamed; didn't you say this is my neighbor, a woman?? How did you allow your self to enter my shop and smash it like a raging bull?? Where did you learn these manners??
I wished I could have spat in his face, but my manners wouldn't let me.
The police car took him away…where he signed an apology paper, and vowed to repair the damages at his cost….
*************************************************
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, July 9-11th., 2003
I didn't go to work… my temper was upset… imagining that animal every now and then, attacking the shop, and breaking it…
Feeling the loss of security is a fearful thing….. It assailed me, giving me a severe distress, and deep silence.
What is happening to us??? Chaos is raking our lives, shattering our unity… we became like strangers, each afraid of the other's betrayal….
*************************************
Sunday, July 13 th., 2003
The first meeting of the Governing Council.
People are divided…some are optimistic, finding these people the core to establish a new Iraqi state… the others consider them without any legitimacy, as Premer, the civil Governor, appointed them…by the presence of the occupying forces…
I don't know who of us is right…
The coming days will show us more, clearing the picture.
*******************************
Thursday, July 17 th , 2003
We employed anew person, and we have a new project he shall be responsible for… today he informed me that his car was stolen from the garage yesterday, inside of which there were 10 water purifying systems, for hospitals.
An unconvincing story, suspicions point to the new employee, but we have no evidence.
What is happening to us, mishaps never seem to stop…as if a curse has struck us all…
*************************************
Tuesday, July 22 nd , 2003
An historic day… a house in Mousel was bombed, in it there were Uday, Qusay and his son…
All three were killed…
*****************
Wednesday, Thursday, July 23 nd – 24 th , 2003
Their pictures are all over the newspapers…. I can't believe, no one does… what a terrible end. They say every one's end resembles his own life… yes; their end was cruel and ugly…like their lives.
Who shall learn the lesson? I see people like fools, eating up each other…not caring for the lessons before their eyes.
*************************************
Friday, July 25 th, 2003
Azzam came from Amman, by land… his face was pale… he said their car was stopped by an armed group, and they robbed his wallet, watch, and wedding ring.
We remained in amazement…what is happening to us??
No one has an explanation….
The occupation forces are filling the streets…but they are useless… why are they here?? What are they doing???
********************************** Sunday, July 27 th, 2003
I read a subtitle on the satellite channels…the assassination of Dr. Muhammad Al-Rawii, in his clinic, in front of his wife and patients, in the evening.
What insolence, what a waste to Iraq.
He was an intelligent, brilliant mind, and a leading character….
He was chairman of the Doctor's Union, the head Dean of Baghdad University….and before all that; he was a close friend of my three, doctor brothers, since their school days… my late mother, GOD bless her soul, used to love him a lot, treating him like one of her own boys...
My heart was wrung in sadness for him, for his wife and three boys. I couldn't go to the funeral… all my brothers and sisters went. I don't know….I preferred to stay away, and be content with my sadness, without seeing his wife and children… for that will increase my pains…and I am ready for no more…
I only went to condole my brother, for he was his childhood friend… I found him pale and broken…I cried, felling the weakness and injustice…but all of us are helpless… there are some new, unknown enemies…surrounding us, destroying our lives… while we are stunned….
***************************************
August, 1st., 2003
Khalid finished his University exams, and went to work with an Italian, non-governmental Organization, (A Bridge to…..), with Simona Torrita…we all love her, and treat her like one of the family. Raid works with (Civic) organization, doing a count for the Iraqi dead and wounded civilians, they almost finished the task, and he is preparing to establish an Iraqi, non-governmental organization, ( I'IMAR – Renovation), to rebuild the Iraqi civic society, in Baghdad and the southern provinces.
Majid works in the Al-Muwajahaa Newspaper- (Confrontation), and with Raid.
Azzam is always busy working, and traveling…
And I hide at home, after work…reading the Holy Quran, and various books, away from the world, the people, and the daily disaster news.
**********************************Saturday, August 2 nd., 2003
Uday, Qusay and his son, Mustapha, were buried in Tikreet…
The sight was painful, and cruel…but these are the ways of the world… who learns???
**********************************
Thursday, August 7 th., 2003
A dark, sad day…the disastrous exploding of the Jordanian Embassy… a trapped car was standing in front of it. The dead and wounded are Iraqi civilians…who gets the benefits of such criminal acts???
No one knows….
**********************
My youngest sister and her daughters traveled to Amman, fearful of threats… her husband is in Amman…he went for medical treatment, but didn't come back.
I was sad by the separation…but her safety is more important…I will have to be patient…
*****************************
Tuesday, August 19 th., 2003
The exploding of Al-Qanat Hotel, the United Nations Headquarters, another disaster…and another dark, sad day….
The death of De Melio under the debris…along with 23 people, and another 100 wounded. The dead and wounded are a mixture of Arabs and Foreigners. We cried for them all… putting our hands over our open mouths, in panic and amazement…
What is happening to us?? Where did those criminals come from??? Iraq became the field of confrontations, killings and destruction?? And we are dreaming of building a new country…. What is happening here??? Who is tearing apart our dreams, and making fun of us??
*********************************
Thursday, August 21 st., 2003
I sit at home after I get back from work, lonely, afraid, and depressed. I have a feeling that the times of joy are finished in our lives…that sorrows and mishaps are falling over us…
Saddam Hussein fell…we thought that evil was eliminated from the world…. But today we see greater evils….
What is happening?? Where are we going to??
***************************
Friday, August 29 th., 2003
The exploding of a trapped car in Najaf, and the killing of Ayyatullah Baqir Al-Hakeem…the Shia'at leader… hundreds of Iraqis dead and wounded.
Oh, my God…our live is turning into a nightmare…
*****************************
September, 2003
We went to Amman… Raid, Salam, and Simona in one car. Khalid, Majid, and I in another.
Amman, quietness, security, and another world….but it’s a world in which I smell forbidding, and estrangement.
I miss Baghdad….and can not forget her…
The boys go out with their friends…and I remain in the apartment, sitting on a chair in the glass balcony…staring at the city streets and buildings, day and evening….
How lovely is the security and quiet….. I wish them to Iraq, and the people of Iraq…
I do feel a deep forbidding, and miss Baghdad…
*****************************
October, 2003 – till the end of the year…
Raid works with ( I'IMAR) organization…
Khalid and Majid are at school and University…
The rhythm of life is worrying, scary, and gloomy…security dwindles day by day... trapped cars, explosions, and continuous assassinations…. The governing council has no authority to improve the conditions.
The coalition forces roam the streets night and day, but no improvements came to our lives. Things are moving to the worst…. And GOD only knows where we are heading….
*************************************
Translated by May/ Baghdad.
The connections are back with some of the Communication Centers, so I was able to call my sisters, and feel reassured about them.
Our affairs changed very much from what it used to be before the war. We always get back home before the Sunset Prayer Call…that is, before it gets dark, because the incidents of killing and thieving increase with darkness. With sunset, we close the main gate, and when the bill rings, Raid goes out to the garden, carrying a Kalashnikov, and behind him would be Azzam, and Khalid, and Majid…
And the visitor would turn out to be one of the neighbors, or a family whose car had ran out of petrol, so we take pity upon them and help them, and we fall to laughing, mocking the irony of the way we look, as if we were living in a jungle without security. The feelings of security and trust fell away from among the people, and no one knows from where calamity would strike.
I look at the (Al-Muwajahaa Newspaper: Confrontation), edited by a group of young men, Majid among them. It carries various articles….. There is an Article about the Society of Free Prisoners, who was trying to locate the missing Political Prisoners, and there is a continuous, daily wailing to look for mass graves, and the secret tunnels and underground prisons. We all feel sad; we all call the curse of GOD upon the unjust people.
Another Article talks about some Palestinian families who were thrown out of their houses, and are now living in tents in a sports club, while the Iraqi Red Crescent is trying to help them humaniterily, they are about 240 families. I do not know the reason of such a frantic hostility, for these are not the Iraqis manners…
Some of these families traveled to Jordan, as they had Jordanian passports. But the others who had Palestinian- Iraqi traveling documents, no one received them, or recognized them, or issued a visa for them… I don't know what is the guilt these people committed, and why were they cornered suddenly…there is some ambiguity in this story.
In another article in the newspaper, there is a part of an interview of the American press with Ramesfeild, in Washington, D.C., as he comments on what is happening in Iraq: "It is chaos, and freedom is chaos, they are free even to make mistakes and commit crimes, and act wrongful deeds…."
I don't know how these people think??? Do they live like this in America?? People killing, looting, and committing all sins, is this really The Freedom??
There is also an article about a theatre group of Iraqi young men and women, who entered Al-Rashid Theatre, that was destroyed by the bombing, and among the debris, performed a spontaneous play, called " They passed through here"……..meaning the forces of invasion and destruction. The audience consisted of some journalists, and the friends and relatives of the actors.
The actors wondered, while on a broken theatre: What exactly is freedom?
The play said that Iraq survived war, yet war is not over yet, what is over is only one face of it, the face of bombs and missiles. Now it is time for the war of the spirit, and as the winner in the bombs war is the more technologically advanced, so the winner of the spirit war shall be the most loving….
Still there was one more article, which frightened me the most, and I didn't believe it, and I felt afraid for Majid because of it, because he was the one who made the interviews, with a group of Jordanian and Palestinian University students who study in Iraqi Universities, whose houses were raided, they were detained with severe cruelty, some of them in their night clothes, and they were taken to the prisoners of war detention camp in Um-Qaser. Some of them were released after two weeks of panic, insults, and silly questions like: Where is Saddam Hussein? Or, describe your self to us, then they laugh at them, and jeer…
I could not believe…. But Majid swears they are truthful, that they shall leave Iraq immediately, abandoning their studies, while the rest of their colleagues are still detained, their fate unknown…some of them were students who are members of old Palestinian Organizations, like Fateh, or the Public Front.
Who informed about them, and where did the lists of their names and addresses come from??
A very fishy story, and one that raises suspicions… and then, what is the benefit of the American army in all these matters? Or perhaps the Mosad are here, and these are their duties…
I don't know, everything is possible…and maybe the days shall carry answers with them.
Most of the newspapers issued after the war, clap for the occupation forces, publish news about following Saddam and his aids, and Bin Laden… about huge projects that will soon retrieve life back to the Iraqis, and we are all awaiting impatiently the re-building of Iraq.
****************************
Thursday, June 12th, 2003
Strong explosions at the Airport Street… at 4p.m., then at 10 p.m....
The daily comments of people are: What is the use of these explosions? And if American soldiers were killed in it… that will not change the policy of the American administration, so as to pull out their troops…
Even if half of the American army was killed here…they will send replacements. So, the matter for them is worth their sacrifices, for the sake of their interests. But, what shall we gain??
Nothing but pain, chaos, and the lack of security….
I don't know… I find my self frustrated, and at a loss to what is happening.
******************
Friday, June 13th, 2003 - Monday, June 30th, 2003
Various events…
First: A new car arrived, a Mercedes that Azzam bought from U.A.E... Baghdad is filling with new cars, from all models and brands. As if people were repressed, and now, their dreams has come true… but traffic jams are increasing in Baghdad…the subject needs a serious study, for this chaos is full of foolishness, and poor planning….
We received new merchandise for the shop. This is the first time after the war, but the expenses of the transportation and insurance are very high, that we will be forced to raise the prices of filters, and other items, and we shall explain the reasons to all the customers…so they wouldn't get mad…
The generator got burned up, and we bought a new, bigger one, to endure working most of the daily hours, as there seems to be no apparent improvements in the electricity conditions.
I took a new Computer course at the institute…
But a strange thing occurred… we were amazed, all the family opened their mouths, then stared into each other's eyes, unbelieving…
We had an engineer working in the shop with us as a partner since we opened up, a Christian; he is very polite and honest. A lot of the administrative transactions were carried out by him, so we gave him a lot of authorities to ease the work… the shop rent contract was in his name, so was the membership card of the Iraqi Chamber of Commerce, and the Importation License… there was an amount of high trust between us, he received a high salary, and a yearly percentage of sales profits.
We saw nothing of him after the war….we thought his house was far away so he couldn't get to work… and as the telephones were cut, there were no communications.
He sent a letter two days ago, by some messenger, saying he wanted the shops, for they belong to him, and he was threatening to use legal methods if we do not go and negotiate with him.
We found this a surrealistic story…..
There was no written agreement between us saying this property belongs to us… and he could rob us, and destroy the whole family…
We remained in bewilderment, for this was the last thing to expect…. This war revealed the vileness in some people's souls, and made it a legal right… our world turned into a jungle, each possessing the opportunity to ravish another…would not hesitate…
What is happening in the world???
I don't get it.
***********************************
July 1st. – July 5th. , 2003
Negotiations with engineer Nabeel to solve the problem, and condescend the rent contracts and Chamber of Commerce card in our favor… I do not know how he changed his name, but I think Raid had a major role in the matter… Raid always respected him, and used to call him 'Uncle Nabeel'… we visited him often in his house, my sons love his, play with them, and pamper them, because they are much younger than our boys… after that silly message, Raid was so angry, and felt sad because of this shameful conduct, then, by chance, he met Engineer Nabeel at some friend's door, Raid shouted in his face: If you wouldn't give up the contracts, I shall come to your house with my friends, and show you how to reconsider…and I want to come to an understanding with you in front of your wife and children…
It seemed that those words frightened him, and made him give up… Azzam and I refused the idea of threatening him, because we don't want to be scum, like him… but the method of Raid worked…
The man came begging, asked for an amount of money, signed a quitting paper, then withdrew from our lives…
But the blow was severe on us…
Trust in others makes people happy, and gives reassurance, but today we feel a great bitterness, and fear of what will happen latter…
We have to look for another engineer, to join us in carrying the loads of the job, and its problem…where shall we find him in these hard conditions???
The trust is no more, between people….
*********************************
Monday, July 7th., 2003
We were surprised to find the locks of the shop broken, in the morning; there was an unsuccessful attempt to break into the shop at night… I was much annoyed… nothing like this happened, since we opened up in 1998. I remained tense all morning…and sent someone to buy me new locks…
I felt things were getting much worse by the lack of security, and the absence of a state, the police force, and an army…
Two days ago, a shop nearby us was robbed; it used to sell Satellite Systems… it was found in the morning swept clean of everything. And here are the thieves trying their luck with our shop…
*********************************
Tuesday, July 8 th., 2003
At about 11 a.m. , in the shop… a relative of Azzam's came to ask for him…it seemed he quarreled with the owner of the building about the new rents, who asked him to evacuate the store building they usually hire from him… I didn't exactly understand what happened, but I saw the building owner come into the shop, and start beating Azzam's relative, so the other employees pushed him outside the shop…into the street. I saw him get mad, he carried a wooden chair and started smashing all the shop windows.…the whole glass front became fragments, the shelves fell to the floor, the filters on them were broken, and I heard the curses and filthy words…you are Palestinians, curse your fathers, and curse Saddam who brought you to Iraq…
Oh, my God, this was the first time ever I heard such malicious talk from an Iraqi against an Arab living in Iraq…there is someone behind nourishing this poisonous speech.
This is a new speech, which we never heard here before…
I watched the whole act coldly, never moving from my seat…I said to my self, he might hit me, or call me names, and filthy words which I wouldn't endure, so I preferred to remain silent.
I called by Intercom, between the shop and our office where Azzam works, and told him quietly: Come quickly to the shop, I have a problem; there is a mad man who attacked us and broke the front window….. In a few moments Azzam came…. The sight of the shop was amazing, as if a hurricane had passed through… the goods were upside down, and things were broken… every thing was clean, tidy, and beautiful a few minutes ago….
***********************************
Azzam went out, and returned shortly with a few Humvees, and some American soldiers, they looked around, asked a few questions, then apologized that this wasn't their concern, there is a new police station at Yarmouk, go and file a complaint there…that's what they said, then left…
Azzam went out to the police station…
Many customers came along, and they stood and contemplated the sad sight of the shop, they inquired, then sympathized…
I used to tell them: This is the heritage that Saddam Hussein left for us… but today, I do not think that Saddam Hussein alone was the reason, this war, the fall of the state, the absence of authority, all these revealed out the hidden, ugly faces of some people… faces full of evil and hatred, to others, and probably to themselves…. Perhaps evil can prevail and spread in the air, like smoke….
The Iraqi police car came with Azzam, I felt happy, rose up from my seat, and stood looking at them walking on the sidewalk… they brought the aggressor, his head bowed, his hands behind his back…he stood in front of me… I was going to explode in anger. I told him: You do not have the dignity of men; you are a man without honor. Didn't you feel ashamed; didn't you say this is my neighbor, a woman?? How did you allow your self to enter my shop and smash it like a raging bull?? Where did you learn these manners??
I wished I could have spat in his face, but my manners wouldn't let me.
The police car took him away…where he signed an apology paper, and vowed to repair the damages at his cost….
*************************************************
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, July 9-11th., 2003
I didn't go to work… my temper was upset… imagining that animal every now and then, attacking the shop, and breaking it…
Feeling the loss of security is a fearful thing….. It assailed me, giving me a severe distress, and deep silence.
What is happening to us??? Chaos is raking our lives, shattering our unity… we became like strangers, each afraid of the other's betrayal….
*************************************
Sunday, July 13 th., 2003
The first meeting of the Governing Council.
People are divided…some are optimistic, finding these people the core to establish a new Iraqi state… the others consider them without any legitimacy, as Premer, the civil Governor, appointed them…by the presence of the occupying forces…
I don't know who of us is right…
The coming days will show us more, clearing the picture.
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Thursday, July 17 th , 2003
We employed anew person, and we have a new project he shall be responsible for… today he informed me that his car was stolen from the garage yesterday, inside of which there were 10 water purifying systems, for hospitals.
An unconvincing story, suspicions point to the new employee, but we have no evidence.
What is happening to us, mishaps never seem to stop…as if a curse has struck us all…
*************************************
Tuesday, July 22 nd , 2003
An historic day… a house in Mousel was bombed, in it there were Uday, Qusay and his son…
All three were killed…
*****************
Wednesday, Thursday, July 23 nd – 24 th , 2003
Their pictures are all over the newspapers…. I can't believe, no one does… what a terrible end. They say every one's end resembles his own life… yes; their end was cruel and ugly…like their lives.
Who shall learn the lesson? I see people like fools, eating up each other…not caring for the lessons before their eyes.
*************************************
Friday, July 25 th, 2003
Azzam came from Amman, by land… his face was pale… he said their car was stopped by an armed group, and they robbed his wallet, watch, and wedding ring.
We remained in amazement…what is happening to us??
No one has an explanation….
The occupation forces are filling the streets…but they are useless… why are they here?? What are they doing???
********************************** Sunday, July 27 th, 2003
I read a subtitle on the satellite channels…the assassination of Dr. Muhammad Al-Rawii, in his clinic, in front of his wife and patients, in the evening.
What insolence, what a waste to Iraq.
He was an intelligent, brilliant mind, and a leading character….
He was chairman of the Doctor's Union, the head Dean of Baghdad University….and before all that; he was a close friend of my three, doctor brothers, since their school days… my late mother, GOD bless her soul, used to love him a lot, treating him like one of her own boys...
My heart was wrung in sadness for him, for his wife and three boys. I couldn't go to the funeral… all my brothers and sisters went. I don't know….I preferred to stay away, and be content with my sadness, without seeing his wife and children… for that will increase my pains…and I am ready for no more…
I only went to condole my brother, for he was his childhood friend… I found him pale and broken…I cried, felling the weakness and injustice…but all of us are helpless… there are some new, unknown enemies…surrounding us, destroying our lives… while we are stunned….
***************************************
August, 1st., 2003
Khalid finished his University exams, and went to work with an Italian, non-governmental Organization, (A Bridge to…..), with Simona Torrita…we all love her, and treat her like one of the family. Raid works with (Civic) organization, doing a count for the Iraqi dead and wounded civilians, they almost finished the task, and he is preparing to establish an Iraqi, non-governmental organization, ( I'IMAR – Renovation), to rebuild the Iraqi civic society, in Baghdad and the southern provinces.
Majid works in the Al-Muwajahaa Newspaper- (Confrontation), and with Raid.
Azzam is always busy working, and traveling…
And I hide at home, after work…reading the Holy Quran, and various books, away from the world, the people, and the daily disaster news.
**********************************Saturday, August 2 nd., 2003
Uday, Qusay and his son, Mustapha, were buried in Tikreet…
The sight was painful, and cruel…but these are the ways of the world… who learns???
**********************************
Thursday, August 7 th., 2003
A dark, sad day…the disastrous exploding of the Jordanian Embassy… a trapped car was standing in front of it. The dead and wounded are Iraqi civilians…who gets the benefits of such criminal acts???
No one knows….
**********************
My youngest sister and her daughters traveled to Amman, fearful of threats… her husband is in Amman…he went for medical treatment, but didn't come back.
I was sad by the separation…but her safety is more important…I will have to be patient…
*****************************
Tuesday, August 19 th., 2003
The exploding of Al-Qanat Hotel, the United Nations Headquarters, another disaster…and another dark, sad day….
The death of De Melio under the debris…along with 23 people, and another 100 wounded. The dead and wounded are a mixture of Arabs and Foreigners. We cried for them all… putting our hands over our open mouths, in panic and amazement…
What is happening to us?? Where did those criminals come from??? Iraq became the field of confrontations, killings and destruction?? And we are dreaming of building a new country…. What is happening here??? Who is tearing apart our dreams, and making fun of us??
*********************************
Thursday, August 21 st., 2003
I sit at home after I get back from work, lonely, afraid, and depressed. I have a feeling that the times of joy are finished in our lives…that sorrows and mishaps are falling over us…
Saddam Hussein fell…we thought that evil was eliminated from the world…. But today we see greater evils….
What is happening?? Where are we going to??
***************************
Friday, August 29 th., 2003
The exploding of a trapped car in Najaf, and the killing of Ayyatullah Baqir Al-Hakeem…the Shia'at leader… hundreds of Iraqis dead and wounded.
Oh, my God…our live is turning into a nightmare…
*****************************
September, 2003
We went to Amman… Raid, Salam, and Simona in one car. Khalid, Majid, and I in another.
Amman, quietness, security, and another world….but it’s a world in which I smell forbidding, and estrangement.
I miss Baghdad….and can not forget her…
The boys go out with their friends…and I remain in the apartment, sitting on a chair in the glass balcony…staring at the city streets and buildings, day and evening….
How lovely is the security and quiet….. I wish them to Iraq, and the people of Iraq…
I do feel a deep forbidding, and miss Baghdad…
*****************************
October, 2003 – till the end of the year…
Raid works with ( I'IMAR) organization…
Khalid and Majid are at school and University…
The rhythm of life is worrying, scary, and gloomy…security dwindles day by day... trapped cars, explosions, and continuous assassinations…. The governing council has no authority to improve the conditions.
The coalition forces roam the streets night and day, but no improvements came to our lives. Things are moving to the worst…. And GOD only knows where we are heading….
*************************************
Translated by May/ Baghdad.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
الثلاثاء 10/6/003
عادت الإتصالات مع بعض البدالات, خابرت أخواتي وأطمأننت عليهم.
أحوالنا تغيرت كثيرا عما كنا عليه قبل الحرب.
نعود للبيت قبل أذان المغرب دائما...أي قبل حلول الظلام, لأن حوادث القتل والتسليب تزيد مع الظلام.
مع المغرب , نقفل الباب الخارجي, وحين يرن الجرس, يخرج رائد وبيده كلاشنكوف الى الحديقة, ووراءه عزام وخالد وماجد..
ويطلع الزائر هو واحد من الجيران, أو عائلة تعطلت سيارتهم وخلص البنزين منها, فنشفق عليهم ونساعدهم, ونغرق في الضحك على منظرنا وكاننا نعيش في غابة لا أمان فيها , سقطت مشاعر الأمان والثقة بالناس, لا أحد يعرف من أين ستأتيه المصيبة.
أنظر الى جريدة المواجهة التي يصدرها مجموعة من الشباب ومعهم ماجد.
فيها مقالات متنوعة.....
فيها مقالة عن جمعية السجناء الأحرارالتي تحاول إيجاد المفقودين من السجناء السياسيين, يوجد صراخ يومي ومستمر للبحث عن مقابر جماعية, والسجون والأنفاق السرية تحت الأرض. كلنا يتألم , وكلنا نقول لعنة الله على الظالمين.
ومقالة أخرى عن عوائل فلسطينية تم إخراجها من بيوتها وهي تسكن الخيام الآن في نادي رياضي والهلال الأحمر العراقي يحاول مساعدتهم إنسانيا, هم حوالي 240 عائلة, لست أدري ما سبب هذه العدوانية المسعورة, هذه ليست من أخلاق العراقيين...
بعض هذه العوائل سافرت للأردن حيث عندها جوازات سفر أردنية. والآخرون يملكون وثائق سفر فلسطينية عراقية, لا أحد يعترف بهم ولا يستقبلهم ولا يعطيهم فيزا...لا أدري ما ذنب هؤلاء, ولما ذا تم الإستفراد بهم فجاة..ثمة غموض في القصة.
ويوجد في الصحيفة مقطعا من مقابلة رامسفيلد مع الصحافة في واشنطن العاصمة, حيث يقول معلقا على ما يحدث في العراق
"انها الفوضى, والحرية هي الفوضى, هم أحرار حتى في اقتراف الأخطاء وارتكاب الجرائم وعمل السيئات ........."
لا أدري كيف يفكر هؤلاء الناس؟؟؟
هل يعيشون في أميركا هكذا؟؟
الناس تقتل وتنهب وتقترف كل الآثام, هل هذه حقا الحرية؟؟
توجد مقالة عن فرقة مسرحية من الشباب والشابات العراقيات دخلوا مسرح الرشيد الذي دمره القصف, وبين الحطام مثلوا مسرحية عفوية سموها " مروا من هنا "........ وهي تعني قوات الغزو والدمار.
الحضور كان من بعض الصحفيين وأصدقاء وأقارب الممثلين.
تساءل الممثلون وهم على مسرح محطم: ما هي الحرية بالضبط؟
وقالت المسرحية أن العراق نجا من الحرب ولكنها لم تنته بعد, وان ما انتهى هو وجه واحد منها فقط هو وجه حرب القنابل والقذائف.
والآن حان دور حرب الروح , وكما كان الفائز بحرب القنابل هو الأكثر تقدما تكنولوجيا, فإن الفائز بحرب الروح هو الأكثر حبا ....
توجد مقالة أكثر واحدة أرعبتني ولم أصدقها, وخفت على ماجد بسببها لأنه هو الذي أجراها مع مجموعة طلبة أردنيين وفلسطينيين
يدرسون في الجامعات العراقية , قد تمت مداهمة بيوتهم واعتقالهم بقسوة شديدة وبعضهم بملابس النوم, وأخذوهم الى معسكر أسرى الحرب في أم قصر,
وقد تم إطلاق سراح بعضهم بعد اسبوعين من الرعب والإهانات والأسئلة السخيفة مثل : أين صدام حسين , او أوصف لنا شكلك, ثم يضحكون عليه ويستهزأون...
لا أصدق....لكن ماجد يقسم أنهم صادقون, وانهم سيغادرون العراق فورا وسيتركون إكمال دراستهم, والباقي من اصدقائهم ما زال معتقلا ومصيره مجهول...فيهم طلاب ينتمون لتنظيمات فلسطينية قديمة ومعروفة مثل فتح أو الجبهة الشعبية.
من الذي دل عليهم, ومن أين جاءت قوائم أسمائهم وعناوينهم؟؟
قصة غريبة جدا وتثير الشكوك...ثم ما مصلحة الجيش الأمريكي بهذه الأمور؟
أو ربما الموساد هنا , وهذه مهماتهم ...
لا أدري , كل شيء جائز...والأيام ربما ستحمل معها الأجوبة
الصحف التي تصدر بعد الحرب , معظمها تصفق لقوات الإحتلال وتنشر الأخبار عن ملاحقة صدام وأعوانه وبن لادن...
وعن مشاريع ضخمة قريبة ستعيد الحياة للعراقيين , كلنا ننتظر بفارغ الصبر إعادة بناء العراق .
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الخميس 12/6
انفجارات قوية في شارع المطار...
الساعة الرابعة عصرا, ثم الساعة العاشرة مساء .
تعليق الناس اليومي : ما جدوى هذه التفجيرات؟
وإن قتل فيها جنود أمريكيون...فهذا لن يغير من سياسة الإدارة الأمريكية وتسحب قواتها...
حتى لو قتل نصف الجيش الأمريكي هنا...سيرسلون بدلا منهم.
فالمسألة تستحق التضحية بالنسبة لهم من أجل مصالحهم.
ونحن ماذا نستفيد؟؟
ليس سوى الألم والفوضى وانعدام الأمان....
لا اعرف...أجد نفسي محبطة وحائرة مما يحدث.
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الجمعة 13/6- الإتنين 30/6
أحداث مختلفة...
أولا : وصلت سيارة جديدة مرسيدس اشتراها عزام من الإمارات.بغداد تمتليء بالسيارات الجديدة, من كل الموديلات والأسماء,
كأن الناس كانوا مكبوتين, والآن تحققت أحلامهم...
لكن الإزدحامات في بغداد تزداد...الموضوع يحتاج الى دراسة وجدية, هذه الفوضى فيها غباء وسوء تخطيط....
وصلتنا بضاعة جديدة للمحل, هذه أول مرة بعد الحرب, لكن أجور النقل والتأمين عالية جدا, سنضطر لرفع أسعار الفلاتر والمواد الأخرى, وكذلك سنشرح الأسباب لكل الزبائن...حتى لا يغضبوا...
احترقت المولدة , واشترينا واحدة كبيرة وجديدة, لتتحمل العمل معظم ساعات اليوم حيث لا تحسن يبدو في الأفق لوضع الكهرباء.
أخذت دورة كومبيوتر جديدة في المعهد...
لكن حدثا غريبا وقع...وأدهشنا , كل العائلة فتحت أفواهها ثم حدقت عيوننا ببعضها غير مصدقة...
عندنا مهندس مسيحي يعمل معنا كشريك منذ افتتحنا المحل, وهو مهذب وأمين.
وكثير من المعاملات الإدارية يقوم بها فأعطيناه صلاحيات كثيرة لتسهيل العمل...
عقد الإيجار للمحل بإسمه, والعضوية في غرفة تجارة بغداد بإسمه, ورخصة الإستيراد بإسمه...
وتوجد بيننا ثقة عالية, ويأخذ مرتبا عاليا مع نسبة أرباح سنوية من المبيعات.
لم نره بعد الحرب....ظننا أن بيته بعيد ويصعب وصوله للعمل...التلفونات مقطوعة, لا إتصالات.
أرسل رسالة قبل يومين الينا بيد شخص ما, يقول إنه يريد المحلات , فهي له,وإنه يهددنا بإستعمال الوسائل القانونية إن لم نذهب للتفاوض معه .
وجدناها قصة سوريالية.....
لا يوجد بيننا وبينه مكاتبه تقول ان هذه الأملاك لنا...وبإمكانه سرقتنا وتدمير العائلة كلها..
بقينا حائرين, هذا آخر ما كنا نتوقعه....
هذه الحرب أخرجت الدناءة من نفوس بعض الناس, وجعلتها حقا مشروعا...صرنا نعيش في غابة, كل من لديه فرصة لينهش الاخر...
لن يتردد...
ماذا يحدث للدنيا؟؟؟
لست أفهم.
***********************************
1/7-5/7
مفاوضات مع المهندس نبيل لحل المشكلة, والتنازل عن عقود الإيجار وغرفة التجارة لصالحنا...لا أدري كيف غير رأيه,
لكني أظن أن رائد كان له دورا قويا في الموضوع...
كان رائد يحترمه دائما ويقول له عمو نبيل...وكنا نزوره دائما في بيته وأولادي يحبون أولاده ويلاعبوهم ويدللوهم لأنهم أصغر بكثير من أولادنا...
وبعد الرسالة السخيفة, غضب رائد جدا, وحزن من ذلك التصرف المخجل, ثم , صدفة, قابل المهندس نبيل بباب بيت أحد الأصدقاء , وصرخ رائد في وجهه, وقال له : إن لم تتنازل عن العقود, فسوف أحضر للبيت مع أصدقائي وأريك كيف تعيد تفكيرك في الموضوع...وأريد أن أتفاهم معك أمام زوجتك وأولادك...
يبدو أن هذه الكلمات أخافته وجعلته يتراجع...
عزام وأنا رفضنا فكرة تهديده, لأننا لا نريد أن نكون حثالة مثله...
لكن طريقة رائد نجحت...
جاء الرجل يتوسل, وطلب مبلغا من المال, ثم وقع تنازلا , وانسحب من حياتنا...
لكن الضربة كانت قاسية على نفوسنا...
الثقة بالآخرين تسعد الإنسان وتعطيه الإطمئنان , لكننا اليوم نشعر بمرارة كبيرة وخوف مما سيحدث لاحقا...
لا بد من البحث عن مهندس جديد يشاركنا في حمل أعباء العمل ومشاكله..
أين سنجده في هذه الظروف الصعبه؟؟؟
ما عاد ثمة ثقة بين الناس....
*********************************
الإثنين 7/7
فوجئنا في الصباح أن أقفال باب المحل مكسورة, وكان ثمة محاولة فاشلة لإقتحام المحل في الليل....انزعجت كثيرا...
لم يحدث شيء مثل هذا منذ أن افتتحنا المحل عام 1998 .
بقيت متوترة طوال النهار..أرسلت من يشتري أقفالا جديدة...
وأحسست أن الحال يزداد سوءا بقلة الأمان وعدم وجود دولة وشرطة وجيش...
قبل يومين سرق محل جوارنا, كان يبيع منظومات الستلايت...في الصباح وجدوه فارغا نظيفا من كل شيء.
وها هم اللصوص يجربون حظهم مع محلنا...
*********************************
الثلاثاء 8/7
حوالي الحادية عشرة صباحا, في المحل...
جاء قريب عزام يسأل عنه...يبدو أنه تجادل مع صاحب البناية حول الإيجارات الجديدة, وطلب منهم إفراغ يناية المخزن التي
يستاجرونها منه...
لم أفهم بالضبط ماذا حدث, لكنب رأبت مالك العمارة يدخل ويضرب قريب عزام, فدفعه الموظفون الى خارج محلنا...الى الشارع.
ورأيته يغضب ويحمل كرسيا خشبيا ويحطم به نوافذ المحل كلها....الواجهة الأمامية الزجاجية صارت شظايا, ووقعت الرفوف
على الأرض, وتكسرت الفلاتر التي عليها, وسمعت السباب والكلام البذيء...
أنتم فلسطينيون, يلعن أبوكم, ويلعن صدام الذي أتى بكم الى العراق...
يا إالهي, هذه أول مرة أسمع هذا الحديث الحاقد من عراقي ضد عربي يقيم في العراق...ثمة من يغذي هذا الحوار المسموم.
هذا حوار جديد, لم نسمعه من قبل هنا...
تفرجت على العملية ببرود ولم أتحرك من مكاني...قلت , سيضربني أو يقول لي كلاما بذيئا لن أتحمله, ففضلت الصمت.
إتصلت بإنتركوم بيننا وبين مكتبنا حيث يداوم عزام, وقلت له بهدوء : إحضر الى المحل بسرعة, عندي مشكلة, ثمة رجل مجنون هاجمنا وكسر واجهة المحل.....
بعد دقائق جاء عزام....منظر المحل يثير الذهول, كأن ثمة إعصار مر من هنا....انقلبت البضاعة وتكسرت ألأشياء...
كان كل شيء مرتب وجميل ونظيف قبل دقائق....
***********************************
خرج عزام, وعاد بعد قليل ومعه سيارات همفي وجنود امريكان, نظروا وسألوا ثم اعتذروا أن هذا ليس من إختصاصهم,
يوجد مركز جديد للشرطة في منطقة اليرموك, إذهبوا واشتكوا هناك...هكذا قالوا, ثم مضوا...
خرج عزام الى مركز الشرطة...
جاء زبائن كثيرون, ووقفوا يتأملون منظر المحل المحزن, ويستفسرون, ويواسون...
كنت أقول لهم : هذا هو الإرث الذي تركه لنا صدام حسين...
لكني اليوم لا أظن أن صدام حسين وحده كان السبب, هذه الحرب , وسقوط الدولة, وانعدام السلطة, أخرجت الوجوه القبيحة الخفية
لبعض الناس...وجوه مليئة بالشر والكراهية, لغيرها, ولنفسها ربما....الشر يطغي وينتشر في الهواء مثل الدخان....
جاءت سيارة الشرطة العراقية مع عزام, احسست بالفرحة, وقمت من مكاني , ووقفت أنظر اليهم وهم يمشون على الرصيف...
جاءوا بالمعتدي وقد نكس رأسه ووضع يديه خلف ظهره...ووقف أمامي...
كنت سانفجر من الغضب.
قلت له: أنت لا تملك غيرة الرجال, أنت رجل بلا شرف.
ألم تخجل, ألم تقل ان هذه جارتي إمرأة؟؟
كيف سمحت لنفسك لتدخل محلي وتكسره كالثور الهائج؟؟
من أين تعلمتم هذه الإخلاق؟؟
وددت لو أبصق في وجهه, لكن أخلاقي لم تسمح.
أخذته سيارة الشرطة بعيدا...حيث وقع على ورقة إعتذار وتعهد بتصليح زجاج المحل على نفقته....
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الأربعاء, الخميس, الجمعة
لم أذهب للعمل...نفسيتي متعبه...أتخيل ذلك الحيوان كل ساعة, وهو يهجم ويحطم المحل...
الشعور بفقدان الأمان شعور مرعب..... يحتلني, ويصيبني بكآبة شديدة, وصمت عميق.
ما الذي يحدث لنا؟؟؟
الفوضى تعصف بحياتنا, وتشتت وحدتنا...
صرنا كالغرباء, كل واحد منا يخشى غدر الآخر....
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الأحد 13/7
اول اجتماع لمجلس الحكم الإنتقالي.
الناس منقسمون..
البعض يتفاءل ويجدهم نواة دولة عراقية جديدة..
والبعض يراهم بلا شرعية, حيث تدخل في تعيينهم بريمر...الحاكم المدني , وبوجود قوات الإحتلال..
لا أدري من على حق...
الأيام سترينا المزيد, وتتوضح الصورة.
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الخميس 17/7
عينا موظفا جديدا, وعندنا مشروع جديد هو مسؤول عنه...
اليوم بلغني أنه سرقت أمس سيارته من الكراج وبداخلها عشرة منظومات تعقيم للمستشفيات.
القصة غير مقنعة, والشبهة تدور حول الموظف الجديد, لكننا لا نملك أدلة.
ما يحدث لنا؟؟
المنغصات لا تتوقف...كأن ثمة لعنة حلت علينا جميعا...
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الثلاثاء 22/7
يوم تاريخي...
قصف منزل في الموصل وفيه عدي وقصي وابنه...
قتل الثلاثة ...
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الأربعاء, الخميس
صورهم في الجرائد....
لا أصدق, لا أحد يصدق..
يا لها من نهاية مفزعة.
يقولون أن نهاية كل إنسان تشبه حياته ذاتها...
نعم, نهايتهم قاسية بشعة...مثل حياتهم.
من سيتعلم الدرس ؟
أرى الناس كالحمقي. يأكل بعضهم بعضا... ولا يبالون بالدروس التي امامهم.
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الجمعة 25/7
عزام عاد من عمان بطريق البر...
وجهه شاحب..
قال انه تم ايقاف سيارتهم من قبل مجموعة مسلحة, وسلبوه النقود في محفظته وساعته ودبلة الزواج.
بقينا مذهولين...
ماذا يحدث لنا؟؟
لا أحد يملك تفسيرا....
قوات الإحتلال تملأ الشوارع...لكن لا فائدة منها...
لماذا هم هنا؟؟
وماذا يفعلون؟؟؟
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الأحد 27/7
قرأت سبتايتل على الفضائيات...
إغتيال الدكتور محمد الراوي, في عيادته, وأمام عيون زوجته ومرضاه, مساء .
يا لها من وقاحة, ويالها من خسارة للعراق.
كان عقلا ذكيا فذا, وشخصية قيادية....
كان نقيب الأطباء, ورئيس جامعة بغداد....
وكان قبل هذا وذاك, صديقا حميما لإخوتي الثلاثة الأطباء منذ أيام المدرسة...
كانت أمي رحمها الله تحبه كثيرا وتعامله كأحد أولادها...
إنعصر قلبي حزنا عليه, وعلى زوجته وأولاده الثلاثة.
لم أقدر على الذهاب للعزاء...
ذهبت أخواتي وأخوتي كلهم.
لا أعرف....فضلت الإبتعاد والإكتفاء بالحزن دون رؤية زوجته وأولاده...
فذلك سيزيد آلامي...لست مستعدة للمزيد...
ذهبت فقط لأعزي أخي, كان صديق طفولته...
فوجدته شاحبا محطما...بكيت وأحسست بالظلم والضعف...لكننا لا نقدر على شيء..
ثمة أعداء مجهولين جدد....يحيطون بنا ويدمرون حياتنا...ونحن في حالة ذهول....
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1/8
انتهت امتحانات خالد في الجامعة, وذهب ليعمل مع منظمة إيطالية غير حكومية( جسر الى...)
مع سيمونا توريتا...كلنا نحبها ونعاملها كواحدة من العائلة.
رائد يعمل مع منظمة( سيفك) لإحصاء الجرحى والقتلى المدنيين العراقيين , أنهوا العمل تقريبا, وهو يرتب أموره لإنشاء منظمة عراقية غير حكومية ( إعمار) لإعادة بناء المجتمع المدني العراقي في بغداد ومحافظات الجنوب.
ماجد مع جريدة المواجهة ومع رائد.
عزام مشغول في العمل والسفر دائما...
أنا أختبيء في البيت بعد دوام العمل...أقرأ القرآن, وكتب مختلفة, بعيدا عن العالم والناس وأخبار المصائب اليومية.
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السبت 2 /8
دفن عدي وقصي وابنه مصطفى في تكريت...
المنظر مؤلم وقاس...
لكن هذه هي الدنيا...فمن يتعلم؟؟؟
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الخميس 7/8
يوم أسود حزين...
كارثة تفجير السفارة الأردنية...سيارة مفخخة تقف مقابل السفارة.
القتلى والجرحى من العراقيين المدنيين...
من له مصلحة في هذه الأعمال الإجرامية؟؟؟
لا أحد يدري....
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سافرت أختي الصغيرة وبناتها الى عمان خوفا من التهديدات ..
زوجها في عمان...خرج للعلاج ولم يرجع.
حزنت على فراقها...لكن الأمان لها أهم, سأصبر على فراقها...
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الثلاثاء 19/8
تفجير فندق القناة, مقر الأمم المتحدة, كارثة أخرى.. ويوم أسود حزين آخر....
مقتل دي ميليو تحت الأنقاض..مع 23 شخصا وجرح 100 شخص.
القتلى والجرحى خليط من اجانب وعرب.
بكينا عليهم جميعا...
ووضعنا أيدينا على أفواهنا المفتوحة من الرعب والدهشة..
ما الذي يحدث لنا؟؟
ومن أين جاء هؤلاء المجرمون؟؟؟
العراق صار ساحة المواجهة والقتل والدمار؟؟
ونحن نحلم ببناء وطن جديد....
ما الذي يحدث هنا؟؟؟
ومن الذي يمزق أحلامنا ويهزأ بنا ؟؟
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الخميس 21/8
أجلس في البيت بعد العودة من العمل, وحيدة, خائفة, مكتئبة.
عندي شعور أن وقت الفرح قد انتهى من حياتنا...وان الأحزان والمصائب تنهال علينا...
سقط صدام حسين...وظننا أن الشرور انتهت من العالم....
لكننا نرى اليوم شرورا أعظم....
ما الذي يحدث؟؟
والى أين نسير؟؟
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الجمعة 29/8
انفجار سيارة مفخخة في النجف ومقتل آية الله باقر الحكيم...الزعيم الشيعي...
ومئات من المدنيين العراقيين جرحى وقتلى.
يا الهي...
حياتنا تتحول الى كابوس ....
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شهر أيلول...
سافرنا الى عمان...
رائد وسلام وسيمونا في سيارة.
وخالد وماجد وأنا في سيارة.
عمان هدوء وأمان وعالم آخر....
لكنه عالم فيه رائحة الغربة والوحشة.
أحن الى بغداد....ولا أقدر أن أنساها...
الأولاد يخرجون مع أصدقائهم...وأبقى في الشقة, أجلس على كرسي في الفرندة الزجاجية...وأحدق في شوارع المدينة
ومبانيها, صباح مساء....
ما أجمل الأمان والهدوء.....
تمنيتهم للعراق وأهل العراق...
أحس بوحشة شديدة وأشتاق لبغداد...
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شهر 10/11/12 (نهاية 2003)
رائد يعمل مع منظمة إعمار...
خالد وماجد مدارس وجامعة..
ايقاع الحياة مقلق ومخيف وكئيب...الأمان ينعدم يوما بعد يوم...
سيارات مفخخة وتفجيرات واغتيالات مستمرة....
مجلس الحكم لا يملك اية سلطة لتحسين الوضع.
قوات التحالف تذرع الشوارع والسماء ليلا ونهارا, ولا تحسن في حياتنا.
الأمور تتجه نحو الأسوأ....
الله وحده يعلم الى أين نمضي....
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عادت الإتصالات مع بعض البدالات, خابرت أخواتي وأطمأننت عليهم.
أحوالنا تغيرت كثيرا عما كنا عليه قبل الحرب.
نعود للبيت قبل أذان المغرب دائما...أي قبل حلول الظلام, لأن حوادث القتل والتسليب تزيد مع الظلام.
مع المغرب , نقفل الباب الخارجي, وحين يرن الجرس, يخرج رائد وبيده كلاشنكوف الى الحديقة, ووراءه عزام وخالد وماجد..
ويطلع الزائر هو واحد من الجيران, أو عائلة تعطلت سيارتهم وخلص البنزين منها, فنشفق عليهم ونساعدهم, ونغرق في الضحك على منظرنا وكاننا نعيش في غابة لا أمان فيها , سقطت مشاعر الأمان والثقة بالناس, لا أحد يعرف من أين ستأتيه المصيبة.
أنظر الى جريدة المواجهة التي يصدرها مجموعة من الشباب ومعهم ماجد.
فيها مقالات متنوعة.....
فيها مقالة عن جمعية السجناء الأحرارالتي تحاول إيجاد المفقودين من السجناء السياسيين, يوجد صراخ يومي ومستمر للبحث عن مقابر جماعية, والسجون والأنفاق السرية تحت الأرض. كلنا يتألم , وكلنا نقول لعنة الله على الظالمين.
ومقالة أخرى عن عوائل فلسطينية تم إخراجها من بيوتها وهي تسكن الخيام الآن في نادي رياضي والهلال الأحمر العراقي يحاول مساعدتهم إنسانيا, هم حوالي 240 عائلة, لست أدري ما سبب هذه العدوانية المسعورة, هذه ليست من أخلاق العراقيين...
بعض هذه العوائل سافرت للأردن حيث عندها جوازات سفر أردنية. والآخرون يملكون وثائق سفر فلسطينية عراقية, لا أحد يعترف بهم ولا يستقبلهم ولا يعطيهم فيزا...لا أدري ما ذنب هؤلاء, ولما ذا تم الإستفراد بهم فجاة..ثمة غموض في القصة.
ويوجد في الصحيفة مقطعا من مقابلة رامسفيلد مع الصحافة في واشنطن العاصمة, حيث يقول معلقا على ما يحدث في العراق
"انها الفوضى, والحرية هي الفوضى, هم أحرار حتى في اقتراف الأخطاء وارتكاب الجرائم وعمل السيئات ........."
لا أدري كيف يفكر هؤلاء الناس؟؟؟
هل يعيشون في أميركا هكذا؟؟
الناس تقتل وتنهب وتقترف كل الآثام, هل هذه حقا الحرية؟؟
توجد مقالة عن فرقة مسرحية من الشباب والشابات العراقيات دخلوا مسرح الرشيد الذي دمره القصف, وبين الحطام مثلوا مسرحية عفوية سموها " مروا من هنا "........ وهي تعني قوات الغزو والدمار.
الحضور كان من بعض الصحفيين وأصدقاء وأقارب الممثلين.
تساءل الممثلون وهم على مسرح محطم: ما هي الحرية بالضبط؟
وقالت المسرحية أن العراق نجا من الحرب ولكنها لم تنته بعد, وان ما انتهى هو وجه واحد منها فقط هو وجه حرب القنابل والقذائف.
والآن حان دور حرب الروح , وكما كان الفائز بحرب القنابل هو الأكثر تقدما تكنولوجيا, فإن الفائز بحرب الروح هو الأكثر حبا ....
توجد مقالة أكثر واحدة أرعبتني ولم أصدقها, وخفت على ماجد بسببها لأنه هو الذي أجراها مع مجموعة طلبة أردنيين وفلسطينيين
يدرسون في الجامعات العراقية , قد تمت مداهمة بيوتهم واعتقالهم بقسوة شديدة وبعضهم بملابس النوم, وأخذوهم الى معسكر أسرى الحرب في أم قصر,
وقد تم إطلاق سراح بعضهم بعد اسبوعين من الرعب والإهانات والأسئلة السخيفة مثل : أين صدام حسين , او أوصف لنا شكلك, ثم يضحكون عليه ويستهزأون...
لا أصدق....لكن ماجد يقسم أنهم صادقون, وانهم سيغادرون العراق فورا وسيتركون إكمال دراستهم, والباقي من اصدقائهم ما زال معتقلا ومصيره مجهول...فيهم طلاب ينتمون لتنظيمات فلسطينية قديمة ومعروفة مثل فتح أو الجبهة الشعبية.
من الذي دل عليهم, ومن أين جاءت قوائم أسمائهم وعناوينهم؟؟
قصة غريبة جدا وتثير الشكوك...ثم ما مصلحة الجيش الأمريكي بهذه الأمور؟
أو ربما الموساد هنا , وهذه مهماتهم ...
لا أدري , كل شيء جائز...والأيام ربما ستحمل معها الأجوبة
الصحف التي تصدر بعد الحرب , معظمها تصفق لقوات الإحتلال وتنشر الأخبار عن ملاحقة صدام وأعوانه وبن لادن...
وعن مشاريع ضخمة قريبة ستعيد الحياة للعراقيين , كلنا ننتظر بفارغ الصبر إعادة بناء العراق .
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الخميس 12/6
انفجارات قوية في شارع المطار...
الساعة الرابعة عصرا, ثم الساعة العاشرة مساء .
تعليق الناس اليومي : ما جدوى هذه التفجيرات؟
وإن قتل فيها جنود أمريكيون...فهذا لن يغير من سياسة الإدارة الأمريكية وتسحب قواتها...
حتى لو قتل نصف الجيش الأمريكي هنا...سيرسلون بدلا منهم.
فالمسألة تستحق التضحية بالنسبة لهم من أجل مصالحهم.
ونحن ماذا نستفيد؟؟
ليس سوى الألم والفوضى وانعدام الأمان....
لا اعرف...أجد نفسي محبطة وحائرة مما يحدث.
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الجمعة 13/6- الإتنين 30/6
أحداث مختلفة...
أولا : وصلت سيارة جديدة مرسيدس اشتراها عزام من الإمارات.بغداد تمتليء بالسيارات الجديدة, من كل الموديلات والأسماء,
كأن الناس كانوا مكبوتين, والآن تحققت أحلامهم...
لكن الإزدحامات في بغداد تزداد...الموضوع يحتاج الى دراسة وجدية, هذه الفوضى فيها غباء وسوء تخطيط....
وصلتنا بضاعة جديدة للمحل, هذه أول مرة بعد الحرب, لكن أجور النقل والتأمين عالية جدا, سنضطر لرفع أسعار الفلاتر والمواد الأخرى, وكذلك سنشرح الأسباب لكل الزبائن...حتى لا يغضبوا...
احترقت المولدة , واشترينا واحدة كبيرة وجديدة, لتتحمل العمل معظم ساعات اليوم حيث لا تحسن يبدو في الأفق لوضع الكهرباء.
أخذت دورة كومبيوتر جديدة في المعهد...
لكن حدثا غريبا وقع...وأدهشنا , كل العائلة فتحت أفواهها ثم حدقت عيوننا ببعضها غير مصدقة...
عندنا مهندس مسيحي يعمل معنا كشريك منذ افتتحنا المحل, وهو مهذب وأمين.
وكثير من المعاملات الإدارية يقوم بها فأعطيناه صلاحيات كثيرة لتسهيل العمل...
عقد الإيجار للمحل بإسمه, والعضوية في غرفة تجارة بغداد بإسمه, ورخصة الإستيراد بإسمه...
وتوجد بيننا ثقة عالية, ويأخذ مرتبا عاليا مع نسبة أرباح سنوية من المبيعات.
لم نره بعد الحرب....ظننا أن بيته بعيد ويصعب وصوله للعمل...التلفونات مقطوعة, لا إتصالات.
أرسل رسالة قبل يومين الينا بيد شخص ما, يقول إنه يريد المحلات , فهي له,وإنه يهددنا بإستعمال الوسائل القانونية إن لم نذهب للتفاوض معه .
وجدناها قصة سوريالية.....
لا يوجد بيننا وبينه مكاتبه تقول ان هذه الأملاك لنا...وبإمكانه سرقتنا وتدمير العائلة كلها..
بقينا حائرين, هذا آخر ما كنا نتوقعه....
هذه الحرب أخرجت الدناءة من نفوس بعض الناس, وجعلتها حقا مشروعا...صرنا نعيش في غابة, كل من لديه فرصة لينهش الاخر...
لن يتردد...
ماذا يحدث للدنيا؟؟؟
لست أفهم.
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1/7-5/7
مفاوضات مع المهندس نبيل لحل المشكلة, والتنازل عن عقود الإيجار وغرفة التجارة لصالحنا...لا أدري كيف غير رأيه,
لكني أظن أن رائد كان له دورا قويا في الموضوع...
كان رائد يحترمه دائما ويقول له عمو نبيل...وكنا نزوره دائما في بيته وأولادي يحبون أولاده ويلاعبوهم ويدللوهم لأنهم أصغر بكثير من أولادنا...
وبعد الرسالة السخيفة, غضب رائد جدا, وحزن من ذلك التصرف المخجل, ثم , صدفة, قابل المهندس نبيل بباب بيت أحد الأصدقاء , وصرخ رائد في وجهه, وقال له : إن لم تتنازل عن العقود, فسوف أحضر للبيت مع أصدقائي وأريك كيف تعيد تفكيرك في الموضوع...وأريد أن أتفاهم معك أمام زوجتك وأولادك...
يبدو أن هذه الكلمات أخافته وجعلته يتراجع...
عزام وأنا رفضنا فكرة تهديده, لأننا لا نريد أن نكون حثالة مثله...
لكن طريقة رائد نجحت...
جاء الرجل يتوسل, وطلب مبلغا من المال, ثم وقع تنازلا , وانسحب من حياتنا...
لكن الضربة كانت قاسية على نفوسنا...
الثقة بالآخرين تسعد الإنسان وتعطيه الإطمئنان , لكننا اليوم نشعر بمرارة كبيرة وخوف مما سيحدث لاحقا...
لا بد من البحث عن مهندس جديد يشاركنا في حمل أعباء العمل ومشاكله..
أين سنجده في هذه الظروف الصعبه؟؟؟
ما عاد ثمة ثقة بين الناس....
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الإثنين 7/7
فوجئنا في الصباح أن أقفال باب المحل مكسورة, وكان ثمة محاولة فاشلة لإقتحام المحل في الليل....انزعجت كثيرا...
لم يحدث شيء مثل هذا منذ أن افتتحنا المحل عام 1998 .
بقيت متوترة طوال النهار..أرسلت من يشتري أقفالا جديدة...
وأحسست أن الحال يزداد سوءا بقلة الأمان وعدم وجود دولة وشرطة وجيش...
قبل يومين سرق محل جوارنا, كان يبيع منظومات الستلايت...في الصباح وجدوه فارغا نظيفا من كل شيء.
وها هم اللصوص يجربون حظهم مع محلنا...
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الثلاثاء 8/7
حوالي الحادية عشرة صباحا, في المحل...
جاء قريب عزام يسأل عنه...يبدو أنه تجادل مع صاحب البناية حول الإيجارات الجديدة, وطلب منهم إفراغ يناية المخزن التي
يستاجرونها منه...
لم أفهم بالضبط ماذا حدث, لكنب رأبت مالك العمارة يدخل ويضرب قريب عزام, فدفعه الموظفون الى خارج محلنا...الى الشارع.
ورأيته يغضب ويحمل كرسيا خشبيا ويحطم به نوافذ المحل كلها....الواجهة الأمامية الزجاجية صارت شظايا, ووقعت الرفوف
على الأرض, وتكسرت الفلاتر التي عليها, وسمعت السباب والكلام البذيء...
أنتم فلسطينيون, يلعن أبوكم, ويلعن صدام الذي أتى بكم الى العراق...
يا إالهي, هذه أول مرة أسمع هذا الحديث الحاقد من عراقي ضد عربي يقيم في العراق...ثمة من يغذي هذا الحوار المسموم.
هذا حوار جديد, لم نسمعه من قبل هنا...
تفرجت على العملية ببرود ولم أتحرك من مكاني...قلت , سيضربني أو يقول لي كلاما بذيئا لن أتحمله, ففضلت الصمت.
إتصلت بإنتركوم بيننا وبين مكتبنا حيث يداوم عزام, وقلت له بهدوء : إحضر الى المحل بسرعة, عندي مشكلة, ثمة رجل مجنون هاجمنا وكسر واجهة المحل.....
بعد دقائق جاء عزام....منظر المحل يثير الذهول, كأن ثمة إعصار مر من هنا....انقلبت البضاعة وتكسرت ألأشياء...
كان كل شيء مرتب وجميل ونظيف قبل دقائق....
***********************************
خرج عزام, وعاد بعد قليل ومعه سيارات همفي وجنود امريكان, نظروا وسألوا ثم اعتذروا أن هذا ليس من إختصاصهم,
يوجد مركز جديد للشرطة في منطقة اليرموك, إذهبوا واشتكوا هناك...هكذا قالوا, ثم مضوا...
خرج عزام الى مركز الشرطة...
جاء زبائن كثيرون, ووقفوا يتأملون منظر المحل المحزن, ويستفسرون, ويواسون...
كنت أقول لهم : هذا هو الإرث الذي تركه لنا صدام حسين...
لكني اليوم لا أظن أن صدام حسين وحده كان السبب, هذه الحرب , وسقوط الدولة, وانعدام السلطة, أخرجت الوجوه القبيحة الخفية
لبعض الناس...وجوه مليئة بالشر والكراهية, لغيرها, ولنفسها ربما....الشر يطغي وينتشر في الهواء مثل الدخان....
جاءت سيارة الشرطة العراقية مع عزام, احسست بالفرحة, وقمت من مكاني , ووقفت أنظر اليهم وهم يمشون على الرصيف...
جاءوا بالمعتدي وقد نكس رأسه ووضع يديه خلف ظهره...ووقف أمامي...
كنت سانفجر من الغضب.
قلت له: أنت لا تملك غيرة الرجال, أنت رجل بلا شرف.
ألم تخجل, ألم تقل ان هذه جارتي إمرأة؟؟
كيف سمحت لنفسك لتدخل محلي وتكسره كالثور الهائج؟؟
من أين تعلمتم هذه الإخلاق؟؟
وددت لو أبصق في وجهه, لكن أخلاقي لم تسمح.
أخذته سيارة الشرطة بعيدا...حيث وقع على ورقة إعتذار وتعهد بتصليح زجاج المحل على نفقته....
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الأربعاء, الخميس, الجمعة
لم أذهب للعمل...نفسيتي متعبه...أتخيل ذلك الحيوان كل ساعة, وهو يهجم ويحطم المحل...
الشعور بفقدان الأمان شعور مرعب..... يحتلني, ويصيبني بكآبة شديدة, وصمت عميق.
ما الذي يحدث لنا؟؟؟
الفوضى تعصف بحياتنا, وتشتت وحدتنا...
صرنا كالغرباء, كل واحد منا يخشى غدر الآخر....
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الأحد 13/7
اول اجتماع لمجلس الحكم الإنتقالي.
الناس منقسمون..
البعض يتفاءل ويجدهم نواة دولة عراقية جديدة..
والبعض يراهم بلا شرعية, حيث تدخل في تعيينهم بريمر...الحاكم المدني , وبوجود قوات الإحتلال..
لا أدري من على حق...
الأيام سترينا المزيد, وتتوضح الصورة.
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الخميس 17/7
عينا موظفا جديدا, وعندنا مشروع جديد هو مسؤول عنه...
اليوم بلغني أنه سرقت أمس سيارته من الكراج وبداخلها عشرة منظومات تعقيم للمستشفيات.
القصة غير مقنعة, والشبهة تدور حول الموظف الجديد, لكننا لا نملك أدلة.
ما يحدث لنا؟؟
المنغصات لا تتوقف...كأن ثمة لعنة حلت علينا جميعا...
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الثلاثاء 22/7
يوم تاريخي...
قصف منزل في الموصل وفيه عدي وقصي وابنه...
قتل الثلاثة ...
*****************
الأربعاء, الخميس
صورهم في الجرائد....
لا أصدق, لا أحد يصدق..
يا لها من نهاية مفزعة.
يقولون أن نهاية كل إنسان تشبه حياته ذاتها...
نعم, نهايتهم قاسية بشعة...مثل حياتهم.
من سيتعلم الدرس ؟
أرى الناس كالحمقي. يأكل بعضهم بعضا... ولا يبالون بالدروس التي امامهم.
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الجمعة 25/7
عزام عاد من عمان بطريق البر...
وجهه شاحب..
قال انه تم ايقاف سيارتهم من قبل مجموعة مسلحة, وسلبوه النقود في محفظته وساعته ودبلة الزواج.
بقينا مذهولين...
ماذا يحدث لنا؟؟
لا أحد يملك تفسيرا....
قوات الإحتلال تملأ الشوارع...لكن لا فائدة منها...
لماذا هم هنا؟؟
وماذا يفعلون؟؟؟
**********************************
الأحد 27/7
قرأت سبتايتل على الفضائيات...
إغتيال الدكتور محمد الراوي, في عيادته, وأمام عيون زوجته ومرضاه, مساء .
يا لها من وقاحة, ويالها من خسارة للعراق.
كان عقلا ذكيا فذا, وشخصية قيادية....
كان نقيب الأطباء, ورئيس جامعة بغداد....
وكان قبل هذا وذاك, صديقا حميما لإخوتي الثلاثة الأطباء منذ أيام المدرسة...
كانت أمي رحمها الله تحبه كثيرا وتعامله كأحد أولادها...
إنعصر قلبي حزنا عليه, وعلى زوجته وأولاده الثلاثة.
لم أقدر على الذهاب للعزاء...
ذهبت أخواتي وأخوتي كلهم.
لا أعرف....فضلت الإبتعاد والإكتفاء بالحزن دون رؤية زوجته وأولاده...
فذلك سيزيد آلامي...لست مستعدة للمزيد...
ذهبت فقط لأعزي أخي, كان صديق طفولته...
فوجدته شاحبا محطما...بكيت وأحسست بالظلم والضعف...لكننا لا نقدر على شيء..
ثمة أعداء مجهولين جدد....يحيطون بنا ويدمرون حياتنا...ونحن في حالة ذهول....
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1/8
انتهت امتحانات خالد في الجامعة, وذهب ليعمل مع منظمة إيطالية غير حكومية( جسر الى...)
مع سيمونا توريتا...كلنا نحبها ونعاملها كواحدة من العائلة.
رائد يعمل مع منظمة( سيفك) لإحصاء الجرحى والقتلى المدنيين العراقيين , أنهوا العمل تقريبا, وهو يرتب أموره لإنشاء منظمة عراقية غير حكومية ( إعمار) لإعادة بناء المجتمع المدني العراقي في بغداد ومحافظات الجنوب.
ماجد مع جريدة المواجهة ومع رائد.
عزام مشغول في العمل والسفر دائما...
أنا أختبيء في البيت بعد دوام العمل...أقرأ القرآن, وكتب مختلفة, بعيدا عن العالم والناس وأخبار المصائب اليومية.
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السبت 2 /8
دفن عدي وقصي وابنه مصطفى في تكريت...
المنظر مؤلم وقاس...
لكن هذه هي الدنيا...فمن يتعلم؟؟؟
**********************************
الخميس 7/8
يوم أسود حزين...
كارثة تفجير السفارة الأردنية...سيارة مفخخة تقف مقابل السفارة.
القتلى والجرحى من العراقيين المدنيين...
من له مصلحة في هذه الأعمال الإجرامية؟؟؟
لا أحد يدري....
**********************
سافرت أختي الصغيرة وبناتها الى عمان خوفا من التهديدات ..
زوجها في عمان...خرج للعلاج ولم يرجع.
حزنت على فراقها...لكن الأمان لها أهم, سأصبر على فراقها...
*****************************
الثلاثاء 19/8
تفجير فندق القناة, مقر الأمم المتحدة, كارثة أخرى.. ويوم أسود حزين آخر....
مقتل دي ميليو تحت الأنقاض..مع 23 شخصا وجرح 100 شخص.
القتلى والجرحى خليط من اجانب وعرب.
بكينا عليهم جميعا...
ووضعنا أيدينا على أفواهنا المفتوحة من الرعب والدهشة..
ما الذي يحدث لنا؟؟
ومن أين جاء هؤلاء المجرمون؟؟؟
العراق صار ساحة المواجهة والقتل والدمار؟؟
ونحن نحلم ببناء وطن جديد....
ما الذي يحدث هنا؟؟؟
ومن الذي يمزق أحلامنا ويهزأ بنا ؟؟
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الخميس 21/8
أجلس في البيت بعد العودة من العمل, وحيدة, خائفة, مكتئبة.
عندي شعور أن وقت الفرح قد انتهى من حياتنا...وان الأحزان والمصائب تنهال علينا...
سقط صدام حسين...وظننا أن الشرور انتهت من العالم....
لكننا نرى اليوم شرورا أعظم....
ما الذي يحدث؟؟
والى أين نسير؟؟
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الجمعة 29/8
انفجار سيارة مفخخة في النجف ومقتل آية الله باقر الحكيم...الزعيم الشيعي...
ومئات من المدنيين العراقيين جرحى وقتلى.
يا الهي...
حياتنا تتحول الى كابوس ....
*****************************
شهر أيلول...
سافرنا الى عمان...
رائد وسلام وسيمونا في سيارة.
وخالد وماجد وأنا في سيارة.
عمان هدوء وأمان وعالم آخر....
لكنه عالم فيه رائحة الغربة والوحشة.
أحن الى بغداد....ولا أقدر أن أنساها...
الأولاد يخرجون مع أصدقائهم...وأبقى في الشقة, أجلس على كرسي في الفرندة الزجاجية...وأحدق في شوارع المدينة
ومبانيها, صباح مساء....
ما أجمل الأمان والهدوء.....
تمنيتهم للعراق وأهل العراق...
أحس بوحشة شديدة وأشتاق لبغداد...
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شهر 10/11/12 (نهاية 2003)
رائد يعمل مع منظمة إعمار...
خالد وماجد مدارس وجامعة..
ايقاع الحياة مقلق ومخيف وكئيب...الأمان ينعدم يوما بعد يوم...
سيارات مفخخة وتفجيرات واغتيالات مستمرة....
مجلس الحكم لا يملك اية سلطة لتحسين الوضع.
قوات التحالف تذرع الشوارع والسماء ليلا ونهارا, ولا تحسن في حياتنا.
الأمور تتجه نحو الأسوأ....
الله وحده يعلم الى أين نمضي....
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Thursday, August 05, 2004
Friday, 25th., April, 2003
I wish the electricity would come back to Al-Mansoor area, so shops would re-open again, and we get back to work…I wish the city would become peaceful again, and life would be like it was…and better…that I would go back to my job…The house-cleaning campaign is still on…we washed the curtains, and the back garden. We cleaned the dining and guest rooms rugs. I took the plants from inside the rooms to the garden, as it became yellowish, and some parts of them were dead…the rooms now are spotlessly clean, after the war dust, and the sand storms.Today, Tarik Azzeez surrendered to the coalition forces…and the 55 most wanted American list is shorter, by 13.
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Saturday, 26th., April, 2003
Resuming the house-cleaning campaign.. I do want this campaign to finish, and perhaps things would get better next week, by the will of GOD, so I could go back to work.
*************
Sunday, 27th., April, 2003
The cleaning is still going on.. We washed the curtains of the three bed-rooms, and their rugs. We re-arranged Majid's room as it was before the war…During the war we called it (The Fortified Room), and all the family used to sleep there. The weather is dusty…I feel very tired…my whole body is hurting me.. And I still have to clean the kitchen's closets, and the book case, the closet in my room, and in Khalid's…I shall kill my self, of boredom…
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Monday, 28th., April,2003
I went to my sister's house in the morning. She is a pharmacist, but I didn't find her. Her daughters told me that she went to open the pharmacy.I was so happy to hear this news…By GOD'S will I too shall go to work by next week.I bought some things for the house from Al-Amaal Al-Sha'aby Street in Ameriya, where I felt that life has started to move back gradually.In spite of the short-termed electricity current…but the movements in the markets became more active. Most people buy meat, vegetables, and dairy products every day… because refrigerators have been omitted from our lives… we went back to the ages before electricity.Khalid, Ra'id, and Majid went to Al-Fannar Hotel today, in front of Palestine Hotel, where they would meet Non-Governmental Organizations, and some old and new friends…Ra'id went to Karballa yesterday, with Marla, from (CIVIC) Organization, where they started working to count the wounded and killed Iraqi civilians during the war. Ra'id tells painful stories about children who played with cluster bombs, then the bombs exploded upon the, killing them, or filling their bodies with splinters.. Or cut their limbs...Many new casualties enter daily into the southern cities hospitals, the families of farmers who go down the fields to reap wheat or rice, and a cluster bomb would explode from among the plants.. Ra'id said that while he was there, eleven people, members of the same family, were admitted, seven of whom died, and the rest remained wounded…They started printing precautionary posters, warning the citizens of these bombs. I took a few posters to stick in the front window of our shop, and to distribute them to the neighboring shops. Such bombs were dropped upon Al-Furat District area near our house, the night the coalition forces entered Baghdad Airport, also upon Abu-Ghareeb area…where casualties occurred when people were cleaning the streets and burning the garbage, and the cluster bombs exploded upon the.
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*Tuesday, 29th., April, 2003
I finished cleaning the house…Boredom… nothing new…Electricity is rarely here…*********************
Thursday, 1 st., May, 2003
There is a crisis about benzol and cooking Gas…perhaps they would be available next week
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Friday, 2nd , May, 2003 Laundry, cooking, and dish washing, then cloth sorting. Tomorrow I shall start working in the shop, by GOD's will… the schools shall also start tomorrow…by GOD, I wish all would be peaceful and cool…
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Saturday, 3rd , May, 2003
I started working in the shop. There is no electricity…but the shop is clean and tidy, as Azzam and Abu-Ahmed, our employee, re-arranged it, re-polishing the wooden desk, and the book case behind it, I was very happy…There is a noticeable congestion at the petrol stations. There are unpleasant stories from our customers, about killings and car despoiling incidents.
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Sunday, 4th , May, 2003
I started working again…electricity came, to make me happier.The traffic lights are working in most streets…and most of the shops are open…
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Monday, 5th , / Tuesday, 6th , May, 2003
I go to work…there is no electricity. I saw some traffic policemen, then they disappeared the next day. The policemen are unarmed, the Americans are forbidding them to carry weapons, how could they defend themselves, or defend an Iraqi under threat? And now we can't carry weapons to defend our selves? Who will protect us? The American tanks are roaming the streets, but they are not concerned with the killings or despoiling events…they do not interfere. What are they doing then?? Where is the army, where is the Iraqi police???
*****************
Wednesday, 7th , May, 2003
I stopped going to work…I made a strike. Only a gloomy feeling, and staying at home…there is no electricity.. Quite a crowed on the petrol station… no safety in the streets…******************
Monday, 12th , May , 2003
I went to work. Still no electricity… the streets are busy, there are no police, no security. The benzol is being sold on the street corners (Black market)… there is no cooking gas. The country is in chaos, accidents are increasing every day. I feel very depressed.
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Wednesday, 21st, May, 2003
Electricity is on at the hours : 6-8 p.m., 2-4 a.m., the Americans are spreading news about achievements they have accomplished…but on actual grounds we see nothing… we don't know whether they are truthful or not… The schools are open, they are teaching whatever, the importance being for the children to finish their school year. Some schools were destroyed during the war, so, they merged the students with others from another school, and made the school day in two shifts, morning and afternoon... then a date for the final exams was fixed, the 7th. Of June. The universities are in total disarray... with elections... there are some fights between the professors, among themselves and with students... This week's slogan is : (eradicate the Ba'ath.,), launched by Premar...People seem to have gone crazy, each is ripping the other, aggressively. They threw down the statue of Ahmed Hassan Al-Baker, and the metal statues of the Um Al-Toubol Martyrs were stolen, by a gang who stole them and melted them down, as they say, in order to sell them. And the Al-Sa'adoon statue, of the Iraqi prime minister during the Monarchic period, was stolen also…his family is complaining and demanding an investigation. All senior Ba'athi officials were dismissed from state offices, and from universities and schools. Most professors and teachers were Ba'ahtis, whether they liked it or not. But no one is listening to their complaints. A state of chaos and aggressive behavior is infecting people against each other.
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Saturday, 31st , May , 2003
Electricity is a little better. Benzol is still a problem, while cooking gas is starting to be available, but with an expensive price (3000 Dinars), before the war, a bottle was sold at (300 Dinars). A campaign is starting to collect weapons from the houses. My spirits are better. Azzam has traveled, and I go to work every day. The business is with private citizens only, there are no state offices or organizations.
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Monday, 7th, June, 2003
The electrical engineer who was repairing my car a week ago, then disappeared, came to my shop. His head and hand were bound, on his face there were scars… he apologized for the delay, as an armed gang attacked him, and wanted to steel the car of a customer he was driving with. But the owner refused to give up his car keys, after he activated the alarm system, crippling the car, and threw the keys away… they beat the owner until he passed out, then left him in the street, it was noon time. Then they took the engineer with them, in the car trunk, tying his hands and covering his eyes, they took him to a house in a crowded, popular area, Al-Washash, were no Iraqi police would enter, perhaps not even the Americans. They beat him in punishment for not helping them get the keys… in the afternoon, an old man came, perhaps their father or uncle, the engineer begged him to let him go free, because he is from Mousel, and wants to go back to his family, and because he was blameless in the matter, as it was the owner who refused to give up his car. The man felt sorry for him, gave him a clean shirt, instead of the one that was torn and full of blood. They covered his eyes, then dropped him off the main street, where he spent the night at a relative's house. He came to say goodbye, saying he will go back to his family in Mousel, as Baghdad has become intolerable. I felt very sad for him, the story bothered me very much…I decided not to use my car from now on… I covered it with a thick cover…then arranged with the son of my neighbors, who was a state employee, and has now become jobless, to take me to work every day, then get me back at noon. ***********************
Wednesday, 4th, June , 2003
Azzam is in Amman on business. Majid has second term exams and is busy studying. Khalid goes to the university three days a week. Ra'id works with the (CIVIC) Organization to count the dead and wounded. He goes down to the south every Saturday, and gets back on Tuesday or Wednesday night…..My mind remains worried for him until he comes back…the roads in the south are not safe…there are lootings and killings too… I keep asking God to safe Ra'id and those with him, as long as they work for the good of people…Perhaps after collecting the information about the victims, they could demand compensations from the American government, for the victim's families…for houses destroyed…or family members killed or wounded.I go to work with the driver, and Abu-Ahmed, our employee, who is a neighbor. When I get out of work, I buy the fruit, vegetables, bread, and other house necessities, then they drop me home. I lost a lot of my personal freedom, and the joy of driving my car…but I gave it all up for safety. Most neighbors, relatives and friends put their valuable cars in their garages, with a thick cover, then started moving around with moderate cars, and a driver.I took the computer to the shop. Before the war, I used to take a course of computer skills and software, but I seem to have forgotten most of it…I enlisted in the institute for a new, intensive course, and in the afternoon, I arranged with another driver to take me with Khalid to the institute, then take us back home.The streets were forbidding, unsafe, and depressive. There were few students at the institute, while before the war it was full of students. But now that the conditions are a lot less safe, where are the job opportunities?Most state offices are destroyed; the employees stand in the street, or get inside the ministry, only to find no chairs or desks, so they gather daily to meet each other, then go home. Many rumors and tales have risen about the salaries, there are worries and hunger in the houses. Some ministries have been disbanded, its employees sat at home, with no past, and no future. The Ministry of Information, the staff of The Radio & T.V. …the Ministry of Defense, the officers, the soldiers and their families… Every day there are demonstrations and clashes with the coalition forces…people wonder: what is our fate, and that of our families???I don't know… the general conditions are obscure and depressing.
***************************
Thursday, 5th, June, 2003
Khaleel, my youngest sister's husband, is a pharmacist. He used to work as a general manager in the Ministry of health… He had a good reputation in the ministry, and used to help people a lot… now he is meeting with American comities to organize the work of the ministry…The situation is very difficult…there are no salaries for employees, the offices are burned…the hospitals plundered, but the coalition forces are trying to get the situation under control again…. We deem them responsible for whatever catastrophes that took place…there was a delinquency from their side, and bad management. OR perhaps they intended these catastrophes to happen…I don't know, but people are angry, asking: what are these thousands of soldiers doing here?? And every thing is falling backwards…. Khaleel, my brother in law, had a brain clot while working at the ministry...they admitted him to hospital…my sister is in very tired spirits…I went to visit them, he can't walk or talk…I felt very sad for him, he is at the beginnings of forties, facing lots of pressures…his wife said he will die of sorrow for what happened to the ministry, and we shall be orphaned, me and my daughters…she had a fight with him, telling him to leave the job there, for you will either die of exhaustion, or some malicious ignorant will assassinate you, thinking you a happy beneficiary. Perhaps he will travel abroad for treatment. Gangs are still killing and despoiling, every day there are new, painful, stories. Many families still have missing people, whom they are looking for…most of them went missing during the entry of the coalition forces into Baghdad… the roads were closed, so no body knew the news...perhaps they died during the fighting between the coalition forces and the Iraqis. People mostly are divided into two factions…some support the Americans and feel optimistic about their presence …while the others do not see good in their presence. Some resistance operations have started, and missiles were launched at the Americans…We say, it is still early to judge them…give them a chance, and we will see the truth with time. We will know if they were truthful, or liars.
****************************
Sunday, 8th, June, 2003
I started my typing and computer course…my mood isn't what it used to be, in former courses I was more active, more smart and cheerful…but today I find my self dull and frustrated…with no mood at all to comprehend the information …. I don't know, maybe the war changes people into the worst. The city is filling with new Newspapers…some of them are comforting, some are silly. Majid works with the (Al-Muwajaha = confrontation) Newspaper, which criticizes the coalition forces…. The coalition forces sent someone to the press office asking about it, and who writes in it…I am afraid they would take Majid to prison, I said to him: darling, we don't want any troubles…we just got rid of Saddam, who said America is democratic 100%?Perhaps they have democracy there, for their people, but I do not suppose they will treat us as they would treat their people…for us they are occupation forces. Majid says: I wish they would arrest one of us, so we could collide with them and expose them, where is the democracy???Oh, my son, why do you love trouble??? He laughs and says: Mama, don't be a coward, let us walk a new path…I find he is right…but I fear for him…I want no one to hurt him. And I don't want to deprive him from having his own experience in life… our generation was wronged…Yes; we studied, learned, worked, and succeeded, but we were deprived from the opportunity of contributing in making a better life... perhaps this is a new chance to move and craft our life all a new...I would love for Majid and his generation to own their freedom, and succeed in making a better future for their generation... I like their daring and enthusiasm… I pray to GOD to keep them safe, and faring.They go out every day with Cameras, and make reports with people, some times interviewing soldiers from the coalition forces, but with no ability of communication, because the soldier doesn't have the permission to talk to people…. The soldier obeys orders only, and doesn't argue. And this is a problem…there can be no communication between them and people as ordinary humans, who eat and drink and make friendships, then we hope they would go back to America and tell their government to pull its troops from there…I do not think they could do such a thing. Most of them come from poor families, who need the tempting salary. Why should he be concerned with the Iraqi misery???
***************************
Monday, 9th, June, 2003
A customer came to the shop, with some materials used in water purifying systems. I knew these materials were not imported individually, because they were missing from the market before the war, and only state organizations had them. He brought samples, and asked me if I would buy from him??I asked him first: where did you get them from???...confess, I said, laughing.Do you want the truth??? He asked, naively.Yes, tell me the truth…I said, in a high voice…there were other customers in the shop, and I found the dialogue worthy of hearing.He said he stole them from state organizations. Why?He said that Saddam Hussein executed his uncle, who was in the army…And did your uncle come back alive?? Or is he happy in paradise???How should I know?? He said. Then shook his shoulders: then what should I have done???.I felt angry, because of his great stupidity, and his ugly crime which he hasn't realized till now…My laughter turned to anger, I said: And what should I tell my maker on the Day of Judgment??? That I bought stolen materials from you??? As if I have shared your sin…He dragged his feet out, completely let-down…then returned, begging in the same dumb way: O.K….give a piece of advice, for a Muslim brother.Ha...ha...ha. I wanted to roar in laughter, but the situation was disasters, and wouldn't stand a laugh. I shouted angrily at him: And what have you left to Islam???I wished I would get up and hit him on the face, hoping he would wake up from his slumber. My nerves were burning…. I kept remembering him all day, remembering the dialogue with him, then my blood would boil in anger…I kept grumbling upon him, his foolishness and stupidity. The customers and employees in the shop were laughing, telling me not to mind him, he is scum… I was very sad, because this model was new on the screen of our lives, the ignorant thieve model, an enemy of himself and his country, and he doesn't know it.
*********************************
As if some devil has touched up our lives…touched up every one, and they got mad. The government officials are fighting among them selves, Ba'athis and non- Ba'athis, top officials and minor officials…people on the streets are divided between a peaceful, fearful, person, and a brutish villain, who wouldn't stop at any crime, and who would stop him??? … No police, no army, no state…only a coalition force roaming the streets in tanks, as if parading them selves, not believing they really got here….living in a world which is not connected to ours…. We are all wondering: why did they come, what are they doing???No one knows the answer…maybe in time we shall find out.
*****************************
Translated by May / Baghdad.
I wish the electricity would come back to Al-Mansoor area, so shops would re-open again, and we get back to work…I wish the city would become peaceful again, and life would be like it was…and better…that I would go back to my job…The house-cleaning campaign is still on…we washed the curtains, and the back garden. We cleaned the dining and guest rooms rugs. I took the plants from inside the rooms to the garden, as it became yellowish, and some parts of them were dead…the rooms now are spotlessly clean, after the war dust, and the sand storms.Today, Tarik Azzeez surrendered to the coalition forces…and the 55 most wanted American list is shorter, by 13.
***************************************
Saturday, 26th., April, 2003
Resuming the house-cleaning campaign.. I do want this campaign to finish, and perhaps things would get better next week, by the will of GOD, so I could go back to work.
*************
Sunday, 27th., April, 2003
The cleaning is still going on.. We washed the curtains of the three bed-rooms, and their rugs. We re-arranged Majid's room as it was before the war…During the war we called it (The Fortified Room), and all the family used to sleep there. The weather is dusty…I feel very tired…my whole body is hurting me.. And I still have to clean the kitchen's closets, and the book case, the closet in my room, and in Khalid's…I shall kill my self, of boredom…
***************
Monday, 28th., April,2003
I went to my sister's house in the morning. She is a pharmacist, but I didn't find her. Her daughters told me that she went to open the pharmacy.I was so happy to hear this news…By GOD'S will I too shall go to work by next week.I bought some things for the house from Al-Amaal Al-Sha'aby Street in Ameriya, where I felt that life has started to move back gradually.In spite of the short-termed electricity current…but the movements in the markets became more active. Most people buy meat, vegetables, and dairy products every day… because refrigerators have been omitted from our lives… we went back to the ages before electricity.Khalid, Ra'id, and Majid went to Al-Fannar Hotel today, in front of Palestine Hotel, where they would meet Non-Governmental Organizations, and some old and new friends…Ra'id went to Karballa yesterday, with Marla, from (CIVIC) Organization, where they started working to count the wounded and killed Iraqi civilians during the war. Ra'id tells painful stories about children who played with cluster bombs, then the bombs exploded upon the, killing them, or filling their bodies with splinters.. Or cut their limbs...Many new casualties enter daily into the southern cities hospitals, the families of farmers who go down the fields to reap wheat or rice, and a cluster bomb would explode from among the plants.. Ra'id said that while he was there, eleven people, members of the same family, were admitted, seven of whom died, and the rest remained wounded…They started printing precautionary posters, warning the citizens of these bombs. I took a few posters to stick in the front window of our shop, and to distribute them to the neighboring shops. Such bombs were dropped upon Al-Furat District area near our house, the night the coalition forces entered Baghdad Airport, also upon Abu-Ghareeb area…where casualties occurred when people were cleaning the streets and burning the garbage, and the cluster bombs exploded upon the.
********************
*Tuesday, 29th., April, 2003
I finished cleaning the house…Boredom… nothing new…Electricity is rarely here…*********************
Thursday, 1 st., May, 2003
There is a crisis about benzol and cooking Gas…perhaps they would be available next week
.*******************
Friday, 2nd , May, 2003 Laundry, cooking, and dish washing, then cloth sorting. Tomorrow I shall start working in the shop, by GOD's will… the schools shall also start tomorrow…by GOD, I wish all would be peaceful and cool…
******************
Saturday, 3rd , May, 2003
I started working in the shop. There is no electricity…but the shop is clean and tidy, as Azzam and Abu-Ahmed, our employee, re-arranged it, re-polishing the wooden desk, and the book case behind it, I was very happy…There is a noticeable congestion at the petrol stations. There are unpleasant stories from our customers, about killings and car despoiling incidents.
*****************
Sunday, 4th , May, 2003
I started working again…electricity came, to make me happier.The traffic lights are working in most streets…and most of the shops are open…
***************
Monday, 5th , / Tuesday, 6th , May, 2003
I go to work…there is no electricity. I saw some traffic policemen, then they disappeared the next day. The policemen are unarmed, the Americans are forbidding them to carry weapons, how could they defend themselves, or defend an Iraqi under threat? And now we can't carry weapons to defend our selves? Who will protect us? The American tanks are roaming the streets, but they are not concerned with the killings or despoiling events…they do not interfere. What are they doing then?? Where is the army, where is the Iraqi police???
*****************
Wednesday, 7th , May, 2003
I stopped going to work…I made a strike. Only a gloomy feeling, and staying at home…there is no electricity.. Quite a crowed on the petrol station… no safety in the streets…******************
Monday, 12th , May , 2003
I went to work. Still no electricity… the streets are busy, there are no police, no security. The benzol is being sold on the street corners (Black market)… there is no cooking gas. The country is in chaos, accidents are increasing every day. I feel very depressed.
**************
Wednesday, 21st, May, 2003
Electricity is on at the hours : 6-8 p.m., 2-4 a.m., the Americans are spreading news about achievements they have accomplished…but on actual grounds we see nothing… we don't know whether they are truthful or not… The schools are open, they are teaching whatever, the importance being for the children to finish their school year. Some schools were destroyed during the war, so, they merged the students with others from another school, and made the school day in two shifts, morning and afternoon... then a date for the final exams was fixed, the 7th. Of June. The universities are in total disarray... with elections... there are some fights between the professors, among themselves and with students... This week's slogan is : (eradicate the Ba'ath.,), launched by Premar...People seem to have gone crazy, each is ripping the other, aggressively. They threw down the statue of Ahmed Hassan Al-Baker, and the metal statues of the Um Al-Toubol Martyrs were stolen, by a gang who stole them and melted them down, as they say, in order to sell them. And the Al-Sa'adoon statue, of the Iraqi prime minister during the Monarchic period, was stolen also…his family is complaining and demanding an investigation. All senior Ba'athi officials were dismissed from state offices, and from universities and schools. Most professors and teachers were Ba'ahtis, whether they liked it or not. But no one is listening to their complaints. A state of chaos and aggressive behavior is infecting people against each other.
***************
Saturday, 31st , May , 2003
Electricity is a little better. Benzol is still a problem, while cooking gas is starting to be available, but with an expensive price (3000 Dinars), before the war, a bottle was sold at (300 Dinars). A campaign is starting to collect weapons from the houses. My spirits are better. Azzam has traveled, and I go to work every day. The business is with private citizens only, there are no state offices or organizations.
***************
Monday, 7th, June, 2003
The electrical engineer who was repairing my car a week ago, then disappeared, came to my shop. His head and hand were bound, on his face there were scars… he apologized for the delay, as an armed gang attacked him, and wanted to steel the car of a customer he was driving with. But the owner refused to give up his car keys, after he activated the alarm system, crippling the car, and threw the keys away… they beat the owner until he passed out, then left him in the street, it was noon time. Then they took the engineer with them, in the car trunk, tying his hands and covering his eyes, they took him to a house in a crowded, popular area, Al-Washash, were no Iraqi police would enter, perhaps not even the Americans. They beat him in punishment for not helping them get the keys… in the afternoon, an old man came, perhaps their father or uncle, the engineer begged him to let him go free, because he is from Mousel, and wants to go back to his family, and because he was blameless in the matter, as it was the owner who refused to give up his car. The man felt sorry for him, gave him a clean shirt, instead of the one that was torn and full of blood. They covered his eyes, then dropped him off the main street, where he spent the night at a relative's house. He came to say goodbye, saying he will go back to his family in Mousel, as Baghdad has become intolerable. I felt very sad for him, the story bothered me very much…I decided not to use my car from now on… I covered it with a thick cover…then arranged with the son of my neighbors, who was a state employee, and has now become jobless, to take me to work every day, then get me back at noon. ***********************
Wednesday, 4th, June , 2003
Azzam is in Amman on business. Majid has second term exams and is busy studying. Khalid goes to the university three days a week. Ra'id works with the (CIVIC) Organization to count the dead and wounded. He goes down to the south every Saturday, and gets back on Tuesday or Wednesday night…..My mind remains worried for him until he comes back…the roads in the south are not safe…there are lootings and killings too… I keep asking God to safe Ra'id and those with him, as long as they work for the good of people…Perhaps after collecting the information about the victims, they could demand compensations from the American government, for the victim's families…for houses destroyed…or family members killed or wounded.I go to work with the driver, and Abu-Ahmed, our employee, who is a neighbor. When I get out of work, I buy the fruit, vegetables, bread, and other house necessities, then they drop me home. I lost a lot of my personal freedom, and the joy of driving my car…but I gave it all up for safety. Most neighbors, relatives and friends put their valuable cars in their garages, with a thick cover, then started moving around with moderate cars, and a driver.I took the computer to the shop. Before the war, I used to take a course of computer skills and software, but I seem to have forgotten most of it…I enlisted in the institute for a new, intensive course, and in the afternoon, I arranged with another driver to take me with Khalid to the institute, then take us back home.The streets were forbidding, unsafe, and depressive. There were few students at the institute, while before the war it was full of students. But now that the conditions are a lot less safe, where are the job opportunities?Most state offices are destroyed; the employees stand in the street, or get inside the ministry, only to find no chairs or desks, so they gather daily to meet each other, then go home. Many rumors and tales have risen about the salaries, there are worries and hunger in the houses. Some ministries have been disbanded, its employees sat at home, with no past, and no future. The Ministry of Information, the staff of The Radio & T.V. …the Ministry of Defense, the officers, the soldiers and their families… Every day there are demonstrations and clashes with the coalition forces…people wonder: what is our fate, and that of our families???I don't know… the general conditions are obscure and depressing.
***************************
Thursday, 5th, June, 2003
Khaleel, my youngest sister's husband, is a pharmacist. He used to work as a general manager in the Ministry of health… He had a good reputation in the ministry, and used to help people a lot… now he is meeting with American comities to organize the work of the ministry…The situation is very difficult…there are no salaries for employees, the offices are burned…the hospitals plundered, but the coalition forces are trying to get the situation under control again…. We deem them responsible for whatever catastrophes that took place…there was a delinquency from their side, and bad management. OR perhaps they intended these catastrophes to happen…I don't know, but people are angry, asking: what are these thousands of soldiers doing here?? And every thing is falling backwards…. Khaleel, my brother in law, had a brain clot while working at the ministry...they admitted him to hospital…my sister is in very tired spirits…I went to visit them, he can't walk or talk…I felt very sad for him, he is at the beginnings of forties, facing lots of pressures…his wife said he will die of sorrow for what happened to the ministry, and we shall be orphaned, me and my daughters…she had a fight with him, telling him to leave the job there, for you will either die of exhaustion, or some malicious ignorant will assassinate you, thinking you a happy beneficiary. Perhaps he will travel abroad for treatment. Gangs are still killing and despoiling, every day there are new, painful, stories. Many families still have missing people, whom they are looking for…most of them went missing during the entry of the coalition forces into Baghdad… the roads were closed, so no body knew the news...perhaps they died during the fighting between the coalition forces and the Iraqis. People mostly are divided into two factions…some support the Americans and feel optimistic about their presence …while the others do not see good in their presence. Some resistance operations have started, and missiles were launched at the Americans…We say, it is still early to judge them…give them a chance, and we will see the truth with time. We will know if they were truthful, or liars.
****************************
Sunday, 8th, June, 2003
I started my typing and computer course…my mood isn't what it used to be, in former courses I was more active, more smart and cheerful…but today I find my self dull and frustrated…with no mood at all to comprehend the information …. I don't know, maybe the war changes people into the worst. The city is filling with new Newspapers…some of them are comforting, some are silly. Majid works with the (Al-Muwajaha = confrontation) Newspaper, which criticizes the coalition forces…. The coalition forces sent someone to the press office asking about it, and who writes in it…I am afraid they would take Majid to prison, I said to him: darling, we don't want any troubles…we just got rid of Saddam, who said America is democratic 100%?Perhaps they have democracy there, for their people, but I do not suppose they will treat us as they would treat their people…for us they are occupation forces. Majid says: I wish they would arrest one of us, so we could collide with them and expose them, where is the democracy???Oh, my son, why do you love trouble??? He laughs and says: Mama, don't be a coward, let us walk a new path…I find he is right…but I fear for him…I want no one to hurt him. And I don't want to deprive him from having his own experience in life… our generation was wronged…Yes; we studied, learned, worked, and succeeded, but we were deprived from the opportunity of contributing in making a better life... perhaps this is a new chance to move and craft our life all a new...I would love for Majid and his generation to own their freedom, and succeed in making a better future for their generation... I like their daring and enthusiasm… I pray to GOD to keep them safe, and faring.They go out every day with Cameras, and make reports with people, some times interviewing soldiers from the coalition forces, but with no ability of communication, because the soldier doesn't have the permission to talk to people…. The soldier obeys orders only, and doesn't argue. And this is a problem…there can be no communication between them and people as ordinary humans, who eat and drink and make friendships, then we hope they would go back to America and tell their government to pull its troops from there…I do not think they could do such a thing. Most of them come from poor families, who need the tempting salary. Why should he be concerned with the Iraqi misery???
***************************
Monday, 9th, June, 2003
A customer came to the shop, with some materials used in water purifying systems. I knew these materials were not imported individually, because they were missing from the market before the war, and only state organizations had them. He brought samples, and asked me if I would buy from him??I asked him first: where did you get them from???...confess, I said, laughing.Do you want the truth??? He asked, naively.Yes, tell me the truth…I said, in a high voice…there were other customers in the shop, and I found the dialogue worthy of hearing.He said he stole them from state organizations. Why?He said that Saddam Hussein executed his uncle, who was in the army…And did your uncle come back alive?? Or is he happy in paradise???How should I know?? He said. Then shook his shoulders: then what should I have done???.I felt angry, because of his great stupidity, and his ugly crime which he hasn't realized till now…My laughter turned to anger, I said: And what should I tell my maker on the Day of Judgment??? That I bought stolen materials from you??? As if I have shared your sin…He dragged his feet out, completely let-down…then returned, begging in the same dumb way: O.K….give a piece of advice, for a Muslim brother.Ha...ha...ha. I wanted to roar in laughter, but the situation was disasters, and wouldn't stand a laugh. I shouted angrily at him: And what have you left to Islam???I wished I would get up and hit him on the face, hoping he would wake up from his slumber. My nerves were burning…. I kept remembering him all day, remembering the dialogue with him, then my blood would boil in anger…I kept grumbling upon him, his foolishness and stupidity. The customers and employees in the shop were laughing, telling me not to mind him, he is scum… I was very sad, because this model was new on the screen of our lives, the ignorant thieve model, an enemy of himself and his country, and he doesn't know it.
*********************************
As if some devil has touched up our lives…touched up every one, and they got mad. The government officials are fighting among them selves, Ba'athis and non- Ba'athis, top officials and minor officials…people on the streets are divided between a peaceful, fearful, person, and a brutish villain, who wouldn't stop at any crime, and who would stop him??? … No police, no army, no state…only a coalition force roaming the streets in tanks, as if parading them selves, not believing they really got here….living in a world which is not connected to ours…. We are all wondering: why did they come, what are they doing???No one knows the answer…maybe in time we shall find out.
*****************************
Translated by May / Baghdad.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
الجمعة 25/4/003
أتمنى أن ترجع الكهرباء الى منطقة المنصور وتفتح المحلات أبوابها ونعود للعمل..وتصبح المدينة آمنه
وتعود الحياة كما كانت , وأفضل..
وأعود للدوام في عملي..
حملة تنظيف البيت مستمرة..
غسلنا الستائر, والحديقة الخلفية, ونظفنا سجادات غرفة الضيوف والطعام , وأخرجت النباتات من داخل الغرفتين الى الحديقة. حيث ذبلت واصفرت ومات جزء منها...
صارت الغرف نظيفة تماما, بعد غبار الحرب والعواصف الرملية.
اليوم طارق عزيز سلم نفسه لقوات التحالف..
قائمة المطلوبين 55, صار منهم عند الأمريكان 13 شخص .
***************************************
السبت 26/4
تكملة حملة تنظيف البيت..
أريد أن أكمل هذه الحملة, وربما تتحسن الأمور في الأسبوع القادم ان شاء الله, وأذهب للدوام.
*************
الأحد 27/4
ما زال التنظيف مستمر..
غسلنا ستائر غرف النوم الثلاثة, والسجادات.
وأعدنا ترتيب غرفة ماجد كما كانت قبل الحرب..
أثناء الحرب سميناها الغرفة المحصنة, كل العائلة تنام فيها.
الجو غبار...
وأنا تعبانه جدا..جسمي كله يؤلمني..
باقي علي تنظيف خزائن المطبخ, والمكتبة, وخزانة غرفتي, وخزانة غرفة خالد...
سأنتحر من الملل...
***************
الأثنين 28/4
مررت في الصباح على بيت أختي الصيدلانية, لم أجدها, بناتها قالوا : ماما ذهبت لتداوم في الصيدلية.
فرحت لسماع هذه الأخبار.. ان شاء الله أنا أيضا سأداوم الأسبوع القادم.
اشتريت أغراض للبيت من شارع العمل الشعبي في العامرية, أحسست أن الحياة بدأت تعود تدريجيا
رغم أن الكهرباء تأتي قليلا..لكت حركة الأسواق صارت أكثر نشاطا.
معظم الناس يشترون الخضار واللحوم ومنتجات الألبان كل يوم...لأن الثلاجات الغيت من حياتنا..
عدنا لعصور ما قبل الكهرباء.
خالد ورائد وماجد ذهبوا اليوم الى فندق الفنار مقابل فندق فلسطين, حيث يلتقون منظمات غير حكومية
وأصدقاء قدماء وجدد...
رائد ذهب أمس الى كربلاء مع مارلا من منظمة سيفك, حيث بدأوا العمل لإحصاء الجرحى والقتلى من المدنيين العراقيين خلال الحرب.
رائد يحكي عن قصص مؤلمة لأطفال يلعبون بالقنابل العنقودية ثم تنفجر بهم وتقتلهم...أو تملأ أجسادهم بالشظايا..
أو تفطع أطرافهم...
مستشفيات المدن الجنوبية يدخلها كل يوم ضحايا جدد, عوائل المزارعين ينزلون لحصاد القمح أو الشلب
فتنفجر بين الزرع قنابل عنقودية..
رائد يقول وصلت للمستشفى وهو هناك , عائلة واحدة عددهم 11 شخص, مات منهم 7 , والباقي جرحى...
بدأوا بطباعة منشورات تحذيرية لتنبيه الأهالي من تلك القنابل.
أخذت منها كمية لتلصيقها على واجهة المحل, وتوزيعها للمحلات القريبة .
تلك القنابل القي مثلها على منطقة حي الفرات القريب منا ليلة دخول قوات التحالف مطار بغداد, وكذلك منطقة ابو غريب...وقعت فيها ضحايا حين كانوا ينظفون الشوارع ويحرقون القمامة , فتنفجر عليهم القنابل العنقودية.
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الثلاثاء 29/4
أكملت تنظيف البيت...
ملل..
لا جديد.. الكهرباء لا تأتي إلا نادرا...
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الخميس 1/5
توجد أزمة حول البنزين وقناني الغاز للطبخ...
ربما تتوفر الأسبوع القادم
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الجمعة 2/5
غسيل وطبخ وغسل صحون, ثم ترتيب الملابس .
غدا ان شاء الله دوامي في المحل...
ودوام المدارس...
اللهم بردا وسلاما...
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السبت 3/5
داومت في المحل, لا يوجد كهرباء..
لكن المحل نظيف ومرتب حيث أعاد ترتيبه عزام مع أبو أحمد الموظف عندنا, وأعادوا صبغ المكتب الخشبي والمكتبة التي خلفي..
كنت في غاية السعادة...
ثمة إزدحام واضح عند محطات البنزين .
قصص مزعجة من الزبائن عن عمليات قتل وتسليب للسيارات.
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الأحد 4/5
داومت...جاءت الكهرباء, زادت سعادتي.
الإشارات الضوئية تشتغل في الشوارع..
معظم المحلات فتحت...
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الأثنين / الثلاثاء 5/5 و 6/5
داومت, لا توجد كهرباء..
رأيت شرطة مرور ثم اختفوا في اليوم التالي.
الشرطة غير مسلحين, الأمريكان يمنعونهم من حمل السلاح, كيف سيدافعون عن أنفسهم وعن عراقي
يتعرض للتهديد ؟
وممنوع علينا حمل أسلحة للدفاع عن أنفسنا؟
من يحمينا؟
الدبابات الأمريكية تجوب الشوارع, لكن لا علاقة لها بحوادث القتل والتسليب..لا تتدخل.
ماذا تفعل إذن؟؟
أين الجيش والشرطة العراقية؟؟
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الأربعاء 7/5
توقفت عن الدوام...عملت إضراب.
كآبة وجلوس في البيت..
لا توجد كهرباء..
الإزدحام على محطات الوقود..
انفقد الأمان في الشوارع...
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الإثنبن 12/5
داومت, لا توجد كهرباء..
الشوارع مزدحمة, لا يوجد شرطة , لا يوجد أمان .
البنزين يباع على طرف الشارع( سوق سوداء ) .
لا يوجد غاز للطبخ . البلد في حالة فوضى والحوادث تزداد كل يوم...
عندي إحباط.
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الأربعاء 21/5
الكهرباء تأتي بين الساعة 6-8 مساء
2-4 صباحا( فجرا )
الأمريكان ينشرون الدعايات عن انجازات قاموا بها...لكن على ارض الواقع لا نرى شيئا...
لا نعرف إن كانوا صادقين أم لا...
المدارس فتحت, الدراسة أي حاجة, المهم أن يكمل الأولاد عامهم الدراسي.
بعض المدارس تعرضت للدمار خلال الحرب, دمجوا الطلاب مع مدارس أخرى, وعملوا الدوام صباحي ومسائي...ثم حددوا تاريخ 7/6 ليكون بداية امتحانات نهاية السنة.
الجامعات فوضى وانتخابات...
معارك بين الأساتذة الجامعيين مع بعضهم والطلاب أيضا..
شعار هذا الأسبوع ( إستئصال البعث ) أطلقه بريمر... الناس كأنها ( انجلبت ) صاروا واحد يملخ الآخر بعدوانية شديدة.
أسقطوا تمثال البكر, وسرقت تماثيل المعدن لشهداء أم الطبول ويقولون ثمة عصابة صهرتها وباعتها,
وتمثال السعدون, رئيس الوزراء العراقي في فترة العهد الملكي, سرق أيضا..
عائلته تشتكي وتطالب بفتح تحقيق .
وطرد من الدوائر ومؤسسات الدولة كل ا لبعثيين الكبار.
ومن الجامعات والمدارس , الأساتذة كان معظمهم بعثيين, شاؤوا أم أبوا, لكن لا أحد يصغي لشكواهم.
حالة فوضى وعدوانية تصيب الناس ضد بعضهم .
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السبت 31/5
الكهرباء تحسنت .
البنزين ما زال مشكلة, والغاز بدأ يتوفر لكن بسعر غالي( 3000 دينار ) قبل الحرب كانت الجرة
ب 300 دينار .
ستبدأ حملة جمع الأسلحة من البيوت.
حالتي النفسية أحسن.
عزام مسافر, وأنا أذهب للعمل كل يوم, يوجد بيع للأهالي فقط , لا توجد دوائر دولة ولا مؤسسات .
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الإثنين 2/6
جاء للمحل المهندس الكهربائي الذي كان يصلح سيارتي قبل أسبوع ثم أختفى .
جاء معصوب الرأس ويده مربوطة, وعلى وجهه آثار جروح ...
وقال إنه يعتذر عن التأخير, حيث هاجمته عصابة مسلحة وأرادت أخذ سيارة زبون كان يقودها معه.
لكن صاحب السيارة رفض تسليمهم المفاتيح بعد أن قفل السيارة بجهاز الإنذار, والقى بالمفاتيح بعيدا...
ضربوا صاحب السيارة حتى أغمي عليه, وتركوه في الشارع وكان الوقت ظهرا, وأخذوا المهندس معهم في صندوف السيارة, وربطوا يديه وعيونه.
ثم نقلوه الى بيت في منطقة شعبية مزدحمة, الوشاش, لا تدخلها شرطة ولا قوات أمريكية ربما.
وضربوه عقابا لأنه لم يساهم في اعطائهم المفاتيح...
وفي المساء جاء رجل كبير السن ربما عمهم أو أبوهم, وتوسل اليه المهندس أن يطلقوا سراحه لأنه من الموصل ويريد العودة لأهله.
ولأنه لا ذنب له فيما حصل, فصاحب السيارة هو الذي رفض تسليمها لهم.
حن عليه الرجل, وأعطاه قميصا نظيفا بدل قميصه الذي تمزق وامتلأ بالدماء.
عصبوا عيونه ووصلوه الى الشارع العالم حيث ذهب ليبات الليل عند أقربائه, وجاء ليودعني, وقال انه سيعود لأهله في الموصل, بغداد صارت لا تطاق.
حزنت عليه وأزعجتني القصة كثيرا...وقررت الأ أستخدم سيارتي بعد اليوم.
وضعت عليها غطاء سميك( شادر ) ...
واتفقت مع إبن الجيران الذي كان موظفا في الدولة, وصار الآن بلا عمل, أن يوصلني الى عملي كل يوم , ويعود للظهر ليرجعني للبيت.
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الأربعاء 4/6
عزام مسافر الى عمان عنده عمل.
ماجد عنده امتحانات الفصل الثاني ومشغول بالدراسة.
خالد يداوم في الجامعة 3 أيام في الأسبوع .
رائد يعمل مع منظمة سيفك لإحصاء الجرحى والقتلى.
ينزل رائد كل يوم سبت الى الجنوب, ويعود مساء الثلاثاء أو الأربعاء.....
أظل مشغولة البال قلقة عليه حتى يعود...الطرق في الجنوب غير آمنه...يوجد تسليب وقتل أيضا...وأظل أدعو الله أن يحفظ رائد والذين معه ما داموا يعملون لخير الناس...
ربما بعد جمع المعلومات عن الضحايا يطالبون الحكومة الأمريكية بتعويضات لعوائل الضحايا... عن بيوتهم التي تدمرت أو أفراد العوائل الذين ماتوا أو جرحوا.
أذهب للعمل مع السائق والموظف عندنا أبو احمد معه لأنهم جيران.
حين أخرج من الدوام أشتري الخضار والفواكه والخبز وحاجات البيت, ثم يوصلوني للبيت .
فقدت كثيرا من حريتي الشخصية ومتعة قيادة السيارة...لكني أتنازل عنها مقابل الأمان.
معظم الجيران والأقارب والأصدقاء, وضعوا سياراتهم الثمينة وعليها شادر في الكراج, وصاروا يتحركون مع سيارة متواضعة وسائق .
أخذت الكومبيوتر الى المحل, كنت أخذت دورة تعليم على استعمال الكومبيوتر والبرامج قبل الحرب, لكني نسيت معظمها...سجلت في المعهد على دورة كومبيوتر جديدة ومكثفة, بعد الظهر, اتفقت مع سائق آخر يأخذني مع خالد الى المعهد, ثم يعودون لإرجاعي للبيت.
الشوارع موحشة وغير آمنه, وكئيبة, والمعهد طلابه قليلون, قبل الحرب كان يمتليء بالطلاب , لكن الآن الأحوال أقل أمانا, وفرص العمل...أين هي فرص العمل؟
دوائر الدولة محطمة والموظفون يقفون في الشارع, أو يدخلون الوزارة فلا يجدون كرسيا أو طاولة, يتجمعون كل يوم ليروا بعضهم ثم يعودون لبيوتهم.
الرواتب حولها قصص كثيرة واشاعات , والبيوت فيها قلق وجوع.
ووزارات تم حلها وجلس الموظفون في البيوت, بلا ماضي ولا مستقبل.
وزارة الإعلام, وموظفوا الإذاعة والتلفزيون...وزارة الدفاع والضباط والجنود وعوائلهم...
كل يوم مظاهرات واصطدامات مع قوات التحالف...الناس تتساءل ما مصيرنا ومصير عوائلنا ؟
لا أدري...
الوضع العام غامض ومحبط .
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الخميس 5/6
خليل, زوج أختي الصغيرة, صيدلاني وكان يعمل مديرا عاما في وزارة الصحة...
سمعته طيبة في الوزارة ويساعد الناس كثيرا...والآن يجتمع مع لجان من الأمريكان لترتيب عمل الوزارة...
الوضع صعب جدا..ولا رواتب للموظفين, ومكاتب الوزارة احترقت. ..والمستشفيات نهبت, لكن قوات التحالف تحاول إعادة ضبط الأوضاع من جديد....نحن نحملهم مسؤولية ما حدث من كوارث...ثمة تقصير منهم وسوء تدبير. أو ربما تعمدوا حصول كل هذه الكوارث...لا أدري , لكن الناس غاضبة ويقولون ماذا يفعل آلاف الجنود هنا؟؟
وكل شيء يتدهور نحو الأسوأ....
خليل أصابته جلطة دماغية وهو في الوزارة..نقلوه الى المستشفى..أختي حالتها النفسية تعبانة جدا...ذهبت لزيارتهم, لا يقدر أن يمشي أو يتكلم...حزنت عليه, عمره في بداية الأربعين, والضغوط عليه كثيرة...قالت زوجته أنه سيموت من الحزن مما جرى للوزارة وسنظل ايتاما انا وبناتي...تعاركت معه وقالت له اترك الوزارة فإما ستموت من التعب أو سيغتالك حاقد جاهل يظنك مستفيد وسعيد.
ربما سيسافر للعلاج خارج العراق .
ما زالت العصابات تسلب وتقتل وكل يوم قصص جديدة مؤلمة.
وما زال الكثير من العوائل عندهم مفقودين يبحثون عنهم...معظمهم فقدوا أثناء دخول قوات التحالف لبغداد...
وكانت الطرق مغلقة ولا أحد يعرف الأخبار ..ربما ماتوا أثناء الإشتباكات بين العراقيين وقوات التحالف.
الناس بصورة عامة منقسمين الى فئتين..
البعض يشجع الأمريكان ويتفاءل بوجودهم... والبعض لا يرى خيرا من وجودهم.
بدأت عمليات مقاومة والقاء قاذفات ضد الأمريكان...
نحن نقول الوقت ما زال مبكرا لنحكم عليهم...أعطوهم فرصة, وسنرى الحقيقة بمرور الوقت.
سنعرف إن كانوا صادقين أم كاذبين.
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الأحد 8/6
بدأت دورة الطباعة والكومبيوتر...
مزاجي لم يعد كما كان سابقا.
في الدورات السابقة كنت اكثر نشاطا وذكاء ومرحا...أما اليوم فاجد نفسي محبطة وغبية...ولا مزاج عندي لإستيعاب المعلومة.... لا أعرف , ربما الحرب تغير الناس نحو الأسوأ .
المدينة تمتليء بالصحف الجديدة...بعضها مريح وبعضها سخيف.
ماجد يعمل مع صحيفة المواجهة, وهي تنتقد قوات التحالف....
قوات التحالف أرسلت من يسأل المطبعة عن الصحيفة ومن يكتب فيها...أخاف أن يأخذوا ماجد الى السجن, قلت له يا حبيبي لا نريد مشاكل...ما صدقنا خلصنا من صدام, من قال أن أميركا ديمقراطية 100% ؟
ربما عندهم ديمقراطية هناك لشعبهم, لكن لا اظن سيعاملونا كما يعاملون شعبهم...انهم بالنسبة لنا قوات إحتلال.
ماجد يقول : أتمنى أن يعتقلوا أحدنا حتى نصطدم بهم ونفضحهم , أين الديمقراطية؟؟؟
يا إبني لماذا تحب المشاكل؟؟؟
وهو يضحك ويقول: ماما لا تصيري جبانة, خلينا نمشي بطريق جديد...
أجد الحق معه...ولكني أخاف عليه..لا أريد أن يؤذيه أحد.
ولا أريد أن أحرمه من ان يمتلك تجربته في الحياة...جيلنا انظلم...درسنا وتعلمنا وعملنا ونجحنا, نعم, لكننا حرمنا من فرصة المشاركة بصناعة حياة أفضل...ربما هذه فرصة جديدة لنتحرك ونصنع حياتنا من جديد ...
وأحب لماجد وجيله أن يمتلكوا حريتهم وينجحوا في صناعة مستقبل افضل لجيلهم...
تعجبني جرأتهم وحماستهم....أدعو الله أن يحفظهم ويوفقهم.
يخرجون كل يوم مع الكاميرات ويعملون تحقيقات مع الناس, وأحيانا يلتقون جنودا من قوات التحالف, لكن لا قدرة على التقارب لأن الجندي لا يملك صلاحية الحوار مع الناس....الجندي يطيع الأوامر فقط, ولا يناقش.
وهذه مشكلة...لا يمكن التواصل بينهم وبين الناس كبشر عاديين يأكلون ويشربون ويكونون صداقات, ثم نتأمل منهم أن يعودوا لأميركا ويقولوا لحكومتهم أخرجوا قواتكم من هناك....لا أظنهم قادرين على هذا العمل.
معظمهم جاءوا من عوائل فقيرة ومحتاجون للراتب المغري.
ما شانه بعذابات العراقيين؟؟؟
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الإثنين 9/6
جاء زبون للمحل, ومعه مواد تستعمل في منظومات المياه. وأعرف ان هذه المواد لم يستوردها أحد لأنها مفقودة من السوق قبل الحرب, وتمتلكها دوائر الدولة فقط.
جلب عينات وسألني هل أشتريها منه؟؟
سألته أولا : من أين لك هذه المواد؟؟؟
إعترف, قلت ضاحكة...
تريدين الحقيقة؟؟؟ قال بسذاجة
نعم, اخبرني بالحقيقة....قلت بصوتي العالي...كان عندي ثمة زبائن, ووجدت أن الحوار يستحق أن يسمعه الجميع.
قال انه سرقها من منشآت الدولة.
ولماذا ؟
قال لأن صدام حسين أعدم عمه الذي كان في الجيش...
وهل عادت الحياة الى عمك ؟؟ أم انه فرح ودخل الجنة؟؟؟
قال : ما يدريني؟؟
وهز كتفيه, لعد شسوي؟؟؟( ماذا أفعل إذن )
أغضبني غباءه العظيم, وجريمته القبيحة التي لحد الان هو لا يشعر بها...
انقلب ضحكي الى غضب, وقلت له: وماذا أقول لرب العالمين يوم القيامة؟؟؟
اشتريت منك موادا مسروقة؟؟؟
كأنني شاركتك في الإثم...
خرج من المحل يجر رجليه من الخيبة...ثم عاد متوسلا فقال بنفس الطريقة الغبية : زين نصيحة لأخوك المسلم.
هههاهاهااه
كنت أريد أن أنفجر من الضحك, لكن الموقف كارثي ولا يحتمل الضحك.
فصرخت به بغضب: وماذا أبقيت من الإسلام؟؟؟
وددت لو أقدر أن أقوم وأضربه على وجهه, لعله يستفيق من غفلته.
احترقت اعصابي....وبقيت طوال اليوم أتذكره وأتذكر الحوار معه, ويفور دمي من الغضب ...وأبربر عليه
وعلى غبائه وحماقته.
والزبائن والموظفين في المحل غرقوا في الضحك, وقالوا لا تهتمي له, انه حثالة..
كنت حزينة جدا لأن هذا النموذج جديد على شاشة حياتنا...
نموذج اللص الجاهل, عدو نفسه ووطنه, وهو لا يعلم .
**********************************
كأن ثمة شيطان مس حياتنا...مس الجميع , فأصابهم بالجنون.
موظفوا الدولة يتقاتلون مع بعضهم بين البعثيين وغير البعثيين, بين كبار الموظفين والصغار...
الناس في الشوارع بين مسالم خائف مرتعب, وشرس لا يمتنع عن إرتكاب أي جريمة, من سيوقفه عند حده؟؟؟
لا شرطة ولا جيش ولا دولة...
فقط قوات تحالف تجول في الشوارع بالدبابات كانها تستعرض نفسها غير مصدقة أنها صارت هنا....وهي تعيش في عالم لا علاقة له بعالمنا.....
وكلنا نتساءل: لماذا جاؤوا , وماذا يفعلون؟؟؟
لا أحد يعرف الجواب...ربما مع الأيام سنعرف الأجوبة.
*****************************
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Saturday, 12th. April, 2003
The chaos is still going on, fires raging, bank robberies, the robbery of the Iraqi Museum, and the Antiquities…
People are calling for help through the satellite channels…
Who would help us??? It is as if the whole world has abandoned us…
Gun fire noises in the streets… we do not know whether these are thieves, or resistance fighters…
****
At noon time, some Iraqi policemen appeared on T.V., volunteering to control the security in the cities…
Baghdad is sad, and gloomy…I am thinking about my brothers and sisters, where are they? What has become of them?
I wish they would return safely to their houses… that GOD would save them from all harm…
*********
Sunday, 13th. April, 2003
Abu-salih, the Gardener came, they are still alive…
Today, there are some news about a meeting at 9 a.m., between the occupation forces, and some high- ranking former Iraqi policemen, to organize patrolling the people's and the city's security.
We are all waiting for the outcome of this meeting, feeling optimistic about the return of peace to the country…
Helicopter planes are hovering at a low altitude since last evening, perhaps looking for the resistance men.
*****
Monday, 14th . April, 2003
The husband of my neighbor's friend has been missing for 10 days now, he and his car. He didn't come home. Yesterday, they discovered his body on the high-way to Karrada, with a bullet in his head, inside his bullet-torn car. Killed by the coalition forces.
Many volunteers evacuated the bodies from the streets, and notified their kin.
My neighbor will visit her daughter and her husband, who were wounded at their house by coalition forces bombardment of their neighborhood, because there was a nearby house which belonged to a friend of Uday's.
What is all this mis-hap?? What have these civilians done?
The coalition bombs a house where they think Uday is hiding, and many are wounded… the neighbor's son died…he was only 21 years old… the house fell on him.
What harm the poor fellow has committed? What is the fault of his parents?
These days we have seen many varieties of torment…
First- the terrifying air raids day and night.
Second- occupying the residential areas, blowing tanks and ammunitions belonging to the Iraqi army. So, houses would demolish, and civilians would die…
Third- the mob roaming around, the robberies and despoiling, the fires…
All of us are in doubt that these are Iraqis…
The poor Iraqis stole furniture, refrigerators, and coolers …. It's possible… but they wouldn't burn the Ministries, nor rob the National Museum… these are the acts of organized gangs, who came from abroad…awaiting the chance to strike…
People are saying that many mercenaries entered the country with the Americans… mercenaries from many nationalities.
Baghdad is sad, devastated, burned…
I wish peace would come back to Baghdad, the homeland of peace…
May god have peace and cool upon Iraq and the Iraqis…
They say police patrols are about to move about the cities…
When would safety come back?
When would electricity come back?
When would life come back???
*************
Tuesday, 15th. , April, 2003
Azzam and Raid went to my brothers and sister's houses, I feel relieved now…thank God they are all well.
Distances are far, there are no telephones, and no connections between places…
I went with my neighbor to her friend's house to give my condolences for her husband's death. She had three girls and a boy, the girl's are young, the eldest of them is only twenty years old…the boy is in primary school…
A photograph of her husband's hung in the reception room; he was in his mid-forties… with white hair. He was a merchant.
Her voice was sad…her face pale, she told many stories of his warm feelings and affection to his children, and how much he loved to help people…
My heart twisted in pain for her and her children, who became orphans…
The women in the room told many stories about families who died in their cars by random bullets, fired by the coalition forces…
My grief increased…for people, Baghdad…and for Iraq…
There is a meeting in Nassiriya today, between the coalition forces and the opposition party leaders….and there were demonstrations against that meeting.
*********
Wednesday, 16th. , April, 2003
I woke up very tired, as if my body was smashed…and so were my feelings.
Yesterday, when I went to the funeral parlor, all the scenes were very depressing and frustrated…women wearing black, weeping over a man killed by a stray bullet, talks about neighbors who died last night, and about bombardments of houses and residential buildings, and innocent people killed…
At night I couldn't sleep…the noises of continuous explosions frightened me, so I ran to another room, far away from the street…
In the morning, Abu-salih, the Gardener said that the occupation forces were blowing up Iraqi tanks in the Rathwania area.
*******
I feel that this war has devastated my personality, and shaken me…that my whole nervous system has become like fragile threads, from a lot of panic…day and night…I feel very weak, and exhausted, from my grieve for people and what has befallen them. For Iraq, for Baghdad…my darling beloved, and what happened to her…plunder, fire, and destruction…
And I tell myself: It all happened by the will of GOD, there is no god but GOD, no strength or possibility unless by the power of GOD…
And I remembered the Al-Kahaaf verse, from the Holy Quran, and the dialogue of Moses (God bless him) and Al-Kuther…
And Al-Kuther said to Moses: How could you be patient about something you know nothing of?
It is a great disaccord that has befallen us…and everyone makes a suggestion, and a speech…but no one comprehends the truth but GOD Almighty.
********
Thursday, 17th., April, 2003
I went to Al-Amiriiya and Al-Mansoor…I felt very sad about the shops whose windows were all broken, the houses and multi-story buildings, especially near Al-Sa'aa restaurant. Our shop was safe, and the shops near it were unharmed. This was the first time I saw it after the war. It was completely empty…when will we go back to work???
I don't know…nothing is clear yet…
*******
Friday, 18th., April, 2003
This was a great day…masses of worshipers gathered in the mosques…Sunni and Shiaat.
Dr. Ahmed Al-Kubaisi, the head of the sermon spoke, in a nice speech, asking the people to unite themselves and join ranks.
He said: do not give the occupation the chance to disband you… Sunni, Shiaat, an Arab, a Kurd, or Baa’thi.
After the prayer there was a protestation demonstration, in which the people said: Get out of our country before we kick you out.
We all felt happy that day… we felt we are still one nation, one hand…in agreement as to the unity of Iraq, and the necessity of the occupation departure. We asked GOD to safe keep Iraq and the Iraqis, and let this country be peaceful and comfortable…
*****
Raid will start working with a non-governmental organization, to make a count of the numbers of wounded and dead Iraqi civilians in all the provinces of Iraq. Majid started to work as a translator with non-governmental organizations… there are no schools, no universities…the young men have a lot of spare time on their hands, and anxiety, and a will to participate in something useful.
******
Saturday, 19th., April, 2003
An ordinary, boring day…and many tiring household chores…
I wish I could work with a humanitarian organization…but the shop will be reopened, and I will be back in my job in about a week, or more, so I could not engage my self with another job…
Khalid went to his collage, where they cleaned up their department and organized the library. Many things were robbed and scattered…but they didn’t set up a date to resume studying yet….
*******
I went to visit my sister…this was the first time I took out my car. Then I went shopping in Al-Amiriiya, bought some vegetables and fruits…the prices doubled three times from where they were.
Raid is working with the ( CIVIC ) organization, Majid with (Voices in the Wilderness). Khalid is still looking for a job…
I wish these days would pass very quickly, and our lives would settle-down, and go back to security.
*******
Sunday, 20th., April, 2003
An ordinary, boring day…Nothing new…
*****
Monday, 21st., April, 2003
Azzam and Khalid went to the glass shop near by the house; the man came and took measures of our broken windows, and by evening the new glass was in place…
I felt very happy, for the house will remain relatively clean, despite the dust and storms. Without glass, all the annoying noises will reach us very clearly, along with dust and hot air.
Of course I will remain afraid from fresh explosions, and the repeated breakage of glass, but I ask God it won’t happen again…
The neighbors also started a campaign of window repair…All prices rose up, of course, by the rise in demand, along with shortage of supply…due to absence of importation or local production.
*******
Tuesday, 23rd., April, 2003
Electricity came yesterday, and then went off. Perhaps it will take a long time to be fixed, and settle to function. The house needs extensive cleaning, carpet, curtains, and mattress wash…I need some help.
I went to buy household necessities…the sight of Baghdad is very depressing; it hurt me and broke my heart…
********
Wednesday, 24th., April, 2003
The sons of Abu-salih, the Gardener came to help me clean the house…we used water from the well, because the main water supply is very weak. We washed the carpets, curtains, and mattress.
I went to my neighbor’s in the afternoon, for tea. We sat in the garden, then went inside after we heard gun shots from an unknown source…
******
A tear for Baghdad…
I wished I could see a painter, and ask him to paint a painting with this topic…
He would paint the destroyed communication centers, the burned-up ministries, the blundered museum, the devastated National Library, which used to be filled with rare, unique scrolls. The universities that were robed of all documents and furniture…the streets of Baghdad, dirty, filled with garbage, and burned-up cars…
Yes…a tear for Baghdad…falls on my cheek…and the cheeks of all those who loved Baghdad.
*******
Translated by May.
The chaos is still going on, fires raging, bank robberies, the robbery of the Iraqi Museum, and the Antiquities…
People are calling for help through the satellite channels…
Who would help us??? It is as if the whole world has abandoned us…
Gun fire noises in the streets… we do not know whether these are thieves, or resistance fighters…
****
At noon time, some Iraqi policemen appeared on T.V., volunteering to control the security in the cities…
Baghdad is sad, and gloomy…I am thinking about my brothers and sisters, where are they? What has become of them?
I wish they would return safely to their houses… that GOD would save them from all harm…
*********
Sunday, 13th. April, 2003
Abu-salih, the Gardener came, they are still alive…
Today, there are some news about a meeting at 9 a.m., between the occupation forces, and some high- ranking former Iraqi policemen, to organize patrolling the people's and the city's security.
We are all waiting for the outcome of this meeting, feeling optimistic about the return of peace to the country…
Helicopter planes are hovering at a low altitude since last evening, perhaps looking for the resistance men.
*****
Monday, 14th . April, 2003
The husband of my neighbor's friend has been missing for 10 days now, he and his car. He didn't come home. Yesterday, they discovered his body on the high-way to Karrada, with a bullet in his head, inside his bullet-torn car. Killed by the coalition forces.
Many volunteers evacuated the bodies from the streets, and notified their kin.
My neighbor will visit her daughter and her husband, who were wounded at their house by coalition forces bombardment of their neighborhood, because there was a nearby house which belonged to a friend of Uday's.
What is all this mis-hap?? What have these civilians done?
The coalition bombs a house where they think Uday is hiding, and many are wounded… the neighbor's son died…he was only 21 years old… the house fell on him.
What harm the poor fellow has committed? What is the fault of his parents?
These days we have seen many varieties of torment…
First- the terrifying air raids day and night.
Second- occupying the residential areas, blowing tanks and ammunitions belonging to the Iraqi army. So, houses would demolish, and civilians would die…
Third- the mob roaming around, the robberies and despoiling, the fires…
All of us are in doubt that these are Iraqis…
The poor Iraqis stole furniture, refrigerators, and coolers …. It's possible… but they wouldn't burn the Ministries, nor rob the National Museum… these are the acts of organized gangs, who came from abroad…awaiting the chance to strike…
People are saying that many mercenaries entered the country with the Americans… mercenaries from many nationalities.
Baghdad is sad, devastated, burned…
I wish peace would come back to Baghdad, the homeland of peace…
May god have peace and cool upon Iraq and the Iraqis…
They say police patrols are about to move about the cities…
When would safety come back?
When would electricity come back?
When would life come back???
*************
Tuesday, 15th. , April, 2003
Azzam and Raid went to my brothers and sister's houses, I feel relieved now…thank God they are all well.
Distances are far, there are no telephones, and no connections between places…
I went with my neighbor to her friend's house to give my condolences for her husband's death. She had three girls and a boy, the girl's are young, the eldest of them is only twenty years old…the boy is in primary school…
A photograph of her husband's hung in the reception room; he was in his mid-forties… with white hair. He was a merchant.
Her voice was sad…her face pale, she told many stories of his warm feelings and affection to his children, and how much he loved to help people…
My heart twisted in pain for her and her children, who became orphans…
The women in the room told many stories about families who died in their cars by random bullets, fired by the coalition forces…
My grief increased…for people, Baghdad…and for Iraq…
There is a meeting in Nassiriya today, between the coalition forces and the opposition party leaders….and there were demonstrations against that meeting.
*********
Wednesday, 16th. , April, 2003
I woke up very tired, as if my body was smashed…and so were my feelings.
Yesterday, when I went to the funeral parlor, all the scenes were very depressing and frustrated…women wearing black, weeping over a man killed by a stray bullet, talks about neighbors who died last night, and about bombardments of houses and residential buildings, and innocent people killed…
At night I couldn't sleep…the noises of continuous explosions frightened me, so I ran to another room, far away from the street…
In the morning, Abu-salih, the Gardener said that the occupation forces were blowing up Iraqi tanks in the Rathwania area.
*******
I feel that this war has devastated my personality, and shaken me…that my whole nervous system has become like fragile threads, from a lot of panic…day and night…I feel very weak, and exhausted, from my grieve for people and what has befallen them. For Iraq, for Baghdad…my darling beloved, and what happened to her…plunder, fire, and destruction…
And I tell myself: It all happened by the will of GOD, there is no god but GOD, no strength or possibility unless by the power of GOD…
And I remembered the Al-Kahaaf verse, from the Holy Quran, and the dialogue of Moses (God bless him) and Al-Kuther…
And Al-Kuther said to Moses: How could you be patient about something you know nothing of?
It is a great disaccord that has befallen us…and everyone makes a suggestion, and a speech…but no one comprehends the truth but GOD Almighty.
********
Thursday, 17th., April, 2003
I went to Al-Amiriiya and Al-Mansoor…I felt very sad about the shops whose windows were all broken, the houses and multi-story buildings, especially near Al-Sa'aa restaurant. Our shop was safe, and the shops near it were unharmed. This was the first time I saw it after the war. It was completely empty…when will we go back to work???
I don't know…nothing is clear yet…
*******
Friday, 18th., April, 2003
This was a great day…masses of worshipers gathered in the mosques…Sunni and Shiaat.
Dr. Ahmed Al-Kubaisi, the head of the sermon spoke, in a nice speech, asking the people to unite themselves and join ranks.
He said: do not give the occupation the chance to disband you… Sunni, Shiaat, an Arab, a Kurd, or Baa’thi.
After the prayer there was a protestation demonstration, in which the people said: Get out of our country before we kick you out.
We all felt happy that day… we felt we are still one nation, one hand…in agreement as to the unity of Iraq, and the necessity of the occupation departure. We asked GOD to safe keep Iraq and the Iraqis, and let this country be peaceful and comfortable…
*****
Raid will start working with a non-governmental organization, to make a count of the numbers of wounded and dead Iraqi civilians in all the provinces of Iraq. Majid started to work as a translator with non-governmental organizations… there are no schools, no universities…the young men have a lot of spare time on their hands, and anxiety, and a will to participate in something useful.
******
Saturday, 19th., April, 2003
An ordinary, boring day…and many tiring household chores…
I wish I could work with a humanitarian organization…but the shop will be reopened, and I will be back in my job in about a week, or more, so I could not engage my self with another job…
Khalid went to his collage, where they cleaned up their department and organized the library. Many things were robbed and scattered…but they didn’t set up a date to resume studying yet….
*******
I went to visit my sister…this was the first time I took out my car. Then I went shopping in Al-Amiriiya, bought some vegetables and fruits…the prices doubled three times from where they were.
Raid is working with the ( CIVIC ) organization, Majid with (Voices in the Wilderness). Khalid is still looking for a job…
I wish these days would pass very quickly, and our lives would settle-down, and go back to security.
*******
Sunday, 20th., April, 2003
An ordinary, boring day…Nothing new…
*****
Monday, 21st., April, 2003
Azzam and Khalid went to the glass shop near by the house; the man came and took measures of our broken windows, and by evening the new glass was in place…
I felt very happy, for the house will remain relatively clean, despite the dust and storms. Without glass, all the annoying noises will reach us very clearly, along with dust and hot air.
Of course I will remain afraid from fresh explosions, and the repeated breakage of glass, but I ask God it won’t happen again…
The neighbors also started a campaign of window repair…All prices rose up, of course, by the rise in demand, along with shortage of supply…due to absence of importation or local production.
*******
Tuesday, 23rd., April, 2003
Electricity came yesterday, and then went off. Perhaps it will take a long time to be fixed, and settle to function. The house needs extensive cleaning, carpet, curtains, and mattress wash…I need some help.
I went to buy household necessities…the sight of Baghdad is very depressing; it hurt me and broke my heart…
********
Wednesday, 24th., April, 2003
The sons of Abu-salih, the Gardener came to help me clean the house…we used water from the well, because the main water supply is very weak. We washed the carpets, curtains, and mattress.
I went to my neighbor’s in the afternoon, for tea. We sat in the garden, then went inside after we heard gun shots from an unknown source…
******
A tear for Baghdad…
I wished I could see a painter, and ask him to paint a painting with this topic…
He would paint the destroyed communication centers, the burned-up ministries, the blundered museum, the devastated National Library, which used to be filled with rare, unique scrolls. The universities that were robed of all documents and furniture…the streets of Baghdad, dirty, filled with garbage, and burned-up cars…
Yes…a tear for Baghdad…falls on my cheek…and the cheeks of all those who loved Baghdad.
*******
Translated by May.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
السبت 12/4/003
حالة الفوضى مستمرة , والحرائق وسرقات البنوك وسرقة المتحف العراقي والآثار...
الناس يصرخون ويطلبون المساعدة من على شاشات الفضائيات ...
من سيساعدنا ؟
كأن العالم كله تخلى عنا....
صوت اطلاقات نار في الشوارع..لا ندري هل هم لصوص أم مقاومين للإحتلال..
****
ظهر على شاشة التلفزيون في وقت الظهر رجال شرطة عراقيون يتطوعون لضبط الأمن في المدن...
بغداد حزينة وكئيبة...
وأنا أفكر بأخوتي واخواتي , أين هم ؟
وماذا حل بهم ؟
اتمنى أن يعودوا لبيوتهم بأمان..وأن يحفظهم الله جميعا من كل سوء...
*********
الأحد 13/4/003
جاء الفلاح ابو صالح..ما زالوا على قيد الحياة.
اليوم توجد أخبار عن اجتماع في التاسعة صباحا بين قوات الإحتلال وقادة سابقين من الشرطة العراقية لترتيب حماية الناس والمدن...
كلنا ينتظر نتائج الإجتماع ويتفاءل بعودة الأمان للبلاد...
الهليكوبتر تحوم منذ مساء أمس على ارتفاعات منخفضة..ربما يبحثون عن رجال المقاومة.
*****
الإثنين 14/4/003
جارتي تقول ان صديقتها فقد زوجها منذ عشرة أيام , هو وسيارته , لم يعد للبيت.
أمس اكتشفوا انه ميت على الطريق السريع للكرادة, وبرأسه طلقة وهو داخل السيارة التي مزقها رصاص قوات التحالف...
متطوعون قاموا بإخلاء الجثث من الشوارع وتبليغ أهاليهم...
جارتي ستذهب لزيارة ابنتها وزوجها حيث جرحوا في بيتهم من قصف قوات التحالف لمنطقتهم, ثمة بيت مجاور لهم لصديق عدي...
ما هذه المصائب؟
ما ذنب الناس المدنيين؟
التحالف يقصفون بيتا يظنون أن فيه عدي..
وجرح الكثيرون, ومات ابن الجيران هناك عمره واحد وعشرون سنة, تهدم البيت عليه.
ما ذنبه هذا المسكين؟ وما ذنب اهله؟
هذه الأيام رأينا مراحل متعددة للعذاب..
أولا القصف الجوي المرعب ليلا ونهارا..
ثانيا احتلال المناطق السكنية ونسف الدبابات والذخائر التابعة للجيش العراقي , فتتهدم البيوت ويموت المدنيون
ثالثا الغوغاء والسرقات والنهب والحرائق ...
كلنا نشك أن يكون الفاعلين من العراقيين...
العراقيون الفقراء سرقوا الأثاث والثلاجات والمبردات...ممكن.
لكنهم لا يحرقون الوزارات ولا يسرقون محتويات المتحف الوطني ...هذه أفعال عصابات منظمة جاءت من الخارج...وتنتظر الفرصة للإنقضاض...
الناس تقول دخل مع الأمريكان مرتزقة من جنسيات شتى
بغداد حزينة محطمة محترقة...
اتمنى ان يعود السلام الى بغداد...دار السلام.اللهم بردا وسلاما على العراق والعراقيين...
يقولون ان دوريات شرطة ستتحرك في المدن....
متى يعود الأمان؟
متى تعود الكهرباء؟
متى تعود الحياة؟
*************
الثلاثاء 15/4/003
عزام ورائد مروا على بيوت أخواتي واخوتي...وأطمأنيت عليهم..الحمد لله كلهم بخير..
المسافات بعيدة , والهواتف مقطوعة, لا اتصال بين المناطق.
ذهبت مع جارتي الى بيت صديقتها لتقديم التعازي بوفاة زوجها...
عندها ثلاث بنات وولد...
بناتها شابات صغيرات الكبيرة في العشرين من عمرها...والولد في المدرسة الإبتدائية...
صورة زوجها معلقة في الصالون..عمره في نهاية الأربعين..شعره ابيض, كان يعمل في التجارة.
صوتها حزين ووجهها شاحب...وتحكي قصصا طويلة عن حنانه لها وللأولاد. وحبه لمساعدة الناس
..انعصر قلبي حزنا عليها وعلى أولادها الذين اصبحوا ايتاما...
النساء في الغرفة يتحدثن عن قصص شتى عن عوائل ماتت بسياراتها من اطلاق نار عشوائي من قوات التحالف...
زاد حزني...على الناس وعلى بغداد..وعلى العراق.
يوجد اجتماع في الناصرية اليوم بين قوات التحالف وقادة أحزاب المعارضة ...مظاهرات من العراقيين ضد الإجتماع.
*********
الأربعاء16/4/003
صحوت متعبة كأن جسمي محطم...وكذلك نفسيتي.
بالأمس حين ذهبت للفاتحة, كانت الطلعة كلها كئيبة ومحبطة.نساء يتشحن بالسواد, وبكاء على ميت بطلقة طائشة,وأحاديث عن الجيران الذين ماتوا صباح أمس...وعن قصف بيوت وعمارات وموتى أبرياء...
في الليل لم أتمكن من النوم...أصوات انفجارات مستمرة أرعبتني فهربت الى غرفة أخرى بعيدة عن الشارع...
في الصباح قال أبو صالح الفلاح, ان قوات الإحتلال كانت تفجر دبابات عراقية في منطقة الرضوانية.
*******
أحس أن هذه الحرب حطمتني نفسيا وهزتني..وجهازي العصبي أصبح كانه خيوط هشة من كثرة الرعب
ليل نهار...
وأحس بضعف شديد وارهاق, من حزني على الناس وما أصابهم, وعلى العراق, وبغداد حبيبتي, وما أصابها من نهب وحرائق ودمار....
وأقول لنفسي : كل شيء حدث بإرادة الله, لا اله الا الله, ولا حول ولا قوة الا بالله...
وتذكرت سورة الكهف, وحديث موسى عليه السلام مع الخضر...
وقال له الخضر: وكيف تصبر على ما لم تحط به خبرا؟
هذه فتنة عظيمة حلت بنا..وكل واحد يقول ويقترح...
ولا أحد يدرك الحقيقة سوى رب العالمين.
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الخميس 17/4/003
ذهبت الى العامرية والمنصور...
حزنت على المحلات التجارية المحطم زجاجها كله. والبيوت والعمارات ..وخصوصا التي جوار مطعم الساعة.
محلنا سليم ولم يصب بسوء وكل المحلات التي بجانبه...هذه أول مرة أراه بعد الحرب. وهو فارغ تماما...
متى سنعود للعمل؟
لا ادري, لا شيء واضح بعد....
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الجمعة 18/4/003
كان يوما عظيما...
حيث تجمعت حشود المصلين في الجوامع من سنة وشيعة...
وتكلم الشيخ الدكتور احمد الكبيسي, والقى خطبة جميلة طالب الناس فيها بالتوحد ورص الصفوف..
وقال لا تعطوا فرصة للإحتلال ليفرق بينكم...سني اوشيعي أو عربي أو كردي أو بعثي ...
وبعد الصلاة نظمت مسيرة احتجاج...قال فيها المتظاهرون: اخرجوا من بلادنا قبل أن نخرجكم منها...
فرحنا جميعا هذا اليوم...
أحسسنا اننا ما زلنا شعب واحد ويد واحدة...متفقين تماما على وحدة العراق, وضرورة خروج الإحتلال .دعونا الله ان يحفظ العراق والعراقيين, ويجعل هذا البلد آمنا مطمئنا....
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رائد سيبدأ العمل مع منظمة غير حكومية لإحصاء الجرحى والقتلى العراقيين المدنيين في كل محافظات العراق .
ماجد بدأ يعمل مترجما مع منظمات غير حكومية...
لا مدارس لا جامعات...والشباب عندهم فراغ كبير..وقلق..ورغبة في المشاركة بعمل مفيد .
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السبت 19/4/003
يوم عادي ممل...وأعمال منزلية كثيرة ومتعبة...
اتمنى أن أخرج للعمل مع منظمة انسانية...لكن المحل سيفتح وسأعود لعملي بعد اسبوع أو أكثر...
ولا أقدر أن ارتبط بعمل آخر...
خالد ذهب للكلية حيث نظفوا القسم ورتبوا المكتبة, أشياء كثيرة نهبت وتبعثرت.
لم يحددوا وقتا لبداية الدوام الدراسي بعد...
*******
ذهبت لزيارة أختي..هذه أول مرة أخرج بسيارتي.
ثم مررت على العامرية واشتريت خضار وفواكه...الأسعار تضاعفت ثلاث مرات عما كانت عليه.
رائد يعمل مع منظمة سفك, وماجد مع منظمة أصوات في البرية.
خالد يبحث عن عمل...
يعودون متأخرين وأظل قلقة عليهم...
اتمنى أن تمر الأيام بسرعة...ويعود لحياتنا الأمان والإستقرار....
*******
الاثنين 20/4/003
يوم عادي ممل...
لا جديد..
*****
الثلاثاء 21/4/003
ذهب عزام وخالد الى محل الزجاج القريب من بيتنا...
جاء الرجل وأخذ قياسات الشبابيك المكسورة...
في المساء تم تركيب زجاج النوافذ للبيت..
فرحت كثيرا...سيظل البيت نظيفا نسبيا, رغم الغبار والعواصف .
بدون زجاج , تصل الأصوات المزعجة بوضوح شديد...والغبار والهواء الحار.
رغم انني سأظل أخاف من الإنفجارات وتكسر النواقذ ثانية...لكني ادعو الله ان لا يحدث هذا ثانية...
الجيران ايضا بدأوا حملة اعادة الزجاج لنوافذ البيوت...
الأسعار ارتفعت طبعا...الطلب كثير...ولا استيراد أو تصنيع محلي .
*******
الأربعاء23/4/003
جاءت الكهرباء مساء امس...ثم انقطعت.
ربما ستحتاج الى وقت طويل حتى تتصلح وتستقر.
البيت يحتاج الى تنظيف شديد وغسيل للستائر والسجاد والبطانيات...
محتاجة لمن يساعدني..
خرجت لشراء أغراض للبيت ...منظر بغداد محزن ويؤلمني ويحطم قلبي...
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الخميس 24/4/003
جاء أولاد الفلاح ابو صالح لمساعدتي في تنظيف البيت...
استعملنا ماء البئر...لأن ماء الحنفية ضعيف.
غسلنا السجاد والستائر والبطانيات .
ذهبت عند الجيران وقت العصر لأشرب الشاي..
جلسنا في الحديقة ثم دخلنا بعد سماع اطلاق نار...لا نعرف المصدر..
******
دمعة على بغداد....
تمنيت أن أرى رساما وأطلب منه رسم لوحة هذا عنوانها...
ويرسم فيها البدالات المحطمة من القصف, والوزارات المحترقة, ومتحف بغداد المنهوب, والمكتبة الوطنية المحترقة, وكان فيها مخطوطات نادرة ثمينة...والجامعات التي نهب أثاثها ووثائقها...
وشوارع بغداد القذرة الممتلئة بالنفايات وحطام السيارات المحترقة...
نعم , دمعة على بغداد....تسيل على خدي..وعلى خد كل من أحب بغداد.
*******
حالة الفوضى مستمرة , والحرائق وسرقات البنوك وسرقة المتحف العراقي والآثار...
الناس يصرخون ويطلبون المساعدة من على شاشات الفضائيات ...
من سيساعدنا ؟
كأن العالم كله تخلى عنا....
صوت اطلاقات نار في الشوارع..لا ندري هل هم لصوص أم مقاومين للإحتلال..
****
ظهر على شاشة التلفزيون في وقت الظهر رجال شرطة عراقيون يتطوعون لضبط الأمن في المدن...
بغداد حزينة وكئيبة...
وأنا أفكر بأخوتي واخواتي , أين هم ؟
وماذا حل بهم ؟
اتمنى أن يعودوا لبيوتهم بأمان..وأن يحفظهم الله جميعا من كل سوء...
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الأحد 13/4/003
جاء الفلاح ابو صالح..ما زالوا على قيد الحياة.
اليوم توجد أخبار عن اجتماع في التاسعة صباحا بين قوات الإحتلال وقادة سابقين من الشرطة العراقية لترتيب حماية الناس والمدن...
كلنا ينتظر نتائج الإجتماع ويتفاءل بعودة الأمان للبلاد...
الهليكوبتر تحوم منذ مساء أمس على ارتفاعات منخفضة..ربما يبحثون عن رجال المقاومة.
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الإثنين 14/4/003
جارتي تقول ان صديقتها فقد زوجها منذ عشرة أيام , هو وسيارته , لم يعد للبيت.
أمس اكتشفوا انه ميت على الطريق السريع للكرادة, وبرأسه طلقة وهو داخل السيارة التي مزقها رصاص قوات التحالف...
متطوعون قاموا بإخلاء الجثث من الشوارع وتبليغ أهاليهم...
جارتي ستذهب لزيارة ابنتها وزوجها حيث جرحوا في بيتهم من قصف قوات التحالف لمنطقتهم, ثمة بيت مجاور لهم لصديق عدي...
ما هذه المصائب؟
ما ذنب الناس المدنيين؟
التحالف يقصفون بيتا يظنون أن فيه عدي..
وجرح الكثيرون, ومات ابن الجيران هناك عمره واحد وعشرون سنة, تهدم البيت عليه.
ما ذنبه هذا المسكين؟ وما ذنب اهله؟
هذه الأيام رأينا مراحل متعددة للعذاب..
أولا القصف الجوي المرعب ليلا ونهارا..
ثانيا احتلال المناطق السكنية ونسف الدبابات والذخائر التابعة للجيش العراقي , فتتهدم البيوت ويموت المدنيون
ثالثا الغوغاء والسرقات والنهب والحرائق ...
كلنا نشك أن يكون الفاعلين من العراقيين...
العراقيون الفقراء سرقوا الأثاث والثلاجات والمبردات...ممكن.
لكنهم لا يحرقون الوزارات ولا يسرقون محتويات المتحف الوطني ...هذه أفعال عصابات منظمة جاءت من الخارج...وتنتظر الفرصة للإنقضاض...
الناس تقول دخل مع الأمريكان مرتزقة من جنسيات شتى
بغداد حزينة محطمة محترقة...
اتمنى ان يعود السلام الى بغداد...دار السلام.اللهم بردا وسلاما على العراق والعراقيين...
يقولون ان دوريات شرطة ستتحرك في المدن....
متى يعود الأمان؟
متى تعود الكهرباء؟
متى تعود الحياة؟
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الثلاثاء 15/4/003
عزام ورائد مروا على بيوت أخواتي واخوتي...وأطمأنيت عليهم..الحمد لله كلهم بخير..
المسافات بعيدة , والهواتف مقطوعة, لا اتصال بين المناطق.
ذهبت مع جارتي الى بيت صديقتها لتقديم التعازي بوفاة زوجها...
عندها ثلاث بنات وولد...
بناتها شابات صغيرات الكبيرة في العشرين من عمرها...والولد في المدرسة الإبتدائية...
صورة زوجها معلقة في الصالون..عمره في نهاية الأربعين..شعره ابيض, كان يعمل في التجارة.
صوتها حزين ووجهها شاحب...وتحكي قصصا طويلة عن حنانه لها وللأولاد. وحبه لمساعدة الناس
..انعصر قلبي حزنا عليها وعلى أولادها الذين اصبحوا ايتاما...
النساء في الغرفة يتحدثن عن قصص شتى عن عوائل ماتت بسياراتها من اطلاق نار عشوائي من قوات التحالف...
زاد حزني...على الناس وعلى بغداد..وعلى العراق.
يوجد اجتماع في الناصرية اليوم بين قوات التحالف وقادة أحزاب المعارضة ...مظاهرات من العراقيين ضد الإجتماع.
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الأربعاء16/4/003
صحوت متعبة كأن جسمي محطم...وكذلك نفسيتي.
بالأمس حين ذهبت للفاتحة, كانت الطلعة كلها كئيبة ومحبطة.نساء يتشحن بالسواد, وبكاء على ميت بطلقة طائشة,وأحاديث عن الجيران الذين ماتوا صباح أمس...وعن قصف بيوت وعمارات وموتى أبرياء...
في الليل لم أتمكن من النوم...أصوات انفجارات مستمرة أرعبتني فهربت الى غرفة أخرى بعيدة عن الشارع...
في الصباح قال أبو صالح الفلاح, ان قوات الإحتلال كانت تفجر دبابات عراقية في منطقة الرضوانية.
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أحس أن هذه الحرب حطمتني نفسيا وهزتني..وجهازي العصبي أصبح كانه خيوط هشة من كثرة الرعب
ليل نهار...
وأحس بضعف شديد وارهاق, من حزني على الناس وما أصابهم, وعلى العراق, وبغداد حبيبتي, وما أصابها من نهب وحرائق ودمار....
وأقول لنفسي : كل شيء حدث بإرادة الله, لا اله الا الله, ولا حول ولا قوة الا بالله...
وتذكرت سورة الكهف, وحديث موسى عليه السلام مع الخضر...
وقال له الخضر: وكيف تصبر على ما لم تحط به خبرا؟
هذه فتنة عظيمة حلت بنا..وكل واحد يقول ويقترح...
ولا أحد يدرك الحقيقة سوى رب العالمين.
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الخميس 17/4/003
ذهبت الى العامرية والمنصور...
حزنت على المحلات التجارية المحطم زجاجها كله. والبيوت والعمارات ..وخصوصا التي جوار مطعم الساعة.
محلنا سليم ولم يصب بسوء وكل المحلات التي بجانبه...هذه أول مرة أراه بعد الحرب. وهو فارغ تماما...
متى سنعود للعمل؟
لا ادري, لا شيء واضح بعد....
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الجمعة 18/4/003
كان يوما عظيما...
حيث تجمعت حشود المصلين في الجوامع من سنة وشيعة...
وتكلم الشيخ الدكتور احمد الكبيسي, والقى خطبة جميلة طالب الناس فيها بالتوحد ورص الصفوف..
وقال لا تعطوا فرصة للإحتلال ليفرق بينكم...سني اوشيعي أو عربي أو كردي أو بعثي ...
وبعد الصلاة نظمت مسيرة احتجاج...قال فيها المتظاهرون: اخرجوا من بلادنا قبل أن نخرجكم منها...
فرحنا جميعا هذا اليوم...
أحسسنا اننا ما زلنا شعب واحد ويد واحدة...متفقين تماما على وحدة العراق, وضرورة خروج الإحتلال .دعونا الله ان يحفظ العراق والعراقيين, ويجعل هذا البلد آمنا مطمئنا....
*****
رائد سيبدأ العمل مع منظمة غير حكومية لإحصاء الجرحى والقتلى العراقيين المدنيين في كل محافظات العراق .
ماجد بدأ يعمل مترجما مع منظمات غير حكومية...
لا مدارس لا جامعات...والشباب عندهم فراغ كبير..وقلق..ورغبة في المشاركة بعمل مفيد .
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السبت 19/4/003
يوم عادي ممل...وأعمال منزلية كثيرة ومتعبة...
اتمنى أن أخرج للعمل مع منظمة انسانية...لكن المحل سيفتح وسأعود لعملي بعد اسبوع أو أكثر...
ولا أقدر أن ارتبط بعمل آخر...
خالد ذهب للكلية حيث نظفوا القسم ورتبوا المكتبة, أشياء كثيرة نهبت وتبعثرت.
لم يحددوا وقتا لبداية الدوام الدراسي بعد...
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ذهبت لزيارة أختي..هذه أول مرة أخرج بسيارتي.
ثم مررت على العامرية واشتريت خضار وفواكه...الأسعار تضاعفت ثلاث مرات عما كانت عليه.
رائد يعمل مع منظمة سفك, وماجد مع منظمة أصوات في البرية.
خالد يبحث عن عمل...
يعودون متأخرين وأظل قلقة عليهم...
اتمنى أن تمر الأيام بسرعة...ويعود لحياتنا الأمان والإستقرار....
*******
الاثنين 20/4/003
يوم عادي ممل...
لا جديد..
*****
الثلاثاء 21/4/003
ذهب عزام وخالد الى محل الزجاج القريب من بيتنا...
جاء الرجل وأخذ قياسات الشبابيك المكسورة...
في المساء تم تركيب زجاج النوافذ للبيت..
فرحت كثيرا...سيظل البيت نظيفا نسبيا, رغم الغبار والعواصف .
بدون زجاج , تصل الأصوات المزعجة بوضوح شديد...والغبار والهواء الحار.
رغم انني سأظل أخاف من الإنفجارات وتكسر النواقذ ثانية...لكني ادعو الله ان لا يحدث هذا ثانية...
الجيران ايضا بدأوا حملة اعادة الزجاج لنوافذ البيوت...
الأسعار ارتفعت طبعا...الطلب كثير...ولا استيراد أو تصنيع محلي .
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الأربعاء23/4/003
جاءت الكهرباء مساء امس...ثم انقطعت.
ربما ستحتاج الى وقت طويل حتى تتصلح وتستقر.
البيت يحتاج الى تنظيف شديد وغسيل للستائر والسجاد والبطانيات...
محتاجة لمن يساعدني..
خرجت لشراء أغراض للبيت ...منظر بغداد محزن ويؤلمني ويحطم قلبي...
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الخميس 24/4/003
جاء أولاد الفلاح ابو صالح لمساعدتي في تنظيف البيت...
استعملنا ماء البئر...لأن ماء الحنفية ضعيف.
غسلنا السجاد والستائر والبطانيات .
ذهبت عند الجيران وقت العصر لأشرب الشاي..
جلسنا في الحديقة ثم دخلنا بعد سماع اطلاق نار...لا نعرف المصدر..
******
دمعة على بغداد....
تمنيت أن أرى رساما وأطلب منه رسم لوحة هذا عنوانها...
ويرسم فيها البدالات المحطمة من القصف, والوزارات المحترقة, ومتحف بغداد المنهوب, والمكتبة الوطنية المحترقة, وكان فيها مخطوطات نادرة ثمينة...والجامعات التي نهب أثاثها ووثائقها...
وشوارع بغداد القذرة الممتلئة بالنفايات وحطام السيارات المحترقة...
نعم , دمعة على بغداد....تسيل على خدي..وعلى خد كل من أحب بغداد.
*******
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Thursday, 10th. April, 2003
We went back home…
The road is accessible from Dora to Al-Saidia…
The streets were crowded, a lot of the passengers in the cars held white flags, with which they waved from the windows, fearing they would be shot at by the coalition forces…
Many people are walking about, carrying a few pieces of luggage, going back home…
The main intersection at Al-Dora, where the coalition forces passed a few days ago, is filled with bullets.
The street river is crowded with hundreds of used bullets, and unused bullets, as if they speak of an armed dialog which took place here…
*********
All the way home there were storage bungalows, official warehouses, or Al-Ba'ath party headquarters.
At first, I didn't understand what was happening, Men, women, and children were carrying furniture, fans and coolers, air-conditioners and cookers… carpets and curtains…
Who are these people? What are they doing???
I remained astonished, but Azzam said: they are robbing state property.
I couldn't believe it!!!
It was as if there were some kinds of instructions, or perhaps a whistle, which rang on and gave them the green light…
A shameful, degrading sight…
I looked upon them …. As if they were scum, the same scum which used to run and shamelessly clap for Saddam: by soul and blood we die for you…
I felt severe pain in my heart, a deep wound inside my soul…. What is happening?
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We reached our house, and the neighbors' son came to us, and said: Do not be af raed, you will find all the windows broken and smashed…a missile fell down yesterday evening on the street, and smashed the windows of all the houses. Thank God no one died…
We entered the garage, walking towards the wooden main door, which was pulled out and thrown on the floor, as if someone pushed it and broke it…
Oh, God, I couldn't believe this…. All the metal parts of the door were pulled, scattered about, from the fierce explosion.
Thank God we were not here…
I would have died of fear…
We decided to start a cleansing campaign for the house…Majid and Khalid would gather and sweep the smashed glass…Azzam would fix the broken door.
Raed and I shall clean the house of the dust, and then wash the garage…
There wasn't a drop of water in the tanks, and no electricity in the house.
We turned on the generator, and then pulled water out of the well that has been dug behind the house…. Water…so we started to clean and wash the house….
The sight of our house was depressing….as if it has been abandoned for months…
There was dust all over the furniture, shards of broken glass filled the house, and even the pictures have fallen from the walls…
Artifacts fell from the shelves, on to the ground….
We started our campaign at 11a.m, and finished around 4p.m.
There was no food in the fridge, and we cleaned it of the fruits and vegetables that has perished while we were away. We fried some eggs for lunch.
Then, a warm bath for every one, clean clothes from the closet. The weather was starting to get warmer…
After cleaning, we put large sheets of nylon over the windows, until we could fix new glass for them.
But suddenly, there was a powerful explosion behind the house, new windows were broken, the nylon sheets flew away…. The pictures fell from the walls again….
And my heart fell from panic….
I kept shivering all evening, and night.
Suddenly, all feelings of safety disappeared.
Thursday \ evening…
I kept on reading verses from the holy Koran, so as to calm my self…. I cried, I don't know about whom…my self, or the people, or the cities?
Or for the way we all ended up?
A feeling of pain, defeat, and bitterness…
***********
The news says there is some fighting in Al- Mansoor and Al- Adhmiya, An opposition, Iraqis and Arabs…
And still the fear of what is to come…fear of tomorrow and what it might bring…
********
A Shia'at leader was assassinated in Najaf. I don't know him, but they say that America supports him.
Well,… to hell… I hate politics and politicians… I do not understand their language, or their interests…
********
All night long I hear the noises of tanks moving from the airport towards central Baghdad. And explosions in the dead of night… I don't know who is firing on whom????
My heart bleeds for Iraq….
I can not even sleep the night.
********
Friday, 11th , April, 2003
The garden is filling with flowers, in many colors… But my heart is sad, and cannot feel anything towards them.
Will this country ever be safe again? Shall we ever live peacefully?
These matters keep worrying me. I do not ever want to leave the country... I want to remain here...
I hope to God that all will be calm again; our lives would go back to normal.
Whenever we discussed the situation as a family, Azzam and I feel optimistic, but Raed says, in a sad voice as if slapping me:
Mother, but it is the occupation, how could every thing be all right?
As if he is saying: Mother, this is a dead man, how can you ask him to speak?
My heart sinks in sadness… yes, Raid is right. I lose my self in pain, and silence. ********
I kept listening to the holy Koran, remembering the verses that threaten the unjust, cruel, oppressors…
I thought of what happened to Saddam and those around him, how much they humiliated, oppressed, and hurt people…
Now their story is upon every tongue in the world. Their houses were bombed then robbed…. They are scattered in earth, no one knows where they are now. They disappeared, along with all who supported and befriended them, believed in them, and defended them...
These are the evidences that God shows to his serfs, so that they would think, and consider…
***********
Didn't they ever think that such a day would be upon them? Of course not, for the devil was their companion, promising them, tempting them…. And God listens, sees, and waits, for they might repent, or pray for forgiveness. But their hour came suddenly upon them… and what a shameful end it was… making the wise sad, and the enemy gloat…
You idiots, what have you done to your selves?
********
Friday \ Evening
Satellite channels are transmitting images of the thieves robbing Baghdad…burning ministries, and looting hospitals…
These are not a part of the people; these are enemies of the people…. They will destroy what the bombing has not destroyed in Iraq… destroy what is left…
Who would love his country, and then commit a thing like this??? These are scum… scum with no roots….
I remembered a sentence written by a novelist some time, that he has visited many cities, and found that thieves and prostitutes are the scum of every country… that he couldn't judge that country by these samples, because they are without a Patriotic feelings ,they do not belong anywhere…..
*********
My heart is sad for Baghdad… being blundered and robbed…
Baghdad of history and civilization…
As if the Mongols have entered again…
As if the waters of Tigris are black, because so many books were thrown in it. Books of science and knowledge.
********
In the morning I saw a sad story on TV.,…. The Americans blew an Iraqi ammunitions storage that used to belong to the Iraqi Army, in Utayfiiya. The residents gathered, trying to convince the Americans to move the ammunition far away, lest they should harm the people and the houses.
But the army dose not co-operate with the residents, blows- up the storage… destroying 20 houses, and burning a palm grove…
No civilians were hurt, because they had evacuated the houses, but came back to find them in ruins.
To whom would they complain??
The state had fallen; now there is an occupation… all rights are lost.
********
By the end of the night… and after calls for help by the Iraqis, through satellite channels, the news says that Bush will give instructions to the leaders of the occupation army to arrange meetings with Iraqi police leaders, the retired ones.
The priorities being:
- Restoring and controlling security.
- Restoring electricity and water supply.
- Restoring T.V. broadcasting.
- Restoring public transportations.
*********
In Mousel, Basra, and other Iraqi cities, popular comities were established, and chose leaders for them. They fought the thieves, and got back the stolen articles.
But Baghdad is very big…. Who would control the security in it? It is supposed to be divided into smaller sectors, and then the process of establishing the popular comities would start.
********
They burned some of the ministries: Planning, Irrigation, Commerce, Health, The Property Loan Bank, The Central Bank, and some of the hotels….
Who is to benefit from such ugly, harmful acts?
Iraq is filled with strangers and enemies….
But no honest Iraqi would commit such an act, Never…
********
We went back home…
The road is accessible from Dora to Al-Saidia…
The streets were crowded, a lot of the passengers in the cars held white flags, with which they waved from the windows, fearing they would be shot at by the coalition forces…
Many people are walking about, carrying a few pieces of luggage, going back home…
The main intersection at Al-Dora, where the coalition forces passed a few days ago, is filled with bullets.
The street river is crowded with hundreds of used bullets, and unused bullets, as if they speak of an armed dialog which took place here…
*********
All the way home there were storage bungalows, official warehouses, or Al-Ba'ath party headquarters.
At first, I didn't understand what was happening, Men, women, and children were carrying furniture, fans and coolers, air-conditioners and cookers… carpets and curtains…
Who are these people? What are they doing???
I remained astonished, but Azzam said: they are robbing state property.
I couldn't believe it!!!
It was as if there were some kinds of instructions, or perhaps a whistle, which rang on and gave them the green light…
A shameful, degrading sight…
I looked upon them …. As if they were scum, the same scum which used to run and shamelessly clap for Saddam: by soul and blood we die for you…
I felt severe pain in my heart, a deep wound inside my soul…. What is happening?
************
We reached our house, and the neighbors' son came to us, and said: Do not be af raed, you will find all the windows broken and smashed…a missile fell down yesterday evening on the street, and smashed the windows of all the houses. Thank God no one died…
We entered the garage, walking towards the wooden main door, which was pulled out and thrown on the floor, as if someone pushed it and broke it…
Oh, God, I couldn't believe this…. All the metal parts of the door were pulled, scattered about, from the fierce explosion.
Thank God we were not here…
I would have died of fear…
We decided to start a cleansing campaign for the house…Majid and Khalid would gather and sweep the smashed glass…Azzam would fix the broken door.
Raed and I shall clean the house of the dust, and then wash the garage…
There wasn't a drop of water in the tanks, and no electricity in the house.
We turned on the generator, and then pulled water out of the well that has been dug behind the house…. Water…so we started to clean and wash the house….
The sight of our house was depressing….as if it has been abandoned for months…
There was dust all over the furniture, shards of broken glass filled the house, and even the pictures have fallen from the walls…
Artifacts fell from the shelves, on to the ground….
We started our campaign at 11a.m, and finished around 4p.m.
There was no food in the fridge, and we cleaned it of the fruits and vegetables that has perished while we were away. We fried some eggs for lunch.
Then, a warm bath for every one, clean clothes from the closet. The weather was starting to get warmer…
After cleaning, we put large sheets of nylon over the windows, until we could fix new glass for them.
But suddenly, there was a powerful explosion behind the house, new windows were broken, the nylon sheets flew away…. The pictures fell from the walls again….
And my heart fell from panic….
I kept shivering all evening, and night.
Suddenly, all feelings of safety disappeared.
Thursday \ evening…
I kept on reading verses from the holy Koran, so as to calm my self…. I cried, I don't know about whom…my self, or the people, or the cities?
Or for the way we all ended up?
A feeling of pain, defeat, and bitterness…
***********
The news says there is some fighting in Al- Mansoor and Al- Adhmiya, An opposition, Iraqis and Arabs…
And still the fear of what is to come…fear of tomorrow and what it might bring…
********
A Shia'at leader was assassinated in Najaf. I don't know him, but they say that America supports him.
Well,… to hell… I hate politics and politicians… I do not understand their language, or their interests…
********
All night long I hear the noises of tanks moving from the airport towards central Baghdad. And explosions in the dead of night… I don't know who is firing on whom????
My heart bleeds for Iraq….
I can not even sleep the night.
********
Friday, 11th , April, 2003
The garden is filling with flowers, in many colors… But my heart is sad, and cannot feel anything towards them.
Will this country ever be safe again? Shall we ever live peacefully?
These matters keep worrying me. I do not ever want to leave the country... I want to remain here...
I hope to God that all will be calm again; our lives would go back to normal.
Whenever we discussed the situation as a family, Azzam and I feel optimistic, but Raed says, in a sad voice as if slapping me:
Mother, but it is the occupation, how could every thing be all right?
As if he is saying: Mother, this is a dead man, how can you ask him to speak?
My heart sinks in sadness… yes, Raid is right. I lose my self in pain, and silence. ********
I kept listening to the holy Koran, remembering the verses that threaten the unjust, cruel, oppressors…
I thought of what happened to Saddam and those around him, how much they humiliated, oppressed, and hurt people…
Now their story is upon every tongue in the world. Their houses were bombed then robbed…. They are scattered in earth, no one knows where they are now. They disappeared, along with all who supported and befriended them, believed in them, and defended them...
These are the evidences that God shows to his serfs, so that they would think, and consider…
***********
Didn't they ever think that such a day would be upon them? Of course not, for the devil was their companion, promising them, tempting them…. And God listens, sees, and waits, for they might repent, or pray for forgiveness. But their hour came suddenly upon them… and what a shameful end it was… making the wise sad, and the enemy gloat…
You idiots, what have you done to your selves?
********
Friday \ Evening
Satellite channels are transmitting images of the thieves robbing Baghdad…burning ministries, and looting hospitals…
These are not a part of the people; these are enemies of the people…. They will destroy what the bombing has not destroyed in Iraq… destroy what is left…
Who would love his country, and then commit a thing like this??? These are scum… scum with no roots….
I remembered a sentence written by a novelist some time, that he has visited many cities, and found that thieves and prostitutes are the scum of every country… that he couldn't judge that country by these samples, because they are without a Patriotic feelings ,they do not belong anywhere…..
*********
My heart is sad for Baghdad… being blundered and robbed…
Baghdad of history and civilization…
As if the Mongols have entered again…
As if the waters of Tigris are black, because so many books were thrown in it. Books of science and knowledge.
********
In the morning I saw a sad story on TV.,…. The Americans blew an Iraqi ammunitions storage that used to belong to the Iraqi Army, in Utayfiiya. The residents gathered, trying to convince the Americans to move the ammunition far away, lest they should harm the people and the houses.
But the army dose not co-operate with the residents, blows- up the storage… destroying 20 houses, and burning a palm grove…
No civilians were hurt, because they had evacuated the houses, but came back to find them in ruins.
To whom would they complain??
The state had fallen; now there is an occupation… all rights are lost.
********
By the end of the night… and after calls for help by the Iraqis, through satellite channels, the news says that Bush will give instructions to the leaders of the occupation army to arrange meetings with Iraqi police leaders, the retired ones.
The priorities being:
- Restoring and controlling security.
- Restoring electricity and water supply.
- Restoring T.V. broadcasting.
- Restoring public transportations.
*********
In Mousel, Basra, and other Iraqi cities, popular comities were established, and chose leaders for them. They fought the thieves, and got back the stolen articles.
But Baghdad is very big…. Who would control the security in it? It is supposed to be divided into smaller sectors, and then the process of establishing the popular comities would start.
********
They burned some of the ministries: Planning, Irrigation, Commerce, Health, The Property Loan Bank, The Central Bank, and some of the hotels….
Who is to benefit from such ugly, harmful acts?
Iraq is filled with strangers and enemies….
But no honest Iraqi would commit such an act, Never…
********
Thursday, June 10, 2004
I would like to thank my great American friend, Michael Richardson, a writer and graphic designer from Northampton, MA, USA, for his great effort, and for the time he spent designing the IRAQI CIVILIAN WAR CASUALTIES website. Michael emailed me some weeks ago offering to help me complete this great humanitarian job that started one year ago.
I was the country director of the first (and maybe only) door-to-door civilian casualties survey. Marla Ruzika was my American partner, the fund raiser, and the general director of CIVIC. Unfortunately, she didn't have the chance to publish the final results until now.
I decided to publish my copy of the final results of the Iraqi civilian casualties in Baghdad and the south of Iraq on the 9th of this month in respect to the big effort of the 150 volunteers who worked with me and spent weeks of hard work under the hot sun of the summer, in respect for Majid my brother who spent weeks arranging the data entry process, and in respect to the innocent souls of those who died because of irresponsible political decisions.
Two thousand killed, Four thousand injured.
Each one of these thousands has a life, memories, hopes. Each one had his moments of sadness, moments of joy and moments of love.
In respect to their sacred memory, I would appreciate it if you could spend some minutes reading the database file when I publish them, read their names, and their personal details, and think about them as human beings, friends, and relatives -- not mere figures and numbers.
I led the volunteers in their work in Baghdad, and the nine cities of the south: Karbala, Hilla, Najaf, Diwanyya, Simawa, Nasryya, Basra, Kut and Amara through my weekly visits. I went to the north for a couple of times, and arranged some smaller-scale surveys.
The survey teams were from the local areas: I made sure to create homogenous groups that reflected the ethnical, religious and gender ratios of the targeted regions. And I designed the survey form, all of which relied on my scientific background I gained from my M.Sc. researches, and relied on the very cooperative spirits of the volunteers and of the Iraqi families. We preferred not to include the military casualties to give our survey a civilian perspective.
Civilian: everyone killed outside the battlefield, even if his original job was military (e.g. a soldier killed in his house is a civilian). Military: everyone killed while fighting in a battle, even if his original job was a civic one (e.g. an engineer killed while fighting as a Fidaee) We had primitive and simple tools of research, yet I believe our survey is creditable and accountable.
Thank you again Michael, it wouldn’t be possible to announce this survey without your magnificent work.
I was the country director of the first (and maybe only) door-to-door civilian casualties survey. Marla Ruzika was my American partner, the fund raiser, and the general director of CIVIC. Unfortunately, she didn't have the chance to publish the final results until now.
I decided to publish my copy of the final results of the Iraqi civilian casualties in Baghdad and the south of Iraq on the 9th of this month in respect to the big effort of the 150 volunteers who worked with me and spent weeks of hard work under the hot sun of the summer, in respect for Majid my brother who spent weeks arranging the data entry process, and in respect to the innocent souls of those who died because of irresponsible political decisions.
Two thousand killed, Four thousand injured.
Each one of these thousands has a life, memories, hopes. Each one had his moments of sadness, moments of joy and moments of love.
In respect to their sacred memory, I would appreciate it if you could spend some minutes reading the database file when I publish them, read their names, and their personal details, and think about them as human beings, friends, and relatives -- not mere figures and numbers.
I led the volunteers in their work in Baghdad, and the nine cities of the south: Karbala, Hilla, Najaf, Diwanyya, Simawa, Nasryya, Basra, Kut and Amara through my weekly visits. I went to the north for a couple of times, and arranged some smaller-scale surveys.
The survey teams were from the local areas: I made sure to create homogenous groups that reflected the ethnical, religious and gender ratios of the targeted regions. And I designed the survey form, all of which relied on my scientific background I gained from my M.Sc. researches, and relied on the very cooperative spirits of the volunteers and of the Iraqi families. We preferred not to include the military casualties to give our survey a civilian perspective.
Civilian: everyone killed outside the battlefield, even if his original job was military (e.g. a soldier killed in his house is a civilian). Military: everyone killed while fighting in a battle, even if his original job was a civic one (e.g. an engineer killed while fighting as a Fidaee) We had primitive and simple tools of research, yet I believe our survey is creditable and accountable.
Thank you again Michael, it wouldn’t be possible to announce this survey without your magnificent work.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
الخميس /صباحا 10/4/003
رجعنا الى البيت...
الطريق مفتوحة من جهة الدورة-السيدية....
الشوارع مزدحمة, فيها سيارات كثيرة يحمل الركاب علما ابيض يلوحون به من النافذة...خوفا من اطلاق رصاص يأتيهم من جهة قوات التحالف...
مشاة كثيرون يحملون امتعة قليلة...يعودون لبيوتهم..
التقاطع الرئيسي في الدورة مع الشارع العام , حيث مرت قوات التحالف قبل أيام...يمتليء بالرصاص
أرض الشارع عليها مئات من الطلقات المستعملة, وغير المستعملة, كأنها تحكي عن حوار مسلح كان يدور هنا...
*********
توجد على طريق العودة للبيت , مخازن ومستودعات للدولة, أو منظمات حزبية.
للوهلة الأولى, لم افهم ما يحدث, نساء واطفال ورجال...يحملون أثاثا ومراوح ومبردات ومكيفات وطباخات
وسجاد وستائر...
من هؤلاء؟
وماذا يفعلون؟
بقيت مندهشة...لكن عزام قال : هؤلاء ينهبون ممتلكات الدولة.
لم أصدق!
وكأن هنالك تعليمات , أو صفارة ما, صرخت وأعطتهم الضوء الأخضر...
منظر مخجل مهين....
نظرت اليهم...كأنهم حثالة, هي ذاتها الحثالة التي كانت تركض وتصفق بلا كرامة: بالروح بالدم نفديك
يا صدام...
أحسست بألم شديد في قلبي, وجرح عميق في نفسي...
ماذا يحدث؟
************
وصلنا البيت...جاء ابن الجيران وقال :لا تخافوا, ستجدون كل الشبابيك مكسورة ومحطمة...
سقط أمس مساء صاروخ في الشارع, وحطم نوافذ كل البيوت...الحمد لله, لم يمت أحد..
دخلنا الكراج...ومشينا باتجاه الباب الخشبي الرئيسي, فوجدناه مخلوعا وملقى على الأرض, كأن ثمة من
دفعه وحطمه...
يا الهي, لا أصدق, كل القطع الحديدية للباب , انخلعت وطارت من شدة الإنفجار..
حمدت الله اننا لم نكن هنا..
كنت سأموت من الرعب.
اتفقنا على حملة التنظيف للبيت.. ماجد وخالد يلمان الزجاج المكسور...
عزام يصلح الباب المخلوع...
رائد وأنا ننظف البيت من الغبار ونغسل الكراج...
لم يكن ثمة قطرة ماء في الخزانات...ولا كهرباء في البيت.
أدرنا المولدة, وسحبنا من البئر, المحفور خلف البيت , ماء...وبدأنا ننظف ونغسل البيت..
منظر بيتنا محزن...كأنه مهجور منذ شهور طويلة...
الغبار يغطي الأثاث...وشظايا الزجاج المحطم تملا البيت, والصور سقطت من على الجدران...
والتحف سقطت من على رفوف المكتبة الى الأرض...
بدأنا حملة التنظيف في الحادية عشرة صباحا...
وانتهينا في الرابعة عصرا...
لا يوجد طعام في الثلاجة, نظفناها من الفواكه والخضار التالفة من انقطاع الكهرباء اثناء غيابنا.
قلينا بعض البيض. كان الغداء...
ثم حمام دافيء للجميع, وملابس نظيفة من الخزانة.
الجو بدأ يميل الى الحر...
وبعد التنظيف, وضعنا قطعا كبيرة من النايلون على الشبابيك, لحين تركيب الزجاج للنوافذ...
لكن ثمة انفجار قوي حدث فجأة خلف البيت, وانكسرت نوافذ جديدة, وطار النايلون...وسقطت الصور عن الحائط مرة أخرى...
وسقط قلبي من الرعب...
بقيت أرتجف طوال المساء والليل...
ذهب الشعور بالأمان...اختفى فجأة...
الخميس/مساء
بقيت أقرأ آيات من القرآن لتهدأ نفسي...وجلست أبكي...
لا أدري على ماذا , على نفسي , أم على الناس, أم على المدن؟
أم على حالنا جميعا؟؟
شعور بالألم والخيبة والهزيمة....
***********
الأخبار تقول ثمة قتال في المنصور والأعظمية...
معارضة من عراقيين وعرب...
الخوف مما سيأتي....الخوف من الغد وما يحمله لنا...
********
اغتالوا احد زعماء الشيعة في النجف...
لا أعرفه, لكنهم يقولون ان اميركا تحبه..
فليذهب الى الجحيم...
أكره السياسة وأهل السياسة..ولا أفهم لغتهم ومصالحهم.
********
طوال الليل أسمع أصوات دبابات تمشي من المطار باتجاه مركز بغداد..
وأصوات انفجارات في سكون الليل الرهيب...لا أدري من يطلق على من ؟
قلبي ينعصر حزنا علىالعراق...
ولا أقدر أن أنام الليل....
********
الجمعة / صباحا 11/4/003
الحديقة تمتليء بالورود وبكل الألوان..
لكن قلبي حزين ولا يحس تجاهها بشيء...
هل سيعود هذا البلد آمنا ؟
وهل سنعيش عيشة كريمة؟
تظل هذه الأمور تقلقني , لا أريد مغادرة البلاد ابدا..أريد أن أظل هنا..
عسى الله يهديء الأمور وتعود حياتنا طبيعية...
كلما تناقشنا نحن العائلة بيننا في الموضوع...نتفاءل انا وعزام, لكن رائد يقول بصوت حزين كأنه يصفعني...
ماما , لكنه الإحتلال, كيف يمكن أن يكون كل شيء على ما يرام؟
كأنه يقول: ماما هذا رجل ميت, كيف تطلبين منه الكلام ؟
يغوص قلبي في الحزن...نعم , رائد معه حق .
وأغرق في الألم والصمت...
********
بقيت اسمع آيات القران, وأتذكر الآيات التي فيها تهديد للظالمين القساة المتكبرين..
وتذكرت ما حدث لصدام ومن حوله. كم استهتروا وظلموا وذلوا الناس..
والآن صارت قصتهم على كل لسان في العالم...
قصفت بيوتهم ثم نهبت...وتشردوا في الأرض..لا أحد يعلم أين هم الآن .
اختفوا جميعا, هم وكل من أيدهم وصادقهم وآمن بهم ودافع عنهم...
هذه آيات الله يريها لعباده...عساهم ينظرون ويتفكرون...
( ان بطش ربك لشديد...)
***********
الم يفكروا ان يوما كهذا سيأتيهم؟
لا طبعا..لأن الشيطان كان رفيقهم, يعدهم ويزين لهم اعمالهم...
والله يسمع ويرى وينتظر عساهم يندمون ...او يستغفرون.
ثم جاءتهم الساعة بغتة, ويا لها من نهاية مخزية...
تحزن العاقل وتشمت العدو...
ايها الحمقى , ماذا فعلتم بأنفسكم ؟
( فذوقوا العذاب بما كنتم تكفرون)
********
الجمعة/مساء
الفضائيات تبث صور اللصوص ينهبون بغداد...ويحرقون الوزارات, ويسرقون المستشفيات..
هؤلاء ليسوا من الشعب , هؤلاء أعداء الشعب...
سيدمروا ما لم يدمره القصف على العراق...
سيدمروا ما تبقى...
من يحب بلاده ويفعل هذا؟
هؤلاء حثالة...حثالة بلا انتماء..
اتذكر جملة كتبها روائي في زمن ما ...
انه زار مدنا عدة , فوجد أن اللصوص والنساء الساقطات..هم حثالة كل بلد.. ولا يقدر أن يكون فكرة عن ذلك البلد من هذه النماذج...لأنها بلا وطن...بلا انتماء .
*********
قلبي حزين على بغداد تنهب وتسرق...
بغداد التاريخ والحضارة.
كأن المغول دخلوها من جديد...
وكأن دجلة يسود ماؤه من أوراق الكتب التي احرقت....
كتب العلم والمعرفة.
********
في الصباح رأيت على شاشة التلفزيون قصة حزينة...
فجر الأمريكان مستودعا للذخيرة العراقية كان يستعمله الجيش العراقي...في العطيفية.
الأهالي تجمعوا حول الجيش يريدون اقناعهم بنقل الذخيرة بعيدا لئلا يؤذوا البيوت والناس
الجيش يمتنع عن التجاوب مع الأهالي ويفجر المستودع وينهدم 20 بيتا...واحترق بستان النخيل..
لم يصب أحد بأذى لأن الأهالي اخلوا البيوت...ثم عادوا فوجدوها مهدمة...
لمن يشتكون؟؟؟
سقطت الدولة وجاء الإحتلال...وضاعت الحقوق .
********
في نهاية الليل...
وبعد نداءات واستغاثات من العراقيين عبر المحطات الفضائية.
الأخبار تقول ان بوش سيعطي تعليمات لقادة جيش الإحتلال بعمل اجتماع مع قادة الشرطة العراقية
من المتقاعدين...
الأولويات:
اعادة الأمان وضبط الأمن
اعادة الكهرباء والماء
التلفزيون
وسائط النقل العام
*********
في الموصل والبصرة ومدن عراقية اخرى..
تشكلت لجان شعبية من المدن, واختارت رؤساء لها..
وضربوا اللصوص وأعادوا المسروقات.
لكن بغداد كبيرة...من سيقوم بضبط الأمن فيها؟
المفروض أن تقسم الى مناطق صغيرة...وتتم عملية تكوين اللجان الشعبية للسيطرة على المناطق.
********
احرقوا الوزارات: التخطيط/ الري/ التجارة/الصحة/ المصرف العقاري/ البنك المركزي/ وعدد من الفنادق...
من له مصلحة في هذه الأفعال القبيحة المؤذية؟؟؟
العراق يمتليء بالغرباء والأعداء....
ولا يقترف هذه الأفعال عراقي شريف , أبدا...
********
رجعنا الى البيت...
الطريق مفتوحة من جهة الدورة-السيدية....
الشوارع مزدحمة, فيها سيارات كثيرة يحمل الركاب علما ابيض يلوحون به من النافذة...خوفا من اطلاق رصاص يأتيهم من جهة قوات التحالف...
مشاة كثيرون يحملون امتعة قليلة...يعودون لبيوتهم..
التقاطع الرئيسي في الدورة مع الشارع العام , حيث مرت قوات التحالف قبل أيام...يمتليء بالرصاص
أرض الشارع عليها مئات من الطلقات المستعملة, وغير المستعملة, كأنها تحكي عن حوار مسلح كان يدور هنا...
*********
توجد على طريق العودة للبيت , مخازن ومستودعات للدولة, أو منظمات حزبية.
للوهلة الأولى, لم افهم ما يحدث, نساء واطفال ورجال...يحملون أثاثا ومراوح ومبردات ومكيفات وطباخات
وسجاد وستائر...
من هؤلاء؟
وماذا يفعلون؟
بقيت مندهشة...لكن عزام قال : هؤلاء ينهبون ممتلكات الدولة.
لم أصدق!
وكأن هنالك تعليمات , أو صفارة ما, صرخت وأعطتهم الضوء الأخضر...
منظر مخجل مهين....
نظرت اليهم...كأنهم حثالة, هي ذاتها الحثالة التي كانت تركض وتصفق بلا كرامة: بالروح بالدم نفديك
يا صدام...
أحسست بألم شديد في قلبي, وجرح عميق في نفسي...
ماذا يحدث؟
************
وصلنا البيت...جاء ابن الجيران وقال :لا تخافوا, ستجدون كل الشبابيك مكسورة ومحطمة...
سقط أمس مساء صاروخ في الشارع, وحطم نوافذ كل البيوت...الحمد لله, لم يمت أحد..
دخلنا الكراج...ومشينا باتجاه الباب الخشبي الرئيسي, فوجدناه مخلوعا وملقى على الأرض, كأن ثمة من
دفعه وحطمه...
يا الهي, لا أصدق, كل القطع الحديدية للباب , انخلعت وطارت من شدة الإنفجار..
حمدت الله اننا لم نكن هنا..
كنت سأموت من الرعب.
اتفقنا على حملة التنظيف للبيت.. ماجد وخالد يلمان الزجاج المكسور...
عزام يصلح الباب المخلوع...
رائد وأنا ننظف البيت من الغبار ونغسل الكراج...
لم يكن ثمة قطرة ماء في الخزانات...ولا كهرباء في البيت.
أدرنا المولدة, وسحبنا من البئر, المحفور خلف البيت , ماء...وبدأنا ننظف ونغسل البيت..
منظر بيتنا محزن...كأنه مهجور منذ شهور طويلة...
الغبار يغطي الأثاث...وشظايا الزجاج المحطم تملا البيت, والصور سقطت من على الجدران...
والتحف سقطت من على رفوف المكتبة الى الأرض...
بدأنا حملة التنظيف في الحادية عشرة صباحا...
وانتهينا في الرابعة عصرا...
لا يوجد طعام في الثلاجة, نظفناها من الفواكه والخضار التالفة من انقطاع الكهرباء اثناء غيابنا.
قلينا بعض البيض. كان الغداء...
ثم حمام دافيء للجميع, وملابس نظيفة من الخزانة.
الجو بدأ يميل الى الحر...
وبعد التنظيف, وضعنا قطعا كبيرة من النايلون على الشبابيك, لحين تركيب الزجاج للنوافذ...
لكن ثمة انفجار قوي حدث فجأة خلف البيت, وانكسرت نوافذ جديدة, وطار النايلون...وسقطت الصور عن الحائط مرة أخرى...
وسقط قلبي من الرعب...
بقيت أرتجف طوال المساء والليل...
ذهب الشعور بالأمان...اختفى فجأة...
الخميس/مساء
بقيت أقرأ آيات من القرآن لتهدأ نفسي...وجلست أبكي...
لا أدري على ماذا , على نفسي , أم على الناس, أم على المدن؟
أم على حالنا جميعا؟؟
شعور بالألم والخيبة والهزيمة....
***********
الأخبار تقول ثمة قتال في المنصور والأعظمية...
معارضة من عراقيين وعرب...
الخوف مما سيأتي....الخوف من الغد وما يحمله لنا...
********
اغتالوا احد زعماء الشيعة في النجف...
لا أعرفه, لكنهم يقولون ان اميركا تحبه..
فليذهب الى الجحيم...
أكره السياسة وأهل السياسة..ولا أفهم لغتهم ومصالحهم.
********
طوال الليل أسمع أصوات دبابات تمشي من المطار باتجاه مركز بغداد..
وأصوات انفجارات في سكون الليل الرهيب...لا أدري من يطلق على من ؟
قلبي ينعصر حزنا علىالعراق...
ولا أقدر أن أنام الليل....
********
الجمعة / صباحا 11/4/003
الحديقة تمتليء بالورود وبكل الألوان..
لكن قلبي حزين ولا يحس تجاهها بشيء...
هل سيعود هذا البلد آمنا ؟
وهل سنعيش عيشة كريمة؟
تظل هذه الأمور تقلقني , لا أريد مغادرة البلاد ابدا..أريد أن أظل هنا..
عسى الله يهديء الأمور وتعود حياتنا طبيعية...
كلما تناقشنا نحن العائلة بيننا في الموضوع...نتفاءل انا وعزام, لكن رائد يقول بصوت حزين كأنه يصفعني...
ماما , لكنه الإحتلال, كيف يمكن أن يكون كل شيء على ما يرام؟
كأنه يقول: ماما هذا رجل ميت, كيف تطلبين منه الكلام ؟
يغوص قلبي في الحزن...نعم , رائد معه حق .
وأغرق في الألم والصمت...
********
بقيت اسمع آيات القران, وأتذكر الآيات التي فيها تهديد للظالمين القساة المتكبرين..
وتذكرت ما حدث لصدام ومن حوله. كم استهتروا وظلموا وذلوا الناس..
والآن صارت قصتهم على كل لسان في العالم...
قصفت بيوتهم ثم نهبت...وتشردوا في الأرض..لا أحد يعلم أين هم الآن .
اختفوا جميعا, هم وكل من أيدهم وصادقهم وآمن بهم ودافع عنهم...
هذه آيات الله يريها لعباده...عساهم ينظرون ويتفكرون...
( ان بطش ربك لشديد...)
***********
الم يفكروا ان يوما كهذا سيأتيهم؟
لا طبعا..لأن الشيطان كان رفيقهم, يعدهم ويزين لهم اعمالهم...
والله يسمع ويرى وينتظر عساهم يندمون ...او يستغفرون.
ثم جاءتهم الساعة بغتة, ويا لها من نهاية مخزية...
تحزن العاقل وتشمت العدو...
ايها الحمقى , ماذا فعلتم بأنفسكم ؟
( فذوقوا العذاب بما كنتم تكفرون)
********
الجمعة/مساء
الفضائيات تبث صور اللصوص ينهبون بغداد...ويحرقون الوزارات, ويسرقون المستشفيات..
هؤلاء ليسوا من الشعب , هؤلاء أعداء الشعب...
سيدمروا ما لم يدمره القصف على العراق...
سيدمروا ما تبقى...
من يحب بلاده ويفعل هذا؟
هؤلاء حثالة...حثالة بلا انتماء..
اتذكر جملة كتبها روائي في زمن ما ...
انه زار مدنا عدة , فوجد أن اللصوص والنساء الساقطات..هم حثالة كل بلد.. ولا يقدر أن يكون فكرة عن ذلك البلد من هذه النماذج...لأنها بلا وطن...بلا انتماء .
*********
قلبي حزين على بغداد تنهب وتسرق...
بغداد التاريخ والحضارة.
كأن المغول دخلوها من جديد...
وكأن دجلة يسود ماؤه من أوراق الكتب التي احرقت....
كتب العلم والمعرفة.
********
في الصباح رأيت على شاشة التلفزيون قصة حزينة...
فجر الأمريكان مستودعا للذخيرة العراقية كان يستعمله الجيش العراقي...في العطيفية.
الأهالي تجمعوا حول الجيش يريدون اقناعهم بنقل الذخيرة بعيدا لئلا يؤذوا البيوت والناس
الجيش يمتنع عن التجاوب مع الأهالي ويفجر المستودع وينهدم 20 بيتا...واحترق بستان النخيل..
لم يصب أحد بأذى لأن الأهالي اخلوا البيوت...ثم عادوا فوجدوها مهدمة...
لمن يشتكون؟؟؟
سقطت الدولة وجاء الإحتلال...وضاعت الحقوق .
********
في نهاية الليل...
وبعد نداءات واستغاثات من العراقيين عبر المحطات الفضائية.
الأخبار تقول ان بوش سيعطي تعليمات لقادة جيش الإحتلال بعمل اجتماع مع قادة الشرطة العراقية
من المتقاعدين...
الأولويات:
اعادة الأمان وضبط الأمن
اعادة الكهرباء والماء
التلفزيون
وسائط النقل العام
*********
في الموصل والبصرة ومدن عراقية اخرى..
تشكلت لجان شعبية من المدن, واختارت رؤساء لها..
وضربوا اللصوص وأعادوا المسروقات.
لكن بغداد كبيرة...من سيقوم بضبط الأمن فيها؟
المفروض أن تقسم الى مناطق صغيرة...وتتم عملية تكوين اللجان الشعبية للسيطرة على المناطق.
********
احرقوا الوزارات: التخطيط/ الري/ التجارة/الصحة/ المصرف العقاري/ البنك المركزي/ وعدد من الفنادق...
من له مصلحة في هذه الأفعال القبيحة المؤذية؟؟؟
العراق يمتليء بالغرباء والأعداء....
ولا يقترف هذه الأفعال عراقي شريف , أبدا...
********
Friday, June 04, 2004
Sunday, 6th , April , 2003
Another dismal day… heavy bombardment to the airport area, announcement of a curfew from 6 p.m. till 6 a.m...
As there was no electricity, we operated the generator for a while in the morning, or night, as there wasn't enough fuel.
We emptied the refrigerator and the freezer, but so much of the food had perished. I felt more depressed as I thought of our house, what happened to my fridge and freezer? Is the house still intact, no shells had fallen upon it???
Shall we ever go home, or perhaps be like the Palestinians, who left their houses in1948, thinking that they would be back within the week, but never went back… still their grandchildren have the same dream, of returning home….
Far off dreams…
The water supply is very weak, we hardly collect a little to do the laundry and wash the dishes. I wash my hair at the sink; there was no shampoo, no soap, and no hand cream… I used some Iraqi shampoo, and some cheap soap, but there was no cream for my hands at night. I forgot all my personal things at home.
I do miss our life, our home…I feel so lonely…
*****
Monday, 7th , April, 2003
Another morning assult, 7 a.m. . . .The noises of bombardment, machine-gun fire, and war planes. Heavy dust is cloaking the city; I wondered how our house would fare, we didn't leave the windows tightly shut.
In the afternoon, we heard in the news about a multi-tons missile attack on several houses behind the Al-Sa'aa restaurant, they thought that Saddam Hussein had a staff meeting there; perhaps it was another disastrous hit like the Al-Ameriia shelter raid, with so many civilian casualties… but, as we do not leave the house, we hardly know what is happening.
Every body is hiding at home…
*****
Tuesday, 8TH , April, 2003
All is quiet… that was the first night without bombs and planes.
I slept since midnight till 7 in the morning … impossible… how dose the world look like without war???
All is quiet… and birdsongs…
Last night I remembered my sisters, friends, and neighbors … where are they? What happened to them??
It's as if I am not in Baghdad, as if I have traveled to a very far place…even though the distances are the same, but we can't contact each other, or know if someone is safe, or reach each other…
It is sad, the way Saddam and those with him are going to end, but I keep thinking back about all the harmful, stupid things he did. He was given a hundred thousand chances to do better, but he kept behaving in a cruel way to the people, he had no compassion to them, never thought of their welfare… only the few he had use of were basking in his favors, living a good life, while most of the people were miserable, crushed, and unjustly treated.
And who says his replacement would be better than he was???
Only the days to come would show us what is now hidden…
And all goes by the will of GOD ALMIGHTY.
*****
They say there are battles going on at the presidential palace area…
By evening we heard about the American bombardment of the Palestine hotel, and Al-Jazzera office. A number of journalists, reporters, and photographers died.
Another sad day….
****
Wednesday, 9th, April, 2003
Another morning battle on the road coming from Yousiffiya to Baghdad, at Al-Doora intersection … the noises of various weapons…then, quiet….
The neighbors said there were civilian martyrs on the main street, killed and their cars burned..
The American troops had orders to shoot any moving target.
People are afraid to collect the bodies of their relatives, the streets were not safe, suddenly an American patrol would appear, and the fire would burn- up.
****
At noon Azzam and I went to find out if there was away to go back home, the way to the main street had battle scars … cut electricity cables lying in the street, from the main electricity lines, broken curbs, holes filling the street from helicopter gunfire, burned Iraqi army vehicles, standing by the edge of the road, burned civilian cars, empty, for here the bodies have been pulled. But on the other road, the main road going to the airport …. Danger, do not get too close, they called it the (Death Road); they will kill any looming target.
So we went back to our relative's.
*****
Dust, bombardment, no electricity, imprisonment at home, curfew, and a parting from family and relatives… AND, a mysterious unknown future….
This sums it all….
*****
3 p.m., the American tanks came, then went into the side streets, then stood on the corner of the market place, the American flag waving, people moving about with their hands raised up, or holding white flags, this is how they heard the instructions…. There was a skirmish between some Ba'ath party members and the American troops, then all went quiet.
The tanks moved around in the area, people got into their houses, but kept watching from windows, or on roof tops, cautiously and fearfully.
We couldn't understand yet what happened??!!!
Where did Saddam Hussein go???
We saw him on T.V. yesterday, people carrying him up, clapping and praising him, like a fool. I think this is the end for him … I remembered the dream I saw before the war.
*****
By evening, we listened to Monte-Carlo radio station announcing that the people gathered in the Al-Firdouse square and pulled down the statue of Saddam Hussein.
No body could believe that!!!
What is happening??? How did we get to this end?? Where is the Iraqi army???
*****
I got up to the roof, then up on the parapet, gazing at Baghdad from far away...
The accursed black smoke has stopped, it is some time after sunset, the sky was clear, the air refreshing…
Some calmness shrouded the city after the hell of war…
Would the war really stop??
Shall we ever get back to our lives again??
I wish so, with all my heart…
*****
Thursday, 10th, April, 2003
We went back home…..
(to be continued…)
******************************
translated by May.
Another dismal day… heavy bombardment to the airport area, announcement of a curfew from 6 p.m. till 6 a.m...
As there was no electricity, we operated the generator for a while in the morning, or night, as there wasn't enough fuel.
We emptied the refrigerator and the freezer, but so much of the food had perished. I felt more depressed as I thought of our house, what happened to my fridge and freezer? Is the house still intact, no shells had fallen upon it???
Shall we ever go home, or perhaps be like the Palestinians, who left their houses in1948, thinking that they would be back within the week, but never went back… still their grandchildren have the same dream, of returning home….
Far off dreams…
The water supply is very weak, we hardly collect a little to do the laundry and wash the dishes. I wash my hair at the sink; there was no shampoo, no soap, and no hand cream… I used some Iraqi shampoo, and some cheap soap, but there was no cream for my hands at night. I forgot all my personal things at home.
I do miss our life, our home…I feel so lonely…
*****
Monday, 7th , April, 2003
Another morning assult, 7 a.m. . . .The noises of bombardment, machine-gun fire, and war planes. Heavy dust is cloaking the city; I wondered how our house would fare, we didn't leave the windows tightly shut.
In the afternoon, we heard in the news about a multi-tons missile attack on several houses behind the Al-Sa'aa restaurant, they thought that Saddam Hussein had a staff meeting there; perhaps it was another disastrous hit like the Al-Ameriia shelter raid, with so many civilian casualties… but, as we do not leave the house, we hardly know what is happening.
Every body is hiding at home…
*****
Tuesday, 8TH , April, 2003
All is quiet… that was the first night without bombs and planes.
I slept since midnight till 7 in the morning … impossible… how dose the world look like without war???
All is quiet… and birdsongs…
Last night I remembered my sisters, friends, and neighbors … where are they? What happened to them??
It's as if I am not in Baghdad, as if I have traveled to a very far place…even though the distances are the same, but we can't contact each other, or know if someone is safe, or reach each other…
It is sad, the way Saddam and those with him are going to end, but I keep thinking back about all the harmful, stupid things he did. He was given a hundred thousand chances to do better, but he kept behaving in a cruel way to the people, he had no compassion to them, never thought of their welfare… only the few he had use of were basking in his favors, living a good life, while most of the people were miserable, crushed, and unjustly treated.
And who says his replacement would be better than he was???
Only the days to come would show us what is now hidden…
And all goes by the will of GOD ALMIGHTY.
*****
They say there are battles going on at the presidential palace area…
By evening we heard about the American bombardment of the Palestine hotel, and Al-Jazzera office. A number of journalists, reporters, and photographers died.
Another sad day….
****
Wednesday, 9th, April, 2003
Another morning battle on the road coming from Yousiffiya to Baghdad, at Al-Doora intersection … the noises of various weapons…then, quiet….
The neighbors said there were civilian martyrs on the main street, killed and their cars burned..
The American troops had orders to shoot any moving target.
People are afraid to collect the bodies of their relatives, the streets were not safe, suddenly an American patrol would appear, and the fire would burn- up.
****
At noon Azzam and I went to find out if there was away to go back home, the way to the main street had battle scars … cut electricity cables lying in the street, from the main electricity lines, broken curbs, holes filling the street from helicopter gunfire, burned Iraqi army vehicles, standing by the edge of the road, burned civilian cars, empty, for here the bodies have been pulled. But on the other road, the main road going to the airport …. Danger, do not get too close, they called it the (Death Road); they will kill any looming target.
So we went back to our relative's.
*****
Dust, bombardment, no electricity, imprisonment at home, curfew, and a parting from family and relatives… AND, a mysterious unknown future….
This sums it all….
*****
3 p.m., the American tanks came, then went into the side streets, then stood on the corner of the market place, the American flag waving, people moving about with their hands raised up, or holding white flags, this is how they heard the instructions…. There was a skirmish between some Ba'ath party members and the American troops, then all went quiet.
The tanks moved around in the area, people got into their houses, but kept watching from windows, or on roof tops, cautiously and fearfully.
We couldn't understand yet what happened??!!!
Where did Saddam Hussein go???
We saw him on T.V. yesterday, people carrying him up, clapping and praising him, like a fool. I think this is the end for him … I remembered the dream I saw before the war.
*****
By evening, we listened to Monte-Carlo radio station announcing that the people gathered in the Al-Firdouse square and pulled down the statue of Saddam Hussein.
No body could believe that!!!
What is happening??? How did we get to this end?? Where is the Iraqi army???
*****
I got up to the roof, then up on the parapet, gazing at Baghdad from far away...
The accursed black smoke has stopped, it is some time after sunset, the sky was clear, the air refreshing…
Some calmness shrouded the city after the hell of war…
Would the war really stop??
Shall we ever get back to our lives again??
I wish so, with all my heart…
*****
Thursday, 10th, April, 2003
We went back home…..
(to be continued…)
******************************
translated by May.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Saturday, 5th Apri , 2003
We woke up suddenly, fearfully, on the noises of machine-gun fire, helicopters, and missiles. There was a battle raging outside, but we didn't comprehend anything.
We hid in the store room, amid rice and flour sacks, and the car’s spare parts. The store was small, and there wasn’t room for every one, so the women got inside, and the men remained outside … unbearable panic…
On the main street, coming from the south, probably the American troops were advancing towards Baghdad…
In half an hour or so, the battle ended, and all was quiet. The people went out to the street, coming back with the news… the American troops pulled back, and the streets were full of Iraqi corpses. We couldn’t understand what happened … and who would explain???
In the afternoon, Azaam and Raed went back home to get the small generator that used to be for the shop. There was no electricity, therefore, no T.V., and we wanted to watch the news.
Azaam and Raed said that in the areas adjacent to the airport there was a total evacuation, only vehicles belonging to the Iraqi army, and some soldiers were on the streets … the houses were empty.
My heart froze … feeling defeat …
Al-Sahhaf said that the American troops pulled back, and we have destroyed them … then took the journalists in a tour to the airport road.
The T.V. was broadcasting songs showing men carrying machine-guns, dancing, and indorsing Saddam Hussein. I remained stunned, for I do not usually watch Iraqi T.V. at home. But here I had to, there was no satellite receiver. I was hit in the face by this wretched media, and all those mis-led people …I had the inside feeling that these songs will not be broadcasted again, that they have become a part of some past that will never be back.
****
It is evening, my heart is sad … I remembered the Iraqi soldiers, lying on the pavements, under a canopy of bullets and danger, death approaching, surrounding them … what guilt have they committed ??? Why would they have to pay the price of a foolish man’s policy?? Deprived of their homes, families, and loved ones … defending Saddam, or defending us??? We people, sitting home, spending our times as it goes, waiting for this stupid game to end …
But these soldiers, they are inside the grinder of death…
Silent tears rolled down my eyes … Unknown soldiers … who would remember them?!!!
I truly wished we could help them defend Baghdad … but how???
I don’t know … I felt guilty, powerless to do anything…
*****
We woke up suddenly, fearfully, on the noises of machine-gun fire, helicopters, and missiles. There was a battle raging outside, but we didn't comprehend anything.
We hid in the store room, amid rice and flour sacks, and the car’s spare parts. The store was small, and there wasn’t room for every one, so the women got inside, and the men remained outside … unbearable panic…
On the main street, coming from the south, probably the American troops were advancing towards Baghdad…
In half an hour or so, the battle ended, and all was quiet. The people went out to the street, coming back with the news… the American troops pulled back, and the streets were full of Iraqi corpses. We couldn’t understand what happened … and who would explain???
In the afternoon, Azaam and Raed went back home to get the small generator that used to be for the shop. There was no electricity, therefore, no T.V., and we wanted to watch the news.
Azaam and Raed said that in the areas adjacent to the airport there was a total evacuation, only vehicles belonging to the Iraqi army, and some soldiers were on the streets … the houses were empty.
My heart froze … feeling defeat …
Al-Sahhaf said that the American troops pulled back, and we have destroyed them … then took the journalists in a tour to the airport road.
The T.V. was broadcasting songs showing men carrying machine-guns, dancing, and indorsing Saddam Hussein. I remained stunned, for I do not usually watch Iraqi T.V. at home. But here I had to, there was no satellite receiver. I was hit in the face by this wretched media, and all those mis-led people …I had the inside feeling that these songs will not be broadcasted again, that they have become a part of some past that will never be back.
****
It is evening, my heart is sad … I remembered the Iraqi soldiers, lying on the pavements, under a canopy of bullets and danger, death approaching, surrounding them … what guilt have they committed ??? Why would they have to pay the price of a foolish man’s policy?? Deprived of their homes, families, and loved ones … defending Saddam, or defending us??? We people, sitting home, spending our times as it goes, waiting for this stupid game to end …
But these soldiers, they are inside the grinder of death…
Silent tears rolled down my eyes … Unknown soldiers … who would remember them?!!!
I truly wished we could help them defend Baghdad … but how???
I don’t know … I felt guilty, powerless to do anything…
*****
Monday, May 31, 2004
FRIDAY, 4th April, 2003
We spent last night at the boy’s uncle’s house, a small apartment, we couldn’t even sleep, partly being very nervous because of what happened to us, and partly because of the thundering noises of the Iraqi resistance fire, which kept bombarding the airport till morning…
At midnight, we heard the news on the satellite channel, our relatives had a generator, but the electricity was still off, so most of the people didn’t know till now…
The news said that the American forces tried to land in the airport, and dropped cluster bombs on the Al-Furat district, the Iraqi casualties reaching up to 300 dead, civilian and military..
Al-Sahhaf said, as usual, that it was nothing; we will kick them out and destroy them.
I fully realized that he was a lying loser, that the pit they were leading us to have become very… very close.
Last night was one of the most sad, fearful, and painful nights... shall we ever go home??
I remembered Abu-Saliih, who ran away for fear of the bombardment, leaving the house to the ruins.
Instead of one disaster, we were facing two: bombs, destruction, panic, and having to leave our house. We didn’t even bring any identification papers, passports, or money …. We left every thing and run quickly…
*****
Time before noon … we decided to go home to get more clothes and stuff, then go to Al-Doura area, where the boy’s other uncle lives. They had a bigger house, and the area was abit further, and probably safer…
Azzam, Raed, and I went, leaving Khalid and Majid at their uncle’s; we didn’t want the whole family to die in one lot. We found that our area has turned in to a ghost zone… the streets empty; the houses seem to be deserted by its occupants. Some soldiers were resting under an umbrella, reclining on the pavement, talking, while their launchers were scattered on the ground near by, with their bases. We passed them quickly. I felt my heart twisting in pain for them, saying to myself: these soldiers are going to die, no doubt… I stared at the empty streets, looking towards the airport, where a suspicious silence prevailed….
****
We reached the house, got down quickly to gather some more clothes, and emptied the contents of our safe in a small box. I was very nervous, especially when some more shooting erupted near by. So I said to Azzam: let’s get out, I want nothing more. … Electricity was still off, the refrigerators were starting to thaw, losing their frost … all the food will perish, Azzam said. I said to my self: let it go to hell….
We closed down the house once more, with me felling worried, will I ever get back to it??? Will I find it safe??? I don’t know, so I decided to stop thinking about all this, for I already have enough on my mind…
******
We collected Majid and Khalid, then went to Al-Doura in two cars, where we put each one in a separate garage at the neighbors, for most people here were poor, almost no one owned a car, and the garages were empty. We put our luggage upstairs, in an empty room. We were sad to leave our house, and embarrassed for being here, for perhaps we will be an added burden for the family, they will lose their privacy … but, this was war, when all privacies drop down.
*****
The news says there is a decisive battle going on at the airport, that the Americans have withdrawn to an adjacent area, with fierce fighting raging all the time. All night long the Iraqi ground artillery bombarded the airport, and the American war planes raided the capital, near and far …
It’s Impossible to sleep …..
*****
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
An ordinary gloomy morning …
After lunch, I said to Raed : lets go and visit your aunt, I want to check if she is safe, for I visited her a few days ago, but didn't t find her…
I knocked on her door, but no one answered…the neighbors said she went to Ramadi, a pick up came along, she took some mattresses and pillows, and some of her valuables. My other sister and brother came too, and they all went to Ramadi, where they rented a big house there, and when things would calm down, they would come back.
My heart sank, already feeling that some mishap is about to happen…
Why did they go to Ramadi?? Did they have any knowledge about what was going to happen?
There were no telephones, So I couldn't t call and ask for details, but I guessed they had heard some definite news, for my brothers were ex- medical doctors, with a lot of friends, and quite a good supply of sure news.
****
Ra aed said: Don t be sad, Mom, let me take you for a tour in Baghdad, didn't t you ask for it before the war? Come on, this is a chance…
I remained silent, having no mood to answer… Baghdad now is battered, what use is this tour???
It was along drive, which took more than one hour… the Sinak communications center was just a skeleton, and so was Al-M`a mmon center. Some official buildings and ministries were hit by missiles and the streets nearby had no windows left intact... There was a street in Karrada about which we laughed so much, calling it ( The Street of Scattered Glass), said that glass suppliers would gain a lot of money after the war.
Baghdad looked like a ghost city…silent streets, devoid of cars and people, with the evidence of the painful missiles bombardment…
That was all I saw in my tour…
****
We went back home at around 5 P.M., I was tired, in body and spirit…
I wished I could change my clothes, and rest for a while… I sat in the safe room, telling Az zam and the boys what we saw in our tour…I was sitting on the floor wearing the same clothes when we heard the noises of artillery bombardment near by…WHAT WAS THAT??? We all wondered, then asked Raed to go up to the roof and find out what was happening, perhaps the Iraqi defenders set up an artillery position close by…
Raed came down running, panting…artillery bombardment from the airport on the Al-Furat District opposite from us…shells falling on the streets, people running…we said: So the Americans got to the Baghdad Airport…and stared in each others pale faces…
We called a friend of Kahlid s who lives in our neighborhood, asking: What is happening?? An American attack, He said, we will leave the house now, you also should leave your house, the area is not safe..
We started to hear shouting voices, and the sirens of Ambulances…the artillery quieted down for a while, but the sirens had a terrible meaning at those minutes, one meaning, Death is close.
A war front suddenly burned up here, so near to us…where there are explosions, and casualties, and death.
I run upstairs and got a big suitcase, where we hastily put a pyjama for each of us. We closed down the suitcase, and the front door. I was going to die from panic once more, Ra aed says: Let's wait and see what happens. But I screamed: There is no time to think or wait, the American missiles are going to fall on our heads tonight, I won t stay here one minute….
Azzam s instructions were that Raed and Khalid should go in one car, and we follow in the other, fearing that if we leave a car in the garage it would be stolen…the situation wasn` t safe… Where would we go?? It was a fast question and a fast decision, the nearest relative s house being the boys uncle, in Saddam District.
We decided to spend the night there, a few kilometers away from us to the east, while the airport was to the west.
We drove hastily, in confusion, all the while ambulances faced us, rushing to Al-Furat district, where Abu-Salih, the gardener, lived. I have never seen such a number of ambulances before, as if it were a hot support line.
Al-Furat District was the nearest point to the airport, perhaps there was an Iraqi military force there, I don t know.
But it was a small district, it s houses too close and adjacent to each other, the streets narrow.
*****
Raed was driving fast in front of us, and so did we. All cars were confused, hurrying in all directions… the streets were full of people leaving their houses on foot, families of men, women, and children carrying small sacks with them, perhaps their clothes and valuables. Some of them waved to cars asking for someone to carry them far away from here.
But there weren't t any cars ready and willing to stop, everyone was running so quickly away from the near hell.
It was dusk, almost 6P.M.; the electricity went out before we left the house…on the streets you smell death and smoke, and panic.
The day of HELL, that s what I called that day.
----------------------------
Translated by May.
An ordinary gloomy morning …
After lunch, I said to Raed : lets go and visit your aunt, I want to check if she is safe, for I visited her a few days ago, but didn't t find her…
I knocked on her door, but no one answered…the neighbors said she went to Ramadi, a pick up came along, she took some mattresses and pillows, and some of her valuables. My other sister and brother came too, and they all went to Ramadi, where they rented a big house there, and when things would calm down, they would come back.
My heart sank, already feeling that some mishap is about to happen…
Why did they go to Ramadi?? Did they have any knowledge about what was going to happen?
There were no telephones, So I couldn't t call and ask for details, but I guessed they had heard some definite news, for my brothers were ex- medical doctors, with a lot of friends, and quite a good supply of sure news.
****
Ra aed said: Don t be sad, Mom, let me take you for a tour in Baghdad, didn't t you ask for it before the war? Come on, this is a chance…
I remained silent, having no mood to answer… Baghdad now is battered, what use is this tour???
It was along drive, which took more than one hour… the Sinak communications center was just a skeleton, and so was Al-M`a mmon center. Some official buildings and ministries were hit by missiles and the streets nearby had no windows left intact... There was a street in Karrada about which we laughed so much, calling it ( The Street of Scattered Glass), said that glass suppliers would gain a lot of money after the war.
Baghdad looked like a ghost city…silent streets, devoid of cars and people, with the evidence of the painful missiles bombardment…
That was all I saw in my tour…
****
We went back home at around 5 P.M., I was tired, in body and spirit…
I wished I could change my clothes, and rest for a while… I sat in the safe room, telling Az zam and the boys what we saw in our tour…I was sitting on the floor wearing the same clothes when we heard the noises of artillery bombardment near by…WHAT WAS THAT??? We all wondered, then asked Raed to go up to the roof and find out what was happening, perhaps the Iraqi defenders set up an artillery position close by…
Raed came down running, panting…artillery bombardment from the airport on the Al-Furat District opposite from us…shells falling on the streets, people running…we said: So the Americans got to the Baghdad Airport…and stared in each others pale faces…
We called a friend of Kahlid s who lives in our neighborhood, asking: What is happening?? An American attack, He said, we will leave the house now, you also should leave your house, the area is not safe..
We started to hear shouting voices, and the sirens of Ambulances…the artillery quieted down for a while, but the sirens had a terrible meaning at those minutes, one meaning, Death is close.
A war front suddenly burned up here, so near to us…where there are explosions, and casualties, and death.
I run upstairs and got a big suitcase, where we hastily put a pyjama for each of us. We closed down the suitcase, and the front door. I was going to die from panic once more, Ra aed says: Let's wait and see what happens. But I screamed: There is no time to think or wait, the American missiles are going to fall on our heads tonight, I won t stay here one minute….
Azzam s instructions were that Raed and Khalid should go in one car, and we follow in the other, fearing that if we leave a car in the garage it would be stolen…the situation wasn` t safe… Where would we go?? It was a fast question and a fast decision, the nearest relative s house being the boys uncle, in Saddam District.
We decided to spend the night there, a few kilometers away from us to the east, while the airport was to the west.
We drove hastily, in confusion, all the while ambulances faced us, rushing to Al-Furat district, where Abu-Salih, the gardener, lived. I have never seen such a number of ambulances before, as if it were a hot support line.
Al-Furat District was the nearest point to the airport, perhaps there was an Iraqi military force there, I don t know.
But it was a small district, it s houses too close and adjacent to each other, the streets narrow.
*****
Raed was driving fast in front of us, and so did we. All cars were confused, hurrying in all directions… the streets were full of people leaving their houses on foot, families of men, women, and children carrying small sacks with them, perhaps their clothes and valuables. Some of them waved to cars asking for someone to carry them far away from here.
But there weren't t any cars ready and willing to stop, everyone was running so quickly away from the near hell.
It was dusk, almost 6P.M.; the electricity went out before we left the house…on the streets you smell death and smoke, and panic.
The day of HELL, that s what I called that day.
----------------------------
Translated by May.
Monday, May 17, 2004
الأربعاء 2/4/003
الصحاف يعقد مؤتمرا صحفيا كل يوم...
اظنه مغفل كذاب...
الأخبار تقول انهم سيدخلون بغداد خلال 48 ساعة...
كلنا في حالة توتر وقلق...عندنا شعور باقتراب ساعة الصفر.
لكن ثمة أناس يقولون لا تخافوا صدام سيجعل بغداد مقبرة لهم...
كيف؟؟؟ بقيت أتساءل...
نحن لا نملك حتى طائرة تحوم في الجو أو تدافع...لا يوجد ثمة غطاء جوي للجيش..
وأظن أن الجيش ينسحق يوما بعد يوم , في مواقعه..
نحن في البيوت لا نعرف التفاصيل, لكننا لا نملك أملا بشيء حقيقي...
أخشى أن يسقط النظام وتأتي وجوه أخرى , لا نعرفها, لكنها ستستلم الحكم بعد صدام وبحماية أمريكا..
أحس تجاههم بالبغض وعدم الإحترام, نحن هنا نتعرض للموت كل يوم وكل ساعة
وهم ينتظرون ويحلمون بالصعود الى المناصب...
في داخلي ألم وغضب , لمايحدث لنا...
واشمئزاز من اولئك القادمين الجدد....الذين سيصعدون الى أعلى...فوق جثث العراقيين الذين سقطوا دونما اهتمام من أحد...
****
الخميس 3/4/003
الصباح كئيب عادي...
بعد الغداء قلت لرائد تعال نذهب لزيارة خالتك , اريد أن أطمئن عليها..زرتها قبل أيام ولم أجدها..
طرقت باب بيتها ولم يرد أحد...قال الجيران انها سافرت الى الرمادي, جاء بكب , وأخذت فراشا وبعض الأغراض الثمينة, وجاء أخوك وأختك الأخرى , وكلهم ذهبوا للرمادي , استأجروا بيتا كبيرا هناك , عندما تهدأ الأمور يعودون لبغداد....
غاص قلبي وأحسست ثمة مصيبة ستحدث..
لماذا ذهبوا للرمادي؟؟ هل عندهم أخبار عما سيحصل؟؟
لا توجد تلفونات لأتصل وأسأل لأعرف التفاصيل, لكني أظنهم سمعوا شيئا أكيدا, فأخوتي أطباء عسكريون سابقا, وعندهم الكثير من الأصدقاء والأخبار الأكيدة...
****
قال رائد لا تزعلي ماما , تعالي آخذك في جولة حول بغداد, الم تطلبي ذلك قبل الحرب؟ هيا ..هذه فرصة..
بقيت صامتة ولم أكن بمزاج للجواب...بغداد الآن محطمة..ما جدوى الجولة؟؟؟
كانت جولة طويلة استغرقت أكثر من ساعة...
بدالة السنك المحطمة والتي أصبحت مجرد هيكل...وكذلك بدالة المأمون..
وبعض المباني الحكومية والوزارات, مصابة بصواريخ , والشوارع القريبة منها لا يوجد شباك واحد سليم...
يوجد شارع في الكرادة ضحكنا عليه طويلا وسميناه , شارع الزجاج المتناثر...وقلنا أن محلات بيع الزجاج ستربح كثيرا بعد انتهاء الحرب .
بغداد كأنها مدينة أشباح ...شوارع صامته, وخالية من الناس والسيارات, وآثار قصف صاروخي مؤلم...
هذا كل ما رأيته من جولتي...
****
عدنا للبيت حوالي الخامسة مساء...كنت متعبة , جسميا ونفسيا...
وددت لو أغير ملابسي وأرتاح قليلا...جلست في الغرفة المحصنة أروي لعزام والأولاد ما رأينا في جولتنا..
كنت أجلس على الأرض ..بملابسي نفسها , حين سمعنا أصوات قصف مدفعي قريب...ما هذا ؟؟؟
كلنا تساءلنا...ثم طلبنا من رائد أن يطلع الى السطح ليرى ما يحدث , ربما المقاومة العراقية نصبت مدفعا قريبا..
نزل رائد يركض ويلهث...قصف مدفعي من المطار على حي الفرات المقابل لنا...قذائف تتساقط في الشوارع والناس يركضون...
ها قد وصل الأمريكان الى مطار بغداد...قلنا , وشحبت وجوهنا...وحدقنا بوجوه بعضنا...
اتصلنا بصديق لخالد يسكن في منطقتنا..ماذا يحدث؟؟؟ هجوم امريكي...قال , سنغادر البيت الآن , غادروا البيت,
المنطقة غير آمنه...أضاف..
وبدأنا نسمع أصوات صراخ...وسيارات اسعاف كثيرة يدوي صوتها , والمدفعية صمتت قليلا...لكن صفير سيارات الإسعاف له معنى رهيب في تلك اللحظات...معنى واحد...الموت قريب .
ثمة جبهة قتال اشتعلت فجأة هنا...بالقرب منا...حيث الإنفجارات والضحايا والموت.
ركضت الى الطابق العلوي وأحضرت حقيبة كبيرة, ووضعنا على عجل لكل واحد بجامة , وأقفلنا الحقيبة, وباب البيت, كنت سأموت من الرعب مرة أخرى, رائد يقول انتظروا لنرى, وأنا أصرخ لا وقت للتفكير أو الإنتظار ستسقط الصواريخ الأمريكية علينا هذه الليلة...لن أبقى هنا دقيقة واحدة...
وكانت تعليمات عزام أن يخرج رائد وخالد قبلنا بإحدى السيارات , ونلحقه بالأخرى, نخاف أن نترك سيارة في كراج البيت فتسرق...الوضع غير آمن..
أين نذهب؟؟كان السؤال سريعا والقرار كذلك, أقرب بيت من الأقارب , في حي صدام, يسكن عم الأولاد...قررنا التوجه للمبيت عندهم...وهم يبعدون كنا عدة كيلومترات...الى الشرق...والمطار الى الغرب .
نحن بسياراتنا نتوجه مسرعين مرتبكين, وتقابلنا سيارات الإسعاف متجهة صوب حي الفرات...حيث بيت أبو صالح الفلاح...كان ثمة عدد لم أر مثله من قبل لسيارات اسعاف...كأنه خط إمداد ساخن...
حي الفرات هو أقرب نقطة للمطار...ربما فيه قوة عسكرية عراقية..لا أدري , لكنه حي صغير وبيوته متقاربة
ومتلاصقة مع بعضها..والشوارع ضيقة .
*****
كان رائد يقود السيارة أمامنا, مسرعا ونحن كذلك, السيارات كلها مرتبكة ومسرعة في كل الإتجاهات...
الشوارع مليئة بالناس يمشون على الأقدام مغادرين بيوتهم , عوائل من رجال ونساء وأطفال يحملون أكياسا صغيرة معهم , ربما ملابس وأشياء ثمينة, ويقف بعضهم يؤشر للسيارات أن تقف أحداهن وتنقلهم الى مكان
بعيد من هنا,
لكن ليس ثمة سيارة واحدة مستعدة أن تقف ...الكل منطلق بسرعة هروبا من الجحيم القريب.
الوقت غروب , حوالي السادسة مساء, وانطفأت الكهرباء قبل خروجنا من البيت...تشم في الشوارع رائحة الموت والدخان والذعر...
يوم الجحيم...أسميت هذا اليوم .
*****
الجمعة 4/4/003
قضينا ليلة أمس في بيت عم الأولاد...بيتهم شقة صغيرة وضيقة , ولم نقدر أن ننام من شدة التوتر مما حدث معنا ,ومن صوت المقاومات العراقية, ظلت تقصف المطار حتى الصباح...
في الساعة الثانية عشرة ليلا, جاءت الأخبار في القنوات الفضائية , بيت أقاربنا عندهم مولدة وستلايت, والكهرباء ما زالت مقطوعة, والناس لا تعلم ما حدث لحد الآن ...
الأخبار تقول ان القوات الأمريكية حاولت دخول المطار, والقت قنابل عنقودية على منطقة حي الفرات , والضحايا حوالي 300 قتيل من العراقيين , بين مدنيين وعسكريين .
وقال الصحاف كالعادة, لا شيء مهم وسوف نطردهم ونحطمهم...
أدركت تماما إنه كذاب فاشل...وأن الهاوية التي قادونا اليها أصبحت قريبة...قريبة جدا.
كانت ليلة أمس أشد الليالي حزنا وخوفا وألما...
هل سنعود الى بيتنا ؟؟
تذكرت أبو صالح الذي هرب وعائلته من القصف الى الهياكل...
بدل الكارثة صارت اثنين...قصف ودمار ورعب, ثم خروج من البيت..
لم نجلب معنا هويات أو جوازات سفر أو نقود...تركنا كل شيء ..وخرجنا بسرعة..
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قبل الظهر...
قررنا أن نعود للبيت ونأتي بمزيد من الملابس والأغراض, ونذهب الى منطقة الدورة حيث بيت عم الأولاد الآخر...بيتهم أوسع ومنطقتهم أبعد..وربما أكثر أمنا...
خرجنا أنا وعزام ورائد, وأبقينا خالد وماجد عند بيت عمهم...قلنا لا نريد للعائلة أن تموت كلها دفعة واحدة..
وصلنا الى منطقتنا, وقد تحولت الى منطقة أشباح...الشوارع فارغة, والبيوت تبدو مهجورة من ساكنيها,
ثمة جنود يأخذون استراحة تحت مظلة , يتمددون على الرصيف ويتكلمون, القاذفات مرمية على الأرض بجوارهم, ومعها قواعدها...مررنا عنهم بسرعة , وأحسست بقلبي ينعصر ألما من أجلهم...هؤلاء ميتون لا محالة..قلت في نفسي...وحدقت في الشوارع الفارغة, ونظرت باتجاه المطار حيث يسود السكون المريب.
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وصلنا البيت , ونزلنا بسرعة, أخذنا ملابس أخرى, وأفرغنا محتويات القاصة في صندوق صغير..
وكنت مرتبكة, وخصوصا حين اشتعل صوت اطلاق نار قريب, فقلت لعزام , دعنا نخرج من البيت, لا أريد شيئا...
الكهرباء ما زالت مقطوعة...الثلاجات بدأت تذوب وتذهب برودتها...الأكل سوف يتلف..قال عزام..
فليذهب الى الجحيم...قلت في نفسي..
أقفلنا البيت مرة أخرى, وبقيت قلقة , هل سأعود مرة أخرى اليه؟؟ وهل سأجده سالما؟؟؟
لا أعرف..قررت أن أترك التفكير بهذا ..لأن الذي عندي يكفيني...
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أخذنا ماجد وخالد , وذهبنا جميعنا الى الدورة, بسيارتين, وضعنا كل واحدة في كراج جيران منفصل عن الآخر..معظم الناس هنا فقراء لا يملكون سيارات...والكراجات فارغة .
وضعنا أغراضنا في الطابق العلوي...ثمة غرفة فارغة .
كان شعورا بالحزن على فراق بيتنا , يخالطه شعور بالخجل من وجودنا هنا , سنكون عبئا عليهم ربما , ويفقدون الشعور بالراحة والحرية...لكنها الحرب,,,تسقط فيها كل الخصوصيات .
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الأخبار تقول ثمة معركة حاسمة في المطار...
وتقول إن الأمريكان انسحبوا الى منطقة قريبة منه...وقتال عنيف..
طوال الليل قصف من المضادات الأرضية العراقية الى المطار...
والطيران الأمريكي يحوم ويقصف , قريبا وبعيدا...
النوم مستحيل....
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السبت 5/4/003
الساعة الثامنةصباحا ...
صحونا مذعورين على صوت الرشاشات والقذائف والهليكوبتر...
ثمة معركة تدور في الخارج , ولا ندري ما الذي يحدث...
اختبأنا في المخزن , بين أكياس الطحين والرز...وقطع غيارات السيارات. المخزن صغير ولا يتسع للجميع..
الرجال خارج المخزن والنساء داخله...رعب لا يوصف...
في الشارع الرئيسي, القادم من الجنوب , ربما تقدم الجيش الأمريكي ودخل بغداد...
بعد حوالي نصف ساعة أو أكثر انتهت المعركة, وساد هدوء...
خرج الناس لى الشوارع وعادوا بالأخبار..
الجيش الأمريكي تراجع والشوارع تمتليء بجثث العراقيين. لم نفهم أبدا ما حدث و من ذا الذي سيشرح ؟؟
بعد الظهر ذهب عزام ورائد الى البيت لإحضار المولدة الصغيرة التي كانت للمحل...لا توجد كهرباء ولا تلفزيون ,نريد أن نعرف الأخبار...
عزام ورائد يقولون ان المنطق المجاورة للمطار فيها إخلاء من السكان , فقط آليات الجيش العراقي وجنود ينتشرون في الشوارع...والبيوت فارغة.
انقبض قلبي وأحسست بالهزيمة .
قال الصحاف ان القوات الأمريكية تراجعت ودمرناها...وأخذ الصحفيين في جولة الى شارع المطار...
وكان التلفزيون يبث أغاني فيها رجال يرقصون ويحملون أسلحة رشاشة , ويغنون ويؤيدون صدام حسين
بقيت مذهولة , لم أكن أرى التلفزيون العراقي في بيتنا , لكني هنا مضطرة لأنه لا يوجد ستلايت...
صفع وجهي هذا الإعلام الفاشل...وهذه الجماهير المخدوعة...
كان عندي شعور خفي أن هذه الأغاني , لن تبث ثانية...وانها ستكون جزءا من ماضي لن يعود...
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الوقت مساء...قلبي حزين
تذكرت الجنود العراقيين يفترشون الأرصفة, تحت الرصاص والخطر, والموت يقترب منهم..ويحيط بهم
ما ذنبهم؟؟؟
يدفعون ثمن سياسة رجل أحمق ؟؟؟
محرومون من بيوتهم وعوائلهم واحبائهم...يدافعون عن صدام أم عنا؟؟؟
نحن الذين نجلس في بيوتنا...نمضي الوقت كيفما كان , لتنتهي هذه اللعبة السخيفة .
أما اولئك, فهم في مطحنة الموت....
نزلت من عيني دموع صامته....
جنود مجهولون....من سيتذكرهم؟؟؟
تمنيت لو نشاركهم بطريقة ما للدفاع عن بغداد...لكن كيف ؟؟؟
لا أدري...أحسست بالذنب , والعجز عن فعل أي شيء...
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الأحد 6/4/003
يوم كئيب عادي...قصف شديد لمنطقة المطار..اعلان منع التجول من الساعة السادسة مساء الى السادسة صباحا..
لا يوجد كهرباء, نشغل المولدة قليلا في النهار أو الليل..لا يوجد وقود كافي للمولدة.
أفرغنا الثلاجات والمجمدات, كثير من الطعام تلف...
زادت كآبتي وأنا أفكر في بيتنا ..ماذا حصل للثلاجة والمجمدة هناك؟؟؟
وهل بقي البيت ولم تسقط عليه قذيفة؟؟
هل سنعود لبيتنا أم سنكون مثل الفلسطينيين الذين خرجوا من بيوتهم عام 48 وظنوا أنهم سيعودون بعد أسبوع...
ثم لم يعودوا أبدا...حتى أحفادهم ظلوا يحملون الحلم بالعودة...
أحلام بعيدة...
الماء ضعيف , وبصعوبة شديدة نجمع ما يكفي لغسيل الصحون وغسيل الملابس...
أغسل شعري على المغسلة, لا يوجد شامبو , ولا صابون , ولا كريم لليدين...
أستعمل شامبو عراقي , وكذلك الصابون الرخيص..وليس ثمة كريم أضعه على يدي في المساء..
نسيت كل أشيائي الخاصة في البيت.
افتقد بيتنا وحياتنا...وأحس بوحشة شديدة..
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الأثنين 7/4/003
هجوم صباحي مرة أخرى..الساعة السابعة صباحا
أصوات قصف ورشاشات وطائرات...
غبار شديد يلف المدينة..
تساءلت كيف حال بيتنا وقد تركنا الشبابيك غير مغلقة تماما...
بعد الظهر سمعنا في الأخبار عن ضربة بصواريخ تزن عدة أطنان خلف مطعم الساعة, لعدة منازل..
يظنون أن صدام حسين عنده إجتماع مع القيادة هناك...
ربما هي ضربة كارثية مثل ضربة ملجأ العامرية...وضحايا من المدنيين.
لا نخرج من البيت , ولا نعرف ماذا يجري...
كل الناس مختبئة في البيوت...
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الثلاثاء 8/4/003
الدنيا هدوء...كانت أول ليلة بدون قصف وطيران .
نمت منذ الساعة 12 ليلا الى السابعة صباحا..مستحيل , كيف هي الدنيا بدون حرب ؟؟
هدوء...وأصوات عصافير.
مساء الأمس , تذكرت أخواتي وصديقاتي وجاراتي, أين هم وماذا حل بهم؟؟
كأنني لست في بغداد..كأنني سافرت الى مكان بعيد..مع إن المسافات نفسها ولكننا لا نستطيع الإتصال أو الإطمئنان أو الوصول الى بعضنا...
تؤلمني هذه النهاية التي سيلقاها صدام ومن معه..لكني أعود وأفكر, لقد فعل كل الأشياء الغبية المؤذية ,
وأعطي مائة الف فرصة ليفعل ما هو أفضل, لكنه ظل يتصرف بطريقة قاسية مع الناس ولم يرأف بحالهم أو يحسن من معيشتهم...فقط فئة قليلة يستفيد منها يحيطها بالعناية ويعيشون حياة كريمة, وأكثرية الشعب بائسة
مسحوقة مظلومة...
ومن قال ان الذي سيأتي سيكون أحسن منه ؟؟؟
الأيام ستبدي ما هو مخفي ...
وكل شيء يحدث بإرادة الله ....
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يقولون توجد معارك عند منطقة القصر الجمهوري...
في المساء سمعنا الأخبار عن قصف القوات الأمريكية لفندق فلسطين ومكتب الجزيرة..
واستشهد عدد من الصحفيين والمراسلين والمصورين...
يوم حزين آخر....
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الأربعاء 9/4/003
معركة صباحية أخرى على الطريق القادم من اليوسفية الى بغداد , عند تقاطع الدورة...أصوات أسلحة متنوعة ..
ثم هدوء...
الجيران قالوا ثمة شهداء من المدنيين على الشارع العام قتلوا واحترقت سياراتهم..
القوات الأمريكية عندها تعليمات بإطلاق النار على أي هدف متحرك...
الناس يخافون الإقتراب لأخذ جثث اقاربهم, الشوارع غير آمنة, فجأة تظهر دورية أمريكية, وتشتعل النيران..
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الظهر خرجنا عزام وأنا لرؤية هل ثمة طريق للعودة الى بيتنا؟؟
الطريق الى الشارع العام فيه آثار معارك, كيبلات كهربائية مقطوعة وممدة على الشارع, من خطوط الكهرباء الرئيسية, الأرصفة مكسرة , والشوارع محفرة من اطلاقات النار من الهليكوبتر, آليات جيش عراقية محترقة وتقف على طرف الشارع, سيارات مدنية محترقة وفارغة, هنا تم سحب القتلى, لكن الشارع الأخر , الرئيسي المتجه للمطار, خطر ...خطر أياكم أن تقتربوا , اسمه شارع الموت...سيقتلون كل هدف يلوح أمامهم...
رجعنا الى بيت الأقارب...
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غبار وقصف وانقطاع كهرباء, وحبس في البيت ومنع تجول وبعد عن الأهل والأقارب...
ومستقبل غامض مجهول...
هذا مختصر الحال...
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الساعة الثالثة ظهرا...جاءت الدبابات الأمريكية , ودخلت الى الشوارع الفرعية, ووقفت على زاوية من شارع
السوق الشعبي, والعلم الأمريكي يرفرف, والناس يمشون ويرفعون أيديهم أو معهم أعلام بيضاء...هكذا سمعوا التعليمات...صار اشتباك بين القوات الأمريكية وبعض الحزبيين في المنطقة, ثم ساد الهدوء...
تجولت الدبابات في المنطقة, ودخل الناس في بيوتهم, وظلوا يراقبون من خلال الشبابيك أو على السطوح بحذر وخوف...
لم نفهم بعد ماذا حدث؟؟؟
وأين ذهب صدام حسين؟؟؟
رأيناه على شاشة التلفزيون يوم أمس وهم يحملونه ويصفقون له , كالأحمق...
أظن قد حانت نهايته...تذكرت الحلم الذي رأبته قبل الحرب...
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في المساء سمعنا اذاعة مونتي كارلو تقول ان الجماهير تجمعت في ساحة الفردوس وأسقطت تمثال صدام حسين..
لا أحد يصدق!!!
ما الذي يحدث ؟؟؟
وكيف حصلت هذه النهاية؟؟
وأين الجيش العراقي؟؟
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صعدت الى السطح...تسلقت السور وحدقت في بغداد من بعيد
الدخان الأسود اللعين قد توقف...
الدنيا بعد المغرب, السماء صافية...والهواء منعش...
وهدوء يلف المدينة بعد جحيم الحرب...
هل ستتوقف الحرب حقا؟؟
وهل سنعود لحياتنا من جديد؟؟؟
اتمنى ذلك من كل قلبي....
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الصحاف يعقد مؤتمرا صحفيا كل يوم...
اظنه مغفل كذاب...
الأخبار تقول انهم سيدخلون بغداد خلال 48 ساعة...
كلنا في حالة توتر وقلق...عندنا شعور باقتراب ساعة الصفر.
لكن ثمة أناس يقولون لا تخافوا صدام سيجعل بغداد مقبرة لهم...
كيف؟؟؟ بقيت أتساءل...
نحن لا نملك حتى طائرة تحوم في الجو أو تدافع...لا يوجد ثمة غطاء جوي للجيش..
وأظن أن الجيش ينسحق يوما بعد يوم , في مواقعه..
نحن في البيوت لا نعرف التفاصيل, لكننا لا نملك أملا بشيء حقيقي...
أخشى أن يسقط النظام وتأتي وجوه أخرى , لا نعرفها, لكنها ستستلم الحكم بعد صدام وبحماية أمريكا..
أحس تجاههم بالبغض وعدم الإحترام, نحن هنا نتعرض للموت كل يوم وكل ساعة
وهم ينتظرون ويحلمون بالصعود الى المناصب...
في داخلي ألم وغضب , لمايحدث لنا...
واشمئزاز من اولئك القادمين الجدد....الذين سيصعدون الى أعلى...فوق جثث العراقيين الذين سقطوا دونما اهتمام من أحد...
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الخميس 3/4/003
الصباح كئيب عادي...
بعد الغداء قلت لرائد تعال نذهب لزيارة خالتك , اريد أن أطمئن عليها..زرتها قبل أيام ولم أجدها..
طرقت باب بيتها ولم يرد أحد...قال الجيران انها سافرت الى الرمادي, جاء بكب , وأخذت فراشا وبعض الأغراض الثمينة, وجاء أخوك وأختك الأخرى , وكلهم ذهبوا للرمادي , استأجروا بيتا كبيرا هناك , عندما تهدأ الأمور يعودون لبغداد....
غاص قلبي وأحسست ثمة مصيبة ستحدث..
لماذا ذهبوا للرمادي؟؟ هل عندهم أخبار عما سيحصل؟؟
لا توجد تلفونات لأتصل وأسأل لأعرف التفاصيل, لكني أظنهم سمعوا شيئا أكيدا, فأخوتي أطباء عسكريون سابقا, وعندهم الكثير من الأصدقاء والأخبار الأكيدة...
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قال رائد لا تزعلي ماما , تعالي آخذك في جولة حول بغداد, الم تطلبي ذلك قبل الحرب؟ هيا ..هذه فرصة..
بقيت صامتة ولم أكن بمزاج للجواب...بغداد الآن محطمة..ما جدوى الجولة؟؟؟
كانت جولة طويلة استغرقت أكثر من ساعة...
بدالة السنك المحطمة والتي أصبحت مجرد هيكل...وكذلك بدالة المأمون..
وبعض المباني الحكومية والوزارات, مصابة بصواريخ , والشوارع القريبة منها لا يوجد شباك واحد سليم...
يوجد شارع في الكرادة ضحكنا عليه طويلا وسميناه , شارع الزجاج المتناثر...وقلنا أن محلات بيع الزجاج ستربح كثيرا بعد انتهاء الحرب .
بغداد كأنها مدينة أشباح ...شوارع صامته, وخالية من الناس والسيارات, وآثار قصف صاروخي مؤلم...
هذا كل ما رأيته من جولتي...
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عدنا للبيت حوالي الخامسة مساء...كنت متعبة , جسميا ونفسيا...
وددت لو أغير ملابسي وأرتاح قليلا...جلست في الغرفة المحصنة أروي لعزام والأولاد ما رأينا في جولتنا..
كنت أجلس على الأرض ..بملابسي نفسها , حين سمعنا أصوات قصف مدفعي قريب...ما هذا ؟؟؟
كلنا تساءلنا...ثم طلبنا من رائد أن يطلع الى السطح ليرى ما يحدث , ربما المقاومة العراقية نصبت مدفعا قريبا..
نزل رائد يركض ويلهث...قصف مدفعي من المطار على حي الفرات المقابل لنا...قذائف تتساقط في الشوارع والناس يركضون...
ها قد وصل الأمريكان الى مطار بغداد...قلنا , وشحبت وجوهنا...وحدقنا بوجوه بعضنا...
اتصلنا بصديق لخالد يسكن في منطقتنا..ماذا يحدث؟؟؟ هجوم امريكي...قال , سنغادر البيت الآن , غادروا البيت,
المنطقة غير آمنه...أضاف..
وبدأنا نسمع أصوات صراخ...وسيارات اسعاف كثيرة يدوي صوتها , والمدفعية صمتت قليلا...لكن صفير سيارات الإسعاف له معنى رهيب في تلك اللحظات...معنى واحد...الموت قريب .
ثمة جبهة قتال اشتعلت فجأة هنا...بالقرب منا...حيث الإنفجارات والضحايا والموت.
ركضت الى الطابق العلوي وأحضرت حقيبة كبيرة, ووضعنا على عجل لكل واحد بجامة , وأقفلنا الحقيبة, وباب البيت, كنت سأموت من الرعب مرة أخرى, رائد يقول انتظروا لنرى, وأنا أصرخ لا وقت للتفكير أو الإنتظار ستسقط الصواريخ الأمريكية علينا هذه الليلة...لن أبقى هنا دقيقة واحدة...
وكانت تعليمات عزام أن يخرج رائد وخالد قبلنا بإحدى السيارات , ونلحقه بالأخرى, نخاف أن نترك سيارة في كراج البيت فتسرق...الوضع غير آمن..
أين نذهب؟؟كان السؤال سريعا والقرار كذلك, أقرب بيت من الأقارب , في حي صدام, يسكن عم الأولاد...قررنا التوجه للمبيت عندهم...وهم يبعدون كنا عدة كيلومترات...الى الشرق...والمطار الى الغرب .
نحن بسياراتنا نتوجه مسرعين مرتبكين, وتقابلنا سيارات الإسعاف متجهة صوب حي الفرات...حيث بيت أبو صالح الفلاح...كان ثمة عدد لم أر مثله من قبل لسيارات اسعاف...كأنه خط إمداد ساخن...
حي الفرات هو أقرب نقطة للمطار...ربما فيه قوة عسكرية عراقية..لا أدري , لكنه حي صغير وبيوته متقاربة
ومتلاصقة مع بعضها..والشوارع ضيقة .
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كان رائد يقود السيارة أمامنا, مسرعا ونحن كذلك, السيارات كلها مرتبكة ومسرعة في كل الإتجاهات...
الشوارع مليئة بالناس يمشون على الأقدام مغادرين بيوتهم , عوائل من رجال ونساء وأطفال يحملون أكياسا صغيرة معهم , ربما ملابس وأشياء ثمينة, ويقف بعضهم يؤشر للسيارات أن تقف أحداهن وتنقلهم الى مكان
بعيد من هنا,
لكن ليس ثمة سيارة واحدة مستعدة أن تقف ...الكل منطلق بسرعة هروبا من الجحيم القريب.
الوقت غروب , حوالي السادسة مساء, وانطفأت الكهرباء قبل خروجنا من البيت...تشم في الشوارع رائحة الموت والدخان والذعر...
يوم الجحيم...أسميت هذا اليوم .
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الجمعة 4/4/003
قضينا ليلة أمس في بيت عم الأولاد...بيتهم شقة صغيرة وضيقة , ولم نقدر أن ننام من شدة التوتر مما حدث معنا ,ومن صوت المقاومات العراقية, ظلت تقصف المطار حتى الصباح...
في الساعة الثانية عشرة ليلا, جاءت الأخبار في القنوات الفضائية , بيت أقاربنا عندهم مولدة وستلايت, والكهرباء ما زالت مقطوعة, والناس لا تعلم ما حدث لحد الآن ...
الأخبار تقول ان القوات الأمريكية حاولت دخول المطار, والقت قنابل عنقودية على منطقة حي الفرات , والضحايا حوالي 300 قتيل من العراقيين , بين مدنيين وعسكريين .
وقال الصحاف كالعادة, لا شيء مهم وسوف نطردهم ونحطمهم...
أدركت تماما إنه كذاب فاشل...وأن الهاوية التي قادونا اليها أصبحت قريبة...قريبة جدا.
كانت ليلة أمس أشد الليالي حزنا وخوفا وألما...
هل سنعود الى بيتنا ؟؟
تذكرت أبو صالح الذي هرب وعائلته من القصف الى الهياكل...
بدل الكارثة صارت اثنين...قصف ودمار ورعب, ثم خروج من البيت..
لم نجلب معنا هويات أو جوازات سفر أو نقود...تركنا كل شيء ..وخرجنا بسرعة..
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قبل الظهر...
قررنا أن نعود للبيت ونأتي بمزيد من الملابس والأغراض, ونذهب الى منطقة الدورة حيث بيت عم الأولاد الآخر...بيتهم أوسع ومنطقتهم أبعد..وربما أكثر أمنا...
خرجنا أنا وعزام ورائد, وأبقينا خالد وماجد عند بيت عمهم...قلنا لا نريد للعائلة أن تموت كلها دفعة واحدة..
وصلنا الى منطقتنا, وقد تحولت الى منطقة أشباح...الشوارع فارغة, والبيوت تبدو مهجورة من ساكنيها,
ثمة جنود يأخذون استراحة تحت مظلة , يتمددون على الرصيف ويتكلمون, القاذفات مرمية على الأرض بجوارهم, ومعها قواعدها...مررنا عنهم بسرعة , وأحسست بقلبي ينعصر ألما من أجلهم...هؤلاء ميتون لا محالة..قلت في نفسي...وحدقت في الشوارع الفارغة, ونظرت باتجاه المطار حيث يسود السكون المريب.
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وصلنا البيت , ونزلنا بسرعة, أخذنا ملابس أخرى, وأفرغنا محتويات القاصة في صندوق صغير..
وكنت مرتبكة, وخصوصا حين اشتعل صوت اطلاق نار قريب, فقلت لعزام , دعنا نخرج من البيت, لا أريد شيئا...
الكهرباء ما زالت مقطوعة...الثلاجات بدأت تذوب وتذهب برودتها...الأكل سوف يتلف..قال عزام..
فليذهب الى الجحيم...قلت في نفسي..
أقفلنا البيت مرة أخرى, وبقيت قلقة , هل سأعود مرة أخرى اليه؟؟ وهل سأجده سالما؟؟؟
لا أعرف..قررت أن أترك التفكير بهذا ..لأن الذي عندي يكفيني...
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أخذنا ماجد وخالد , وذهبنا جميعنا الى الدورة, بسيارتين, وضعنا كل واحدة في كراج جيران منفصل عن الآخر..معظم الناس هنا فقراء لا يملكون سيارات...والكراجات فارغة .
وضعنا أغراضنا في الطابق العلوي...ثمة غرفة فارغة .
كان شعورا بالحزن على فراق بيتنا , يخالطه شعور بالخجل من وجودنا هنا , سنكون عبئا عليهم ربما , ويفقدون الشعور بالراحة والحرية...لكنها الحرب,,,تسقط فيها كل الخصوصيات .
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الأخبار تقول ثمة معركة حاسمة في المطار...
وتقول إن الأمريكان انسحبوا الى منطقة قريبة منه...وقتال عنيف..
طوال الليل قصف من المضادات الأرضية العراقية الى المطار...
والطيران الأمريكي يحوم ويقصف , قريبا وبعيدا...
النوم مستحيل....
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السبت 5/4/003
الساعة الثامنةصباحا ...
صحونا مذعورين على صوت الرشاشات والقذائف والهليكوبتر...
ثمة معركة تدور في الخارج , ولا ندري ما الذي يحدث...
اختبأنا في المخزن , بين أكياس الطحين والرز...وقطع غيارات السيارات. المخزن صغير ولا يتسع للجميع..
الرجال خارج المخزن والنساء داخله...رعب لا يوصف...
في الشارع الرئيسي, القادم من الجنوب , ربما تقدم الجيش الأمريكي ودخل بغداد...
بعد حوالي نصف ساعة أو أكثر انتهت المعركة, وساد هدوء...
خرج الناس لى الشوارع وعادوا بالأخبار..
الجيش الأمريكي تراجع والشوارع تمتليء بجثث العراقيين. لم نفهم أبدا ما حدث و من ذا الذي سيشرح ؟؟
بعد الظهر ذهب عزام ورائد الى البيت لإحضار المولدة الصغيرة التي كانت للمحل...لا توجد كهرباء ولا تلفزيون ,نريد أن نعرف الأخبار...
عزام ورائد يقولون ان المنطق المجاورة للمطار فيها إخلاء من السكان , فقط آليات الجيش العراقي وجنود ينتشرون في الشوارع...والبيوت فارغة.
انقبض قلبي وأحسست بالهزيمة .
قال الصحاف ان القوات الأمريكية تراجعت ودمرناها...وأخذ الصحفيين في جولة الى شارع المطار...
وكان التلفزيون يبث أغاني فيها رجال يرقصون ويحملون أسلحة رشاشة , ويغنون ويؤيدون صدام حسين
بقيت مذهولة , لم أكن أرى التلفزيون العراقي في بيتنا , لكني هنا مضطرة لأنه لا يوجد ستلايت...
صفع وجهي هذا الإعلام الفاشل...وهذه الجماهير المخدوعة...
كان عندي شعور خفي أن هذه الأغاني , لن تبث ثانية...وانها ستكون جزءا من ماضي لن يعود...
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الوقت مساء...قلبي حزين
تذكرت الجنود العراقيين يفترشون الأرصفة, تحت الرصاص والخطر, والموت يقترب منهم..ويحيط بهم
ما ذنبهم؟؟؟
يدفعون ثمن سياسة رجل أحمق ؟؟؟
محرومون من بيوتهم وعوائلهم واحبائهم...يدافعون عن صدام أم عنا؟؟؟
نحن الذين نجلس في بيوتنا...نمضي الوقت كيفما كان , لتنتهي هذه اللعبة السخيفة .
أما اولئك, فهم في مطحنة الموت....
نزلت من عيني دموع صامته....
جنود مجهولون....من سيتذكرهم؟؟؟
تمنيت لو نشاركهم بطريقة ما للدفاع عن بغداد...لكن كيف ؟؟؟
لا أدري...أحسست بالذنب , والعجز عن فعل أي شيء...
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الأحد 6/4/003
يوم كئيب عادي...قصف شديد لمنطقة المطار..اعلان منع التجول من الساعة السادسة مساء الى السادسة صباحا..
لا يوجد كهرباء, نشغل المولدة قليلا في النهار أو الليل..لا يوجد وقود كافي للمولدة.
أفرغنا الثلاجات والمجمدات, كثير من الطعام تلف...
زادت كآبتي وأنا أفكر في بيتنا ..ماذا حصل للثلاجة والمجمدة هناك؟؟؟
وهل بقي البيت ولم تسقط عليه قذيفة؟؟
هل سنعود لبيتنا أم سنكون مثل الفلسطينيين الذين خرجوا من بيوتهم عام 48 وظنوا أنهم سيعودون بعد أسبوع...
ثم لم يعودوا أبدا...حتى أحفادهم ظلوا يحملون الحلم بالعودة...
أحلام بعيدة...
الماء ضعيف , وبصعوبة شديدة نجمع ما يكفي لغسيل الصحون وغسيل الملابس...
أغسل شعري على المغسلة, لا يوجد شامبو , ولا صابون , ولا كريم لليدين...
أستعمل شامبو عراقي , وكذلك الصابون الرخيص..وليس ثمة كريم أضعه على يدي في المساء..
نسيت كل أشيائي الخاصة في البيت.
افتقد بيتنا وحياتنا...وأحس بوحشة شديدة..
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الأثنين 7/4/003
هجوم صباحي مرة أخرى..الساعة السابعة صباحا
أصوات قصف ورشاشات وطائرات...
غبار شديد يلف المدينة..
تساءلت كيف حال بيتنا وقد تركنا الشبابيك غير مغلقة تماما...
بعد الظهر سمعنا في الأخبار عن ضربة بصواريخ تزن عدة أطنان خلف مطعم الساعة, لعدة منازل..
يظنون أن صدام حسين عنده إجتماع مع القيادة هناك...
ربما هي ضربة كارثية مثل ضربة ملجأ العامرية...وضحايا من المدنيين.
لا نخرج من البيت , ولا نعرف ماذا يجري...
كل الناس مختبئة في البيوت...
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الثلاثاء 8/4/003
الدنيا هدوء...كانت أول ليلة بدون قصف وطيران .
نمت منذ الساعة 12 ليلا الى السابعة صباحا..مستحيل , كيف هي الدنيا بدون حرب ؟؟
هدوء...وأصوات عصافير.
مساء الأمس , تذكرت أخواتي وصديقاتي وجاراتي, أين هم وماذا حل بهم؟؟
كأنني لست في بغداد..كأنني سافرت الى مكان بعيد..مع إن المسافات نفسها ولكننا لا نستطيع الإتصال أو الإطمئنان أو الوصول الى بعضنا...
تؤلمني هذه النهاية التي سيلقاها صدام ومن معه..لكني أعود وأفكر, لقد فعل كل الأشياء الغبية المؤذية ,
وأعطي مائة الف فرصة ليفعل ما هو أفضل, لكنه ظل يتصرف بطريقة قاسية مع الناس ولم يرأف بحالهم أو يحسن من معيشتهم...فقط فئة قليلة يستفيد منها يحيطها بالعناية ويعيشون حياة كريمة, وأكثرية الشعب بائسة
مسحوقة مظلومة...
ومن قال ان الذي سيأتي سيكون أحسن منه ؟؟؟
الأيام ستبدي ما هو مخفي ...
وكل شيء يحدث بإرادة الله ....
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يقولون توجد معارك عند منطقة القصر الجمهوري...
في المساء سمعنا الأخبار عن قصف القوات الأمريكية لفندق فلسطين ومكتب الجزيرة..
واستشهد عدد من الصحفيين والمراسلين والمصورين...
يوم حزين آخر....
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الأربعاء 9/4/003
معركة صباحية أخرى على الطريق القادم من اليوسفية الى بغداد , عند تقاطع الدورة...أصوات أسلحة متنوعة ..
ثم هدوء...
الجيران قالوا ثمة شهداء من المدنيين على الشارع العام قتلوا واحترقت سياراتهم..
القوات الأمريكية عندها تعليمات بإطلاق النار على أي هدف متحرك...
الناس يخافون الإقتراب لأخذ جثث اقاربهم, الشوارع غير آمنة, فجأة تظهر دورية أمريكية, وتشتعل النيران..
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الظهر خرجنا عزام وأنا لرؤية هل ثمة طريق للعودة الى بيتنا؟؟
الطريق الى الشارع العام فيه آثار معارك, كيبلات كهربائية مقطوعة وممدة على الشارع, من خطوط الكهرباء الرئيسية, الأرصفة مكسرة , والشوارع محفرة من اطلاقات النار من الهليكوبتر, آليات جيش عراقية محترقة وتقف على طرف الشارع, سيارات مدنية محترقة وفارغة, هنا تم سحب القتلى, لكن الشارع الأخر , الرئيسي المتجه للمطار, خطر ...خطر أياكم أن تقتربوا , اسمه شارع الموت...سيقتلون كل هدف يلوح أمامهم...
رجعنا الى بيت الأقارب...
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غبار وقصف وانقطاع كهرباء, وحبس في البيت ومنع تجول وبعد عن الأهل والأقارب...
ومستقبل غامض مجهول...
هذا مختصر الحال...
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الساعة الثالثة ظهرا...جاءت الدبابات الأمريكية , ودخلت الى الشوارع الفرعية, ووقفت على زاوية من شارع
السوق الشعبي, والعلم الأمريكي يرفرف, والناس يمشون ويرفعون أيديهم أو معهم أعلام بيضاء...هكذا سمعوا التعليمات...صار اشتباك بين القوات الأمريكية وبعض الحزبيين في المنطقة, ثم ساد الهدوء...
تجولت الدبابات في المنطقة, ودخل الناس في بيوتهم, وظلوا يراقبون من خلال الشبابيك أو على السطوح بحذر وخوف...
لم نفهم بعد ماذا حدث؟؟؟
وأين ذهب صدام حسين؟؟؟
رأيناه على شاشة التلفزيون يوم أمس وهم يحملونه ويصفقون له , كالأحمق...
أظن قد حانت نهايته...تذكرت الحلم الذي رأبته قبل الحرب...
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في المساء سمعنا اذاعة مونتي كارلو تقول ان الجماهير تجمعت في ساحة الفردوس وأسقطت تمثال صدام حسين..
لا أحد يصدق!!!
ما الذي يحدث ؟؟؟
وكيف حصلت هذه النهاية؟؟
وأين الجيش العراقي؟؟
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صعدت الى السطح...تسلقت السور وحدقت في بغداد من بعيد
الدخان الأسود اللعين قد توقف...
الدنيا بعد المغرب, السماء صافية...والهواء منعش...
وهدوء يلف المدينة بعد جحيم الحرب...
هل ستتوقف الحرب حقا؟؟
وهل سنعود لحياتنا من جديد؟؟؟
اتمنى ذلك من كل قلبي....
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Friday, April 02, 2004
Wednesday, the 2nd of April, 2003
AsSahhaf holds a press conference everyday…
I believe he is either a liar, or a moron.
News say they are going to enter Baghdad in 48 hours.
Everyone is on the edge; nervous and anxious. We feel the zero hour is very near.
Some people say we shouldn’t be afraid, Saddam is going to let Baghdad be their graveyard.
How??? I wonder all the time…
We don’t even have a single air fighter flying in the sky… the army is without any air cover…
I know that the army is being destroyed daily, in his positions.
We, staying here in our homes, don’t have full details about what’s happening out there…
But most of the people don’t have a real hope…
I feel afraid that after this regime fall, other unknown faces ill come and obey the American requests.
I don’t like them at all, those who are waiting for their new authorities, while we are facing death and fear every minute.
I have great anger and pain inside me, for what is happening…
And I feel disgusted of those coming from outside, to reach to their high positions, climbing on the dead bodies of Iraqis whom were killed without any one even noticing that.
AsSahhaf holds a press conference everyday…
I believe he is either a liar, or a moron.
News say they are going to enter Baghdad in 48 hours.
Everyone is on the edge; nervous and anxious. We feel the zero hour is very near.
Some people say we shouldn’t be afraid, Saddam is going to let Baghdad be their graveyard.
How??? I wonder all the time…
We don’t even have a single air fighter flying in the sky… the army is without any air cover…
I know that the army is being destroyed daily, in his positions.
We, staying here in our homes, don’t have full details about what’s happening out there…
But most of the people don’t have a real hope…
I feel afraid that after this regime fall, other unknown faces ill come and obey the American requests.
I don’t like them at all, those who are waiting for their new authorities, while we are facing death and fear every minute.
I have great anger and pain inside me, for what is happening…
And I feel disgusted of those coming from outside, to reach to their high positions, climbing on the dead bodies of Iraqis whom were killed without any one even noticing that.
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Tuesday, the 1st of April, 2003
I removed the cover off my car, cleaned it from all the dust covering it.
Raed and Azzam went to take a look on our showrooms and office.
It was very quiet outside, so I decided to go in a fast tour and say hello to my sisters and brothers.
All the telephone exchange buildings were bombed, and I didn’t hear from anyone in the last days.
First, I went to visit my sister at Saydyya, but she wasn’t at her house. Neighbors said that she is fine, just went out shopping some minutes ago.
Her husband is living abroad, and I feel sad for her situation, living alone with her daughters in these tough days.
Her house is far away from ours too…
I felt disappointed a bit; I really wanted to see her.
My next stop was my youngest sister’s house, she was with her daughters, and the guard was in the garden. Her husband is a general manager in the ministry of health, and she rarely sees him since the break out of the war. He comes back home for some minutes to change his clothes, and go back to the ministry. Her face was full of red spots, “because of the stress”, she said.
I felt sad; everyone has a pale face, and scared heart. “We sleep in our neighbor’s house”, she said. “The girls and I feel afraid to sleep alone, the house shakes all the night long. The guard is taking care of our house”.
I took a look around her house; she put sheets and covers all over the furniture, just as if it was an abandoned place. I remembered the time all of my sisters used to come and sit here, and laugh… that was before the war.
This war is tearing us apart, my God curse every stupid person participated in starting this war.
*****
I went back home quickly, before the night attacks begin.
Baghdad looked sad and torn apart, pale with all of that sadness, dust and stupid black smoke. The look of Baghdad broke my heart, I felt it was complaining through her silence. Baghdad… my old love… I cried and remembered my mother, thank God she died and didn’t see these black days…
*****
I didn’t like those visits, I wish I didn’t leave hour home from the first time… all what I got is more depression and sadness.
At the night, bombing was strong, but yet far.
Sleeping is impossible.
I removed the cover off my car, cleaned it from all the dust covering it.
Raed and Azzam went to take a look on our showrooms and office.
It was very quiet outside, so I decided to go in a fast tour and say hello to my sisters and brothers.
All the telephone exchange buildings were bombed, and I didn’t hear from anyone in the last days.
First, I went to visit my sister at Saydyya, but she wasn’t at her house. Neighbors said that she is fine, just went out shopping some minutes ago.
Her husband is living abroad, and I feel sad for her situation, living alone with her daughters in these tough days.
Her house is far away from ours too…
I felt disappointed a bit; I really wanted to see her.
My next stop was my youngest sister’s house, she was with her daughters, and the guard was in the garden. Her husband is a general manager in the ministry of health, and she rarely sees him since the break out of the war. He comes back home for some minutes to change his clothes, and go back to the ministry. Her face was full of red spots, “because of the stress”, she said.
I felt sad; everyone has a pale face, and scared heart. “We sleep in our neighbor’s house”, she said. “The girls and I feel afraid to sleep alone, the house shakes all the night long. The guard is taking care of our house”.
I took a look around her house; she put sheets and covers all over the furniture, just as if it was an abandoned place. I remembered the time all of my sisters used to come and sit here, and laugh… that was before the war.
This war is tearing us apart, my God curse every stupid person participated in starting this war.
*****
I went back home quickly, before the night attacks begin.
Baghdad looked sad and torn apart, pale with all of that sadness, dust and stupid black smoke. The look of Baghdad broke my heart, I felt it was complaining through her silence. Baghdad… my old love… I cried and remembered my mother, thank God she died and didn’t see these black days…
*****
I didn’t like those visits, I wish I didn’t leave hour home from the first time… all what I got is more depression and sadness.
At the night, bombing was strong, but yet far.
Sleeping is impossible.
Monday, March 31, 2003
Monday, the 31st of March 2003
Dull frustrating morning after a sleepless night, all what I could feel is explosions since the sunrise.
I tried to go back and sleep a bit at midday. The headache was really painful.
Our door bell was unexpectedly ringing!
A Red Crescent car parking outside our door, and a group of young men and women came out of the car.
I remembered them when they entered our guest room.
They came before the war asking for some water purification units for hospitals, and they took some catalogues and price lists at that time…
Now they came to buy some units.
We had some filtration units in our house, under the stairs.
We wrote the contract between us and them, and drank some coffee.
An Italian NGO was with them, Un Ponte Per, as a funding agency for the project.
We discussed the currant events, and criticized Bush and his administration.
I don’t think he cares for our critic.
We are going through this Hell alone.
Dull frustrating morning after a sleepless night, all what I could feel is explosions since the sunrise.
I tried to go back and sleep a bit at midday. The headache was really painful.
Our door bell was unexpectedly ringing!
A Red Crescent car parking outside our door, and a group of young men and women came out of the car.
I remembered them when they entered our guest room.
They came before the war asking for some water purification units for hospitals, and they took some catalogues and price lists at that time…
Now they came to buy some units.
We had some filtration units in our house, under the stairs.
We wrote the contract between us and them, and drank some coffee.
An Italian NGO was with them, Un Ponte Per, as a funding agency for the project.
We discussed the currant events, and criticized Bush and his administration.
I don’t think he cares for our critic.
We are going through this Hell alone.
Sunday, March 30, 2003
Sunday, the 30th of March 2003
Extremely strong night attacks…
Our house was shaking all the night, I don’t know what were they boming. In the early morning the glass our master bedroom was broken. Fortunately, no one is sleeping there now.
I felt the pain squeezing my heart, and my face became pale. I went with Azzam to clean and collets the glass fragments… and we put a wood layer instead of the broken glass.
The situation of our bed room is very sad, first it was abandoned, and now with broken windows.
Every night we go to sleep after dinner, and because the whole family is sleeping at the same room now, we spend long time in speaking and laughing in the dark…
At around midnight I hear the siren and start feeling nervous. I hide myself in the bed and everyone laughs and makes jokes on me… I just hate to hear the sound of air fighters, but Azzam keep on teasing me, “ here they came hide hide” he says and laughs.
All what I can do is read some Quraan, and ask god to let the pilot go away without killing us.
I spend the night trying to sleep between explosions! I don’t even think I can really sleep…
I started feeling really afraid to get some kind of disease because of my continuous horror.
*****
At ten in the morning, Abu Saleh the gardener came… to take his salary…
We didn’t see him since before the war started, I like to see him very much, he is a polite old poor man, he has a big family that share the house with his brother’s big family… I think they have more than 15 people living in that house.
We invited him to drink Chai (Iraqi tea) with us in the kitchen.
What’s up? What are you and your big family doing?
He seemed to be sad and depressed.
Very bad news, he said.
Some moments of silence gave us the chance to taste the Chai.
What’s wrong Abu Saleh? What happened?
Abu Saleh and his big extended family lives in a near area, there is a wide street dividing our neighborhoods, but their district is a very poor one, most of its residence work either as solders, or ad farmers and gardeners. It’s call Al-Furat (the Euphrates) district. Everyone was expecting that Al-Furat ould be a target for bombing, it is very near to a presidential palace, to the National Guard center, and to the airport.
“We left our house”, he said. “They attacked the republican guard center yesterday’s night, and all of your houses were affected. I heard about window glasses that fall down because of bombing, but did you imagine seeing broken doors?! Our doors were pulled out of the walls because of yesterday’s attacks!!”
“Women were screaming and crying… they were shaking like leaves of a palm tree… and they were begging me to take them out of this hell. Take us to any other place they said”
“Believe it or not Abu Raed, I went out in the middle of the night… brought a truck and put all the girls and women inside it… all of us… the old and the young…”
Azzam and I were shocked!
“We couldn’t even take anything with us, I just asked the soldiers to take care for our house”
Where did you go? I asked.
“In some skeleton of a house at Radwanyya”
We felt very bad for what happened to the old Abu Saleh.
How can we help you? We were wondering.
He asked us whether we had an extra oil lamp, they were living in darkness.
We gave him one of our two gasoline lamps, and begged him to accept some money too… “Buy some vegetables for your family”, I said.
We walked with him to the man door, and he promised to come back later this week to let us know what happened with them.
I felt really sad; I thanked God we are still in our home.
I wondered… how many other families faced the same circumstance?
Only God knows, and only him can protect us with his mercy.
Extremely strong night attacks…
Our house was shaking all the night, I don’t know what were they boming. In the early morning the glass our master bedroom was broken. Fortunately, no one is sleeping there now.
I felt the pain squeezing my heart, and my face became pale. I went with Azzam to clean and collets the glass fragments… and we put a wood layer instead of the broken glass.
The situation of our bed room is very sad, first it was abandoned, and now with broken windows.
Every night we go to sleep after dinner, and because the whole family is sleeping at the same room now, we spend long time in speaking and laughing in the dark…
At around midnight I hear the siren and start feeling nervous. I hide myself in the bed and everyone laughs and makes jokes on me… I just hate to hear the sound of air fighters, but Azzam keep on teasing me, “ here they came hide hide” he says and laughs.
All what I can do is read some Quraan, and ask god to let the pilot go away without killing us.
I spend the night trying to sleep between explosions! I don’t even think I can really sleep…
I started feeling really afraid to get some kind of disease because of my continuous horror.
*****
At ten in the morning, Abu Saleh the gardener came… to take his salary…
We didn’t see him since before the war started, I like to see him very much, he is a polite old poor man, he has a big family that share the house with his brother’s big family… I think they have more than 15 people living in that house.
We invited him to drink Chai (Iraqi tea) with us in the kitchen.
What’s up? What are you and your big family doing?
He seemed to be sad and depressed.
Very bad news, he said.
Some moments of silence gave us the chance to taste the Chai.
What’s wrong Abu Saleh? What happened?
Abu Saleh and his big extended family lives in a near area, there is a wide street dividing our neighborhoods, but their district is a very poor one, most of its residence work either as solders, or ad farmers and gardeners. It’s call Al-Furat (the Euphrates) district. Everyone was expecting that Al-Furat ould be a target for bombing, it is very near to a presidential palace, to the National Guard center, and to the airport.
“We left our house”, he said. “They attacked the republican guard center yesterday’s night, and all of your houses were affected. I heard about window glasses that fall down because of bombing, but did you imagine seeing broken doors?! Our doors were pulled out of the walls because of yesterday’s attacks!!”
“Women were screaming and crying… they were shaking like leaves of a palm tree… and they were begging me to take them out of this hell. Take us to any other place they said”
“Believe it or not Abu Raed, I went out in the middle of the night… brought a truck and put all the girls and women inside it… all of us… the old and the young…”
Azzam and I were shocked!
“We couldn’t even take anything with us, I just asked the soldiers to take care for our house”
Where did you go? I asked.
“In some skeleton of a house at Radwanyya”
We felt very bad for what happened to the old Abu Saleh.
How can we help you? We were wondering.
He asked us whether we had an extra oil lamp, they were living in darkness.
We gave him one of our two gasoline lamps, and begged him to accept some money too… “Buy some vegetables for your family”, I said.
We walked with him to the man door, and he promised to come back later this week to let us know what happened with them.
I felt really sad; I thanked God we are still in our home.
I wondered… how many other families faced the same circumstance?
Only God knows, and only him can protect us with his mercy.
Saturday, March 29, 2003
Saturday, the 29th of March 2003
Loud noise of air fighters from seven in the morning,
Explosions are happening far away, but a couple of them happened very near…
I’m totally terrified, my nerves are tired… any thing scares me and I’m shaking all the time…
*****
It’s ten in the evening now, and we are enjoying a quiet sky.
It was really calm, unless some fast cars driving through our street… and some far away dogs barking.
I spent the evening with Majid, reading some Shakespeare plays.
My heart is really sad, because of the casualties of yesterday bombing at Sho`la.
And I’m feeling afraid of what might happen to us while we are in our houses, I think everyone thinks everyday might be his last one.
They broadcasted news about a suicide bombing at Najaf…
We put a large plan of Iraq in our sitting room, so that we can trace where the Americans reached day by day. And where from are they going to enter Baghdad.
I was wondering… what ware we going to see first?
Tanks? Soldiers? Or helicopters?
Loud noise of air fighters from seven in the morning,
Explosions are happening far away, but a couple of them happened very near…
I’m totally terrified, my nerves are tired… any thing scares me and I’m shaking all the time…
*****
It’s ten in the evening now, and we are enjoying a quiet sky.
It was really calm, unless some fast cars driving through our street… and some far away dogs barking.
I spent the evening with Majid, reading some Shakespeare plays.
My heart is really sad, because of the casualties of yesterday bombing at Sho`la.
And I’m feeling afraid of what might happen to us while we are in our houses, I think everyone thinks everyday might be his last one.
They broadcasted news about a suicide bombing at Najaf…
We put a large plan of Iraq in our sitting room, so that we can trace where the Americans reached day by day. And where from are they going to enter Baghdad.
I was wondering… what ware we going to see first?
Tanks? Soldiers? Or helicopters?
Friday, March 28, 2003
Friday, the 28th of April 2003
Continuous close shooting didn’t stop in the morning, I was frightened. Didn’t understand what was happening…
The anti aircrafts guns were targeting something…
And suddenly something happened and it was a mess! People running in the streets and shouting! What’s happening??
“They shot down a small American plane”
Raed and Azzam went out to check what happened, and came back with a small part of the destroyed monitoring plane!
We kept it as a souvenir.
*****
At the evening, a missile attacked Sho`la Market, which is a real dense and poor area…
55 killed and around 50 injured… it is such a tragic painful thing to happen.
Hospitals we full of injured people, their families and the news channels people…
Today is a sad day… worse than the previous ones…
We started feeling insecure as civilians now…
When is all of this going to finish?
Continuous close shooting didn’t stop in the morning, I was frightened. Didn’t understand what was happening…
The anti aircrafts guns were targeting something…
And suddenly something happened and it was a mess! People running in the streets and shouting! What’s happening??
“They shot down a small American plane”
Raed and Azzam went out to check what happened, and came back with a small part of the destroyed monitoring plane!
We kept it as a souvenir.
*****
At the evening, a missile attacked Sho`la Market, which is a real dense and poor area…
55 killed and around 50 injured… it is such a tragic painful thing to happen.
Hospitals we full of injured people, their families and the news channels people…
Today is a sad day… worse than the previous ones…
We started feeling insecure as civilians now…
When is all of this going to finish?
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Thursday, the 27th of March 2003
It’s a sunny day, a bit cold though
My stomach-ache is gone after I took the medicine.
Yesterday’s night was so difficult and long, I didn’t care much about the bombing, but my stomach pain was killing me…
Life is going in a very slow motion,
And what is coming is still mysterious.
Is the situation going to settle down again?
I don’t believe so…
It’s a sunny day, a bit cold though
My stomach-ache is gone after I took the medicine.
Yesterday’s night was so difficult and long, I didn’t care much about the bombing, but my stomach pain was killing me…
Life is going in a very slow motion,
And what is coming is still mysterious.
Is the situation going to settle down again?
I don’t believe so…
Wednesday, the 26th of March 2003
I got up early in the morning, cleaned the floors, washed the bathrooms and washed the pathways in the garden.
The car park, the garden and our cars are in a pathetic condition because of the mud and dust of yesterday, in fact the dust and sand turned out to be mud after the rain of yesterday’s night. Everything is covered with red mud now!
They said tomorrow is the last dust day…
Today is a rainy day, but we still have dust all around…
I have a stomach-ache, and the Baboonej tea didn’t help me much. I feel that my life is really hard with all of this bombing, dust and stomach pain!
When are we going to get our life back? Kids go to their schools, Azzam and me go to our work, speak with customers, sell and buy, visit friends and neighbours,,,
When is life going to start again?
I got up early in the morning, cleaned the floors, washed the bathrooms and washed the pathways in the garden.
The car park, the garden and our cars are in a pathetic condition because of the mud and dust of yesterday, in fact the dust and sand turned out to be mud after the rain of yesterday’s night. Everything is covered with red mud now!
They said tomorrow is the last dust day…
Today is a rainy day, but we still have dust all around…
I have a stomach-ache, and the Baboonej tea didn’t help me much. I feel that my life is really hard with all of this bombing, dust and stomach pain!
When are we going to get our life back? Kids go to their schools, Azzam and me go to our work, speak with customers, sell and buy, visit friends and neighbours,,,
When is life going to start again?
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Tuesday, the 25th of March 2003
The bombing of last night was short, but concentrated. Most of it was far from our part of the city.
“Far away”, Azzam said, “means it’s against the Iraqi army bases”.
I feel very sad for those fighting in the Iraqi army; neither new military equipments nor modern military plans are available for them. There is no sense to compare between the capabilities of the two armies, a destroyed miserable army on one hand, and an extremely high-tech one on the other hand.
I took a long deep after noon nap, and woke up at around six. Bombing stopped at one in the morning because of the bad weather,,,
In the silence and darkness of yesterday’s night, we could hear the noise of the American fighters flying in the sky in Baghdad from time to time, and I wondered: couldn’t this military pilot get himself another job?!
Did he really try to find other alternatives before accepting this evil job?!
I smiles, and hid under the cover… one thousand answers attacked me in my shelter: the same pilot in the point of view of his home citizens is a great hero, and an evil criminal in our point of view!
*****
The dusty weather and strong wind gave us a real quite day! With no explosions!
The dust became very dense in the afternoon, the sky was orange and sometimes red, and I couldn’t breathe because of the concentrated sand in the air.
The funny thing that we couldn’t close our windows; if we closed them a single near explosion would break all the glass!
We spent the night choking! What a happy day!
The bombing of last night was short, but concentrated. Most of it was far from our part of the city.
“Far away”, Azzam said, “means it’s against the Iraqi army bases”.
I feel very sad for those fighting in the Iraqi army; neither new military equipments nor modern military plans are available for them. There is no sense to compare between the capabilities of the two armies, a destroyed miserable army on one hand, and an extremely high-tech one on the other hand.
I took a long deep after noon nap, and woke up at around six. Bombing stopped at one in the morning because of the bad weather,,,
In the silence and darkness of yesterday’s night, we could hear the noise of the American fighters flying in the sky in Baghdad from time to time, and I wondered: couldn’t this military pilot get himself another job?!
Did he really try to find other alternatives before accepting this evil job?!
I smiles, and hid under the cover… one thousand answers attacked me in my shelter: the same pilot in the point of view of his home citizens is a great hero, and an evil criminal in our point of view!
*****
The dusty weather and strong wind gave us a real quite day! With no explosions!
The dust became very dense in the afternoon, the sky was orange and sometimes red, and I couldn’t breathe because of the concentrated sand in the air.
The funny thing that we couldn’t close our windows; if we closed them a single near explosion would break all the glass!
We spent the night choking! What a happy day!
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Monday the 24th of March 2003
My face is pale, I cannot sleep neither during the night, nor during the day time.
We can hear the explosions all the day long, they say Americans are bombing the surrounding areas of Baghdad… preparing to enter the city.
Yesterday the Iraqi television put on the pictures and interviews with American prisoners… I don’t like to se these things at all
The situation is getting worse, battles in the south to invade the Iraqi cities, Iraqi resistance and press conferences.
We had an electricity black out for some hours, and its cloudy and clod today. I’m not in the mood to do anything, I feel tired and sleepy… dreaming of the end of this nightmare.
When is it going to happen??
I have extra fee time, that I would wish to have in my ordinary life… but it’s a depressing hateful free time now! Full of sirens and explosions!
I don’t like it at all.
My face is pale, I cannot sleep neither during the night, nor during the day time.
We can hear the explosions all the day long, they say Americans are bombing the surrounding areas of Baghdad… preparing to enter the city.
Yesterday the Iraqi television put on the pictures and interviews with American prisoners… I don’t like to se these things at all
The situation is getting worse, battles in the south to invade the Iraqi cities, Iraqi resistance and press conferences.
We had an electricity black out for some hours, and its cloudy and clod today. I’m not in the mood to do anything, I feel tired and sleepy… dreaming of the end of this nightmare.
When is it going to happen??
I have extra fee time, that I would wish to have in my ordinary life… but it’s a depressing hateful free time now! Full of sirens and explosions!
I don’t like it at all.
Monday, March 24, 2003
Sunday, the 23rd of March 2003
The bombing of yesterday was far away…
I was anxious waiting for the American fighters to come until ten o’clock, it was very quite and calm then… what a great thing to live without bombing!
At the late night we heard some small explosions…
I spent the morning time cocking, washing dishes and completing the other stupid housewife work… it’s fine though because it lets me work and forget about the war for while…
After lunch I went to visit our neighbors and we enjoyed drinking Chai together.
At the evening, I took another sleeping pill at nine hoping that it would help me sleep…
We had our lunch in the safe room, and I slept at ten thirty.
Then at around one in the morning we woke up on a huge enormous very near explosion, maybe it was the airport…
The ground was moving as if it was an earth quake… like if something was digging deep in the ground…
Huge explosions and earthquakes continued until the morning…
We spent the night trying to take some short naps between one big explosion and another.
The bombing of yesterday was far away…
I was anxious waiting for the American fighters to come until ten o’clock, it was very quite and calm then… what a great thing to live without bombing!
At the late night we heard some small explosions…
I spent the morning time cocking, washing dishes and completing the other stupid housewife work… it’s fine though because it lets me work and forget about the war for while…
After lunch I went to visit our neighbors and we enjoyed drinking Chai together.
At the evening, I took another sleeping pill at nine hoping that it would help me sleep…
We had our lunch in the safe room, and I slept at ten thirty.
Then at around one in the morning we woke up on a huge enormous very near explosion, maybe it was the airport…
The ground was moving as if it was an earth quake… like if something was digging deep in the ground…
Huge explosions and earthquakes continued until the morning…
We spent the night trying to take some short naps between one big explosion and another.
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Saturday the 22nd of March 2003
Yesterday’s night was a disaster
Explosions were huge, they shook houses and broke windows… missile attacks…
Now… we could see the ugly face of the war
We went through real terrifying moments; I covered my face with my hands and read some verses of Qur’aan
I was frightened to death!
The room was shaking, curtains flew in the air after every missile explodes, and there were just few seconds between one missile and the next…
I took a sleeping pill, and felt so sleepy… when the bombing went a bit far from our area, Azzam went to prepare dinner, but I refused to leave the room.
The whole family sleeps in one room, in the deepest part of our house; far from the street… we called it the safe room.
Most of the other families have their safe rooms too… and they sleep together there.
We had our dinner in the same room, and I slept on the floor even without washing my hands…
I woke up in the time of Athan (announcement) of dawn prayer, and I could still hear explosions coming from far away, and all the mosques praying and repeating Allaho Akbar .. Allaho Akbar (God is the greatest).
My soul felt secure and safe, I finished my Wodooa (washing before praying) and prayed for god.
Then sirens were screaming again announcing a beginning of a new attack, I was very sleepy though, and I went in a deep sleep with the rest of the family.
At the early morning many of our relatives phoned us, Hamdella As Salama .. Hamdella As Salama (appreciation to god for your safety) … it seems that everyone heard in the news that bombing was near hour neighbourhood last night.
Yesterday’s night was a disaster
Explosions were huge, they shook houses and broke windows… missile attacks…
Now… we could see the ugly face of the war
We went through real terrifying moments; I covered my face with my hands and read some verses of Qur’aan
I was frightened to death!
The room was shaking, curtains flew in the air after every missile explodes, and there were just few seconds between one missile and the next…
I took a sleeping pill, and felt so sleepy… when the bombing went a bit far from our area, Azzam went to prepare dinner, but I refused to leave the room.
The whole family sleeps in one room, in the deepest part of our house; far from the street… we called it the safe room.
Most of the other families have their safe rooms too… and they sleep together there.
We had our dinner in the same room, and I slept on the floor even without washing my hands…
I woke up in the time of Athan (announcement) of dawn prayer, and I could still hear explosions coming from far away, and all the mosques praying and repeating Allaho Akbar .. Allaho Akbar (God is the greatest).
My soul felt secure and safe, I finished my Wodooa (washing before praying) and prayed for god.
Then sirens were screaming again announcing a beginning of a new attack, I was very sleepy though, and I went in a deep sleep with the rest of the family.
At the early morning many of our relatives phoned us, Hamdella As Salama .. Hamdella As Salama (appreciation to god for your safety) … it seems that everyone heard in the news that bombing was near hour neighbourhood last night.
Saturday, March 22, 2003
I didnt write anything today..
Friday, March 21, 2003
Thursday the 20th of March, 2003
We heard the sirens, and the first attack started… after the dawn prayer.
I went running to the down floor, everyone was awake. I arranged the breakfast and we enjoyed eating together. We discussed some different topics and laughed.
Our family was lucky because we had a satellite receiver that we hide, we watched some news channels, everyone in the world was watching us.
Bombing was far way, it didn’t seem to be dangerous, maybe it would be more dangerous next days..
News said this is just the beginning, and the next attack will be huge.
*****
The evening bombing lasted for more than one hour, I could clearly hear the sound of missiles falling down, and the anti aircraft guns shooting and shooting…
My stomach hurts and I feel depressed…
How many days are we going to stay like this? Like prisoners... with no life and no work or production…
It’s a silly way to solve problems… these wars…
When is this stupid movie going to finish and the normal life comes again?
We heard the sirens, and the first attack started… after the dawn prayer.
I went running to the down floor, everyone was awake. I arranged the breakfast and we enjoyed eating together. We discussed some different topics and laughed.
Our family was lucky because we had a satellite receiver that we hide, we watched some news channels, everyone in the world was watching us.
Bombing was far way, it didn’t seem to be dangerous, maybe it would be more dangerous next days..
News said this is just the beginning, and the next attack will be huge.
*****
The evening bombing lasted for more than one hour, I could clearly hear the sound of missiles falling down, and the anti aircraft guns shooting and shooting…
My stomach hurts and I feel depressed…
How many days are we going to stay like this? Like prisoners... with no life and no work or production…
It’s a silly way to solve problems… these wars…
When is this stupid movie going to finish and the normal life comes again?
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Wednesday the 19th of March 2003
I spent the day doing some housewife work, washing clothes and cleaning the kitchen…
I didn’t go to work today, we evacuated our showrooms and they look sad and empty…
We took everything to the stores, everything…
All the shops are closed, streets are empty, houses are full or their owners and some relatives that came running away form their unsafe places.
Some houses are empty; their owners left Baghdad, or maybe left Iraq.
It’s very quiet and silent outside, but I can feel the silence smiling and telling us “you’ll miss me”
I feel uncomfortable because of this unexpected change in our every day’s schedule; no schools, no work, no going out from the house.
I’m not even sure that my mood will let me be ready to read a book.
*****
I had a dream some days ago, for me standing in a large green garden… in the middle of the garden there was a house, and there was a fence for the garden that had a small broken part… so a yellow long snake came from the broken part… and came around the house, and people ran away from the house. Then some smaller snakes came out from the big one and hid behind the bushes.
On the roof of the house I saw some water tanks leaking, and men trying to fix them and protect us from the falling water…
After that I saw ourselves in a safe house, and a black dog came running, he seemed to be very tired… I felt sad and asked what’s wrong with him? I was told that his sons were taken from him…
My neighbour says that maybe this is a symbol of Saddam and that this would be his end…
I remembered my father, he used to say: who takes the chair (authority) with blood, won’t leave it except with blood.
My heart felt sad and insecure… a snake in the dream means an enemy… and my dream ment that iraq is going to be invaded.
I spent the day doing some housewife work, washing clothes and cleaning the kitchen…
I didn’t go to work today, we evacuated our showrooms and they look sad and empty…
We took everything to the stores, everything…
All the shops are closed, streets are empty, houses are full or their owners and some relatives that came running away form their unsafe places.
Some houses are empty; their owners left Baghdad, or maybe left Iraq.
It’s very quiet and silent outside, but I can feel the silence smiling and telling us “you’ll miss me”
I feel uncomfortable because of this unexpected change in our every day’s schedule; no schools, no work, no going out from the house.
I’m not even sure that my mood will let me be ready to read a book.
*****
I had a dream some days ago, for me standing in a large green garden… in the middle of the garden there was a house, and there was a fence for the garden that had a small broken part… so a yellow long snake came from the broken part… and came around the house, and people ran away from the house. Then some smaller snakes came out from the big one and hid behind the bushes.
On the roof of the house I saw some water tanks leaking, and men trying to fix them and protect us from the falling water…
After that I saw ourselves in a safe house, and a black dog came running, he seemed to be very tired… I felt sad and asked what’s wrong with him? I was told that his sons were taken from him…
My neighbour says that maybe this is a symbol of Saddam and that this would be his end…
I remembered my father, he used to say: who takes the chair (authority) with blood, won’t leave it except with blood.
My heart felt sad and insecure… a snake in the dream means an enemy… and my dream ment that iraq is going to be invaded.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Tuesday, the 18th of March 2003
A forty eight hours awareness was made today by Bush to Saddam, everyone in the city went to work, but the environment is depressed, and the smell of war is all over the place.
Streets are full of sand bags used as fighting positions, and huge halls in the ground of Baghdad full of burning oil to cover the sky of the city and prevent the American fighters to see clear.
People running to collect food and other important things before hiding in their houses, everyone is trying to see his friends and family before going to hide, who can tell, maybe this will be the last time we meet!
*****
Every Iraqi house is full with food rations; rice, sugar and flour… beans and canned vegetables…
Juices and mineral water…
Soap, washing powder and hygiene paper…
Petrol for the cars, diesel for the generators…
And most houses have wells in their backyards too!
The war is coming soon!!!
*****
In my way back home, I bought many other things…
And I went to a small plant house, and brought ten flower plants, with different colors and shapes.
I decided to enjoy life until the last moment!
*****
I want to go in a tour around Baghdad, a good bye tour.
I don’t know, maybe I’ll leave this world
Maybe some parts of Baghdad will disappear…
And I want to see the river, Tigris, before the war begins.
*****
I couldn’t go in my evening tour…
Raed went out to visit his friends and forgot my car’s keys in his pocket///
I felt very bad…
So I just went to visit my neighbours to have some chai, and speak about the war and what everyone is expecting
I came back home feeling alienated and anxious.
But one thing is letting me feel comfortable, that Raed is with us. Alhamdu lellah that the whole family is together, if Raed was in Amman now he would have been feeling worried thinking about us, and the same would have been here too.
A forty eight hours awareness was made today by Bush to Saddam, everyone in the city went to work, but the environment is depressed, and the smell of war is all over the place.
Streets are full of sand bags used as fighting positions, and huge halls in the ground of Baghdad full of burning oil to cover the sky of the city and prevent the American fighters to see clear.
People running to collect food and other important things before hiding in their houses, everyone is trying to see his friends and family before going to hide, who can tell, maybe this will be the last time we meet!
*****
Every Iraqi house is full with food rations; rice, sugar and flour… beans and canned vegetables…
Juices and mineral water…
Soap, washing powder and hygiene paper…
Petrol for the cars, diesel for the generators…
And most houses have wells in their backyards too!
The war is coming soon!!!
*****
In my way back home, I bought many other things…
And I went to a small plant house, and brought ten flower plants, with different colors and shapes.
I decided to enjoy life until the last moment!
*****
I want to go in a tour around Baghdad, a good bye tour.
I don’t know, maybe I’ll leave this world
Maybe some parts of Baghdad will disappear…
And I want to see the river, Tigris, before the war begins.
*****
I couldn’t go in my evening tour…
Raed went out to visit his friends and forgot my car’s keys in his pocket///
I felt very bad…
So I just went to visit my neighbours to have some chai, and speak about the war and what everyone is expecting
I came back home feeling alienated and anxious.
But one thing is letting me feel comfortable, that Raed is with us. Alhamdu lellah that the whole family is together, if Raed was in Amman now he would have been feeling worried thinking about us, and the same would have been here too.
Monday, March 17, 2003
الثلاثاء 18/3/003
منذ صباح اليوم بدأ إنذار لمدة 48 ساعة ...وجهه بوش الى صدام .
ذهبت الى العمل...الدنيا كئيبة, رائحة الحرب تسيطر على أجواء المدينة..
يوجد في الشوارع أكياس رمل متكدسة كمواقع للقتال والدفاع...
وقنوات محفورة في أماكن مختلفة من بغداد , تشتعل فيها النيران , ودخان أسود يتصاعد
الى السماء , لتضليل الطائرات المعادية...
الناس يركضون لشراء متطلبات الحياة قبل الإختباء في البيوت .
ويودع بعضهم بعضا...إما وجها لوجه , أو على الهاتف...
من يدري , ربما لن نلتقي ثانية...
****
كل البيوت امتلأت من الخزين, رز وسكر وطحين...وحبوب للطبخ, ومعلبات لحوم وخضار
وعلب عصائر وقناني مشروبات غازية..وقناني مياه معدنية...
وصابون ومساحيق غسيل ومحارم ورقية ...
وبنزين للسيارات وديزل للمولدة..
ومعظم البيوت حفرت آبارا في حديقة البيت...
رائحة الحرب تقترب!
*****
في طريق عودتي للبيت, اشتريت أغراضا كثيرة...
ثم مررت على مشتل مجاور, واشتريت عشر شتلات ورد, مختلفة الألوان والأشكال..
إنها تعبير مني بالرغبة بالإستمتاع بالحياة حتى آخر لحظة .
*****
أريد أن أخرج في جولة حول بغداد..جولة وداع.
لا أدري ربما سأغيب عن الدنيا..
ربما ستغيب بعض علامات بغداد عن الدنيا..
وأريد أن أرى نهر دجلة, قبل الحرب.
****
لم أتمكن من الخروج مساء في جولة...
رائد خرج ونسي مفاتيح سيارتي في جيبه...
انزعجت كثيرا...
ذهبت للجيران لشرب الشاي, والحديث عن الحرب والتوقعات..
عدت للبيت , عندي شعور بالوحشة, ونفسي قلقة.
لكني مرتاحة من شيء واحد...رائد معنا..الحمد لله العائلة كاملة, لو بقي رائد في عمان
سيظل قلقا علينا, وسنظل نفكر فيه..
*****
الأربعاء 19/3/003
قضيت النهار في الأعمال المنزلية, غسيل وترتيب البيت والطبخ...
لم أذهب للعمل...المحل فارغ ومنظره يحزنني..
عملنا حالة إخلاء تامة....سحبنا البضاعة للمخازن.
المحلات التجارية كلها مغلقة...الشوارع شبه فارغة, البيوت مليئة ومزدحمة بأهل البيت والأقارب , الذين
يسكنون في مناطق حساسة محتمل قصفها بالطيران...
بعض البيوت خالية...سافر أهلها خارج بغداد , أو خارج العراق...
الدنيا هدوء...هدوء كأنه يستهزيء ويقول...سوف تفتقدوني..
عندي قلق وانزعاج من تغير برنامج الحياة اليومية...لا مدارس , لا عمل , لا خروج من البيت.
هل سأكون بمزاج يسمح لي بقراءة كتاب؟ أو محاضرة من معهد الكومبيوتر؟
*****
حلمت قبل أيام أنني أقف في حديقة كبيرة خضراء...ووسط الحديقة بيت, ويوجد سور للحديقة, مكسور من مكان
ما...فدخلت منه افعى طويلة صفراء...ثم التفت حول البيت وهرب الناس, ونزل من بطن الأفعى حيات صغيرات
اختبأت خلف الأشجار.
وفوق البيت ثمة خزانات تفور وتسكب الماء على رؤوسنا ,,ويوجد رجال يجاهدون لتغطية الخزانات وعدم نزول
شيء منها
يؤذينا...
ثم رأيت أننا نسكن في بيت آمن , والباب مفتوح على الشارع...وجاء كلب أسود يلهث , والزبد يخرج من جانبي
فمه...وكأنه يلفظ أنفاسه...حزنت عليه وسألت ما به ؟ فقالوا شيئا عن أولاده ...لم أفهم بالضبط , ربما
قالوا أخذوا منه أولاده...
جارتي تقول إن هذا الذي رأيته هوصدام وهذه نهايته...
وتذكرت أبي يقول ...الذي يستلم كرسي الحكم بالدم, لايتنازل عنه الا بالدم ...
انكمش قلبي من الخوف مما سيأتي....رؤية الأفعى في المنام يعني عدو...ودخولها الى الحديقة والبيت يعني
سيتم غزو العراق...
******
صباح الخميس 20/3/003
بدأت صفارة الإنذار, وبدأت الغارة الأولى...بعد صلاة الفجر.
نزلت الى الطابق السفلي بسرعة, وكل العائلة مستيقظة , عملت الفطور..واستمتعنا بتناوله سوية...تحدثنا
في مواضيع مختلفة وضحكنا...تابعنا البث على الفضائيات...بث حي ومباشرمن بغداد...العالم كله يرى ما
يحدث....(عندنا ستلايت )
القصف بعيد ولا خطر علينا . الأيام القادمة ربما سيكون القصف أقرب ...
كان وقت الغارة قصيرا...ثم ساد الهدوء...
الأخبار تقول إنه البداية وستأتي الضربة الكبيرة لاحقا....
*****
مساء الخميس
القصف عاد حوالي التاسعة ليلا.....
استمر لمدة ساعة أو أكثر...صوت صواريخ تسقط ومقاومة أرضية ترد عليها...
معدتي تتقلص من الإزعاج...وسيطرت علي كآبة...
كم يوما سنظل محبوسين هكذا...بلا حياة أو عمل أو إنتاج ؟
إنها طريقة سخيفة لحل المشاكل...هذه الحروب.
متى سينتهي هذا الفيلم السخيف وتعود الحياة طبيعية...فيها حركة ونشاط وعمل ؟
******
صباح السبت 22/3/003
كانت ليلة أمس كارثية...
أصوات الإنفجارات تهز البيوت وتكسر نوافذ الشبابيك, قصف بالصواريخ...
الآن ..بدأت الحرب تظهر بوجهها القبيح...
كانت لحظات رعب حقيقية, وكنت أغطي وجهي وأصلي في قلبي وأقرأ آيات من القران...
وكنت سأموت من الرعب..
الغرفة تهتز...والستائر تتطاير من أمام النافذة المفتوحة بعد كل صاروخ ينزل... وبين الواحد والآخر
ثواني معدودة..
أخذت حبة فاليوم..وأحسست بنعاس شديد, وحين ابتعد القصف عن بيتنا , ذهب عزام ليعمل العشاء...أنا رفضت
الخروج من الغرفة.
كل العائلة تنام في غرفة واحدة....في الجزء العميق من البيت , البعيد عن الشارع...أسميناها الغرفة
المحصنة.
كل العوائل عملوا نفس الخطوة...ينامون في أكثر الغرف آمانا في البيت.
تعشيت في نفس الغرفة ونمت على الأرض دون أن أغسل يدي أو فمي....
صحوت مع أذان الفجر...ما زال صوت إنفجارت بعيدة, والمكبرات فيها نداء الله أكبر...الله أكبر.
أعطتني شعورا بالأمان..توضأت وصليت..ثم عادت صافرة الإنذارتعلن بداية غارة جديدة...لكني كنت متعبة
جدا..فغرقت في النوم...وكل من في الغرفة يغط في نوم عميق....
في الصباح جاءت مكالمات كثيرة من الأصدقاء والأقارب...الحمد لله على السلامة..الحمد لله على السلامة .
انتشرت الأخبار ان القصف كان في منطقتنا ليلة أمس ...
*****
صباح الأحد 23/3/003
كان القصف مساء أمس بعيدا بالطائرات...
بقيت قلقة أتوقع قدوم الطائرات حتى العاشرة..الدنيا هدوء...ما أجمل الحياة بدون قصف.
في الليل أصوات انفجارات بعيدة...
قضيت النهار بالطبخ وغسيل الصحون والأعمال المنزلية الغبية...لا بد منها في وقت الشدة, فهي تذهب الملل
والكسل والتفكير والقلق...
بعد الغداء زرت الجيران وشربت الشاي...
****
مساء الأحد
أخذت حبة فاليوم حوالي التاسعة عساني أنام...
تعشيت ونمت بعد العاشرة والنصف, صحوت في الواحدة على صوت إنفجار عظيم وقريب ...ربما في المطار..قصف من
الطائرات .
الأرض تهتز كأنها زلزال..وكأن شيئا يحفر الأرض عميقا ..تسقط صواريخ مزدوجة واحد تلو الآخر من
الطائرة..ثم تبتعد ويسود سكون...
صوت قصف في مكان أبعد , ثم يعود الينا...يتكرر الصوت القوي المؤذي ..وترتج الأرض , ويسود سكون..
هكذا استمر الحال حتى الصباح ., أنام وأصحو على شدة الصوت... ثم أعود لأنام..
*****
صباح الأثنين 24/3/003
وجهي شاحب من قلة النوم...لا في النهار ولا في الليل...
أصوات قصف متقطع بعيد طوال النهار...حول أطراف بغداد..يقولون هذا تمهيد لدخول بغداد..
أمس عرضوا صور الأسرى الأمريكيين على التلفزيون, لا أحب رؤية هذه المشاهد...
الأحوال تزداد سوءا...معارك في الجنوب لإقتحام المدن العراقية...ومقاومة عراقية شديدة...ومؤتمرات
صحفية.
انطفأت الكهرباء.لعدة ساعات ثم عادت.....الجو غائم وبارد وكئيب...لا مزاج عندي لعمل أي شيء..نعسانة
وتعبانه..وأحلم بنهاية لكل هذا الكابوس ...
متى سيحدث هذا ؟؟؟
عندي فائض من الوقت , كنت أتمنى لوعندي مثله في حياتي اليومية العادية...لكنه فائض غير مرغوب به..فهو
كئيب سخيف محبط , وفيه أصوات قصف وصفارات إنذار...
لا يعجبني .....
****
الثلاثاء 25/3/003
كان قصف الليلة الماضية قصير الوقت لكنه كثيف..قليل منه كان قريبا , معظمه كان بعيدا...
البعيد , عزام يقول إنه ضد مواقع تمركز الجيش العراقي...أحزن من أجل اولئك الذين في الجيش...لا معدات
عسكرية حديثة .ولا تموين كافي ولا خطط جيدة ربما...لا مجال للمقارنة بين هذا الجيش البائس
المحطم...وبين جيش مهاجم يملك كل التكنولوجيا الحديثة ويجربها علينا , ويستعرضها أمام العالم...
صحوت في السادسة صباحا...نمت نوما عميقا . القصف توقف منذ الواحدة ليلا من سوء الأحوال الجوية...
في ظلام اليل وسكونه...وهدير الطائرة فقط يسمع..فكرت مع نفسي : هذا قائد الطائرة , الم يجد مهنة غير
هذه ؟؟
هل انسدت عليه أبواب الرزق فلم يجد سوى هذه المهنة الشريرة؟؟
ابتسمت مع نفسي , وأختبأت تحت الغطاء...وسمعت ألف جواب ..فهو في نظر دولته ومواطنيه , بطل قومي...وفي
نظرنا..مجرم شرير...
*****
الجو غائم وفيه غبار ورياح سريعة..اليوم هدوء ولا قصف من الجو..
بعد الظهر...صار الغبار كثير وخانق, لون السماء برتقالي وأحمر وغبار كثير...
القصف في الليل قليل , لكن الغبار خانق داخل البيت وخارجه...لا نقدر أن نغلق النوافذ خوف تكسرها من
العصف...
سعادة لا توصف...
****
منذ صباح اليوم بدأ إنذار لمدة 48 ساعة ...وجهه بوش الى صدام .
ذهبت الى العمل...الدنيا كئيبة, رائحة الحرب تسيطر على أجواء المدينة..
يوجد في الشوارع أكياس رمل متكدسة كمواقع للقتال والدفاع...
وقنوات محفورة في أماكن مختلفة من بغداد , تشتعل فيها النيران , ودخان أسود يتصاعد
الى السماء , لتضليل الطائرات المعادية...
الناس يركضون لشراء متطلبات الحياة قبل الإختباء في البيوت .
ويودع بعضهم بعضا...إما وجها لوجه , أو على الهاتف...
من يدري , ربما لن نلتقي ثانية...
****
كل البيوت امتلأت من الخزين, رز وسكر وطحين...وحبوب للطبخ, ومعلبات لحوم وخضار
وعلب عصائر وقناني مشروبات غازية..وقناني مياه معدنية...
وصابون ومساحيق غسيل ومحارم ورقية ...
وبنزين للسيارات وديزل للمولدة..
ومعظم البيوت حفرت آبارا في حديقة البيت...
رائحة الحرب تقترب!
*****
في طريق عودتي للبيت, اشتريت أغراضا كثيرة...
ثم مررت على مشتل مجاور, واشتريت عشر شتلات ورد, مختلفة الألوان والأشكال..
إنها تعبير مني بالرغبة بالإستمتاع بالحياة حتى آخر لحظة .
*****
أريد أن أخرج في جولة حول بغداد..جولة وداع.
لا أدري ربما سأغيب عن الدنيا..
ربما ستغيب بعض علامات بغداد عن الدنيا..
وأريد أن أرى نهر دجلة, قبل الحرب.
****
لم أتمكن من الخروج مساء في جولة...
رائد خرج ونسي مفاتيح سيارتي في جيبه...
انزعجت كثيرا...
ذهبت للجيران لشرب الشاي, والحديث عن الحرب والتوقعات..
عدت للبيت , عندي شعور بالوحشة, ونفسي قلقة.
لكني مرتاحة من شيء واحد...رائد معنا..الحمد لله العائلة كاملة, لو بقي رائد في عمان
سيظل قلقا علينا, وسنظل نفكر فيه..
*****
الأربعاء 19/3/003
قضيت النهار في الأعمال المنزلية, غسيل وترتيب البيت والطبخ...
لم أذهب للعمل...المحل فارغ ومنظره يحزنني..
عملنا حالة إخلاء تامة....سحبنا البضاعة للمخازن.
المحلات التجارية كلها مغلقة...الشوارع شبه فارغة, البيوت مليئة ومزدحمة بأهل البيت والأقارب , الذين
يسكنون في مناطق حساسة محتمل قصفها بالطيران...
بعض البيوت خالية...سافر أهلها خارج بغداد , أو خارج العراق...
الدنيا هدوء...هدوء كأنه يستهزيء ويقول...سوف تفتقدوني..
عندي قلق وانزعاج من تغير برنامج الحياة اليومية...لا مدارس , لا عمل , لا خروج من البيت.
هل سأكون بمزاج يسمح لي بقراءة كتاب؟ أو محاضرة من معهد الكومبيوتر؟
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حلمت قبل أيام أنني أقف في حديقة كبيرة خضراء...ووسط الحديقة بيت, ويوجد سور للحديقة, مكسور من مكان
ما...فدخلت منه افعى طويلة صفراء...ثم التفت حول البيت وهرب الناس, ونزل من بطن الأفعى حيات صغيرات
اختبأت خلف الأشجار.
وفوق البيت ثمة خزانات تفور وتسكب الماء على رؤوسنا ,,ويوجد رجال يجاهدون لتغطية الخزانات وعدم نزول
شيء منها
يؤذينا...
ثم رأيت أننا نسكن في بيت آمن , والباب مفتوح على الشارع...وجاء كلب أسود يلهث , والزبد يخرج من جانبي
فمه...وكأنه يلفظ أنفاسه...حزنت عليه وسألت ما به ؟ فقالوا شيئا عن أولاده ...لم أفهم بالضبط , ربما
قالوا أخذوا منه أولاده...
جارتي تقول إن هذا الذي رأيته هوصدام وهذه نهايته...
وتذكرت أبي يقول ...الذي يستلم كرسي الحكم بالدم, لايتنازل عنه الا بالدم ...
انكمش قلبي من الخوف مما سيأتي....رؤية الأفعى في المنام يعني عدو...ودخولها الى الحديقة والبيت يعني
سيتم غزو العراق...
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صباح الخميس 20/3/003
بدأت صفارة الإنذار, وبدأت الغارة الأولى...بعد صلاة الفجر.
نزلت الى الطابق السفلي بسرعة, وكل العائلة مستيقظة , عملت الفطور..واستمتعنا بتناوله سوية...تحدثنا
في مواضيع مختلفة وضحكنا...تابعنا البث على الفضائيات...بث حي ومباشرمن بغداد...العالم كله يرى ما
يحدث....(عندنا ستلايت )
القصف بعيد ولا خطر علينا . الأيام القادمة ربما سيكون القصف أقرب ...
كان وقت الغارة قصيرا...ثم ساد الهدوء...
الأخبار تقول إنه البداية وستأتي الضربة الكبيرة لاحقا....
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مساء الخميس
القصف عاد حوالي التاسعة ليلا.....
استمر لمدة ساعة أو أكثر...صوت صواريخ تسقط ومقاومة أرضية ترد عليها...
معدتي تتقلص من الإزعاج...وسيطرت علي كآبة...
كم يوما سنظل محبوسين هكذا...بلا حياة أو عمل أو إنتاج ؟
إنها طريقة سخيفة لحل المشاكل...هذه الحروب.
متى سينتهي هذا الفيلم السخيف وتعود الحياة طبيعية...فيها حركة ونشاط وعمل ؟
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صباح السبت 22/3/003
كانت ليلة أمس كارثية...
أصوات الإنفجارات تهز البيوت وتكسر نوافذ الشبابيك, قصف بالصواريخ...
الآن ..بدأت الحرب تظهر بوجهها القبيح...
كانت لحظات رعب حقيقية, وكنت أغطي وجهي وأصلي في قلبي وأقرأ آيات من القران...
وكنت سأموت من الرعب..
الغرفة تهتز...والستائر تتطاير من أمام النافذة المفتوحة بعد كل صاروخ ينزل... وبين الواحد والآخر
ثواني معدودة..
أخذت حبة فاليوم..وأحسست بنعاس شديد, وحين ابتعد القصف عن بيتنا , ذهب عزام ليعمل العشاء...أنا رفضت
الخروج من الغرفة.
كل العائلة تنام في غرفة واحدة....في الجزء العميق من البيت , البعيد عن الشارع...أسميناها الغرفة
المحصنة.
كل العوائل عملوا نفس الخطوة...ينامون في أكثر الغرف آمانا في البيت.
تعشيت في نفس الغرفة ونمت على الأرض دون أن أغسل يدي أو فمي....
صحوت مع أذان الفجر...ما زال صوت إنفجارت بعيدة, والمكبرات فيها نداء الله أكبر...الله أكبر.
أعطتني شعورا بالأمان..توضأت وصليت..ثم عادت صافرة الإنذارتعلن بداية غارة جديدة...لكني كنت متعبة
جدا..فغرقت في النوم...وكل من في الغرفة يغط في نوم عميق....
في الصباح جاءت مكالمات كثيرة من الأصدقاء والأقارب...الحمد لله على السلامة..الحمد لله على السلامة .
انتشرت الأخبار ان القصف كان في منطقتنا ليلة أمس ...
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صباح الأحد 23/3/003
كان القصف مساء أمس بعيدا بالطائرات...
بقيت قلقة أتوقع قدوم الطائرات حتى العاشرة..الدنيا هدوء...ما أجمل الحياة بدون قصف.
في الليل أصوات انفجارات بعيدة...
قضيت النهار بالطبخ وغسيل الصحون والأعمال المنزلية الغبية...لا بد منها في وقت الشدة, فهي تذهب الملل
والكسل والتفكير والقلق...
بعد الغداء زرت الجيران وشربت الشاي...
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مساء الأحد
أخذت حبة فاليوم حوالي التاسعة عساني أنام...
تعشيت ونمت بعد العاشرة والنصف, صحوت في الواحدة على صوت إنفجار عظيم وقريب ...ربما في المطار..قصف من
الطائرات .
الأرض تهتز كأنها زلزال..وكأن شيئا يحفر الأرض عميقا ..تسقط صواريخ مزدوجة واحد تلو الآخر من
الطائرة..ثم تبتعد ويسود سكون...
صوت قصف في مكان أبعد , ثم يعود الينا...يتكرر الصوت القوي المؤذي ..وترتج الأرض , ويسود سكون..
هكذا استمر الحال حتى الصباح ., أنام وأصحو على شدة الصوت... ثم أعود لأنام..
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صباح الأثنين 24/3/003
وجهي شاحب من قلة النوم...لا في النهار ولا في الليل...
أصوات قصف متقطع بعيد طوال النهار...حول أطراف بغداد..يقولون هذا تمهيد لدخول بغداد..
أمس عرضوا صور الأسرى الأمريكيين على التلفزيون, لا أحب رؤية هذه المشاهد...
الأحوال تزداد سوءا...معارك في الجنوب لإقتحام المدن العراقية...ومقاومة عراقية شديدة...ومؤتمرات
صحفية.
انطفأت الكهرباء.لعدة ساعات ثم عادت.....الجو غائم وبارد وكئيب...لا مزاج عندي لعمل أي شيء..نعسانة
وتعبانه..وأحلم بنهاية لكل هذا الكابوس ...
متى سيحدث هذا ؟؟؟
عندي فائض من الوقت , كنت أتمنى لوعندي مثله في حياتي اليومية العادية...لكنه فائض غير مرغوب به..فهو
كئيب سخيف محبط , وفيه أصوات قصف وصفارات إنذار...
لا يعجبني .....
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الثلاثاء 25/3/003
كان قصف الليلة الماضية قصير الوقت لكنه كثيف..قليل منه كان قريبا , معظمه كان بعيدا...
البعيد , عزام يقول إنه ضد مواقع تمركز الجيش العراقي...أحزن من أجل اولئك الذين في الجيش...لا معدات
عسكرية حديثة .ولا تموين كافي ولا خطط جيدة ربما...لا مجال للمقارنة بين هذا الجيش البائس
المحطم...وبين جيش مهاجم يملك كل التكنولوجيا الحديثة ويجربها علينا , ويستعرضها أمام العالم...
صحوت في السادسة صباحا...نمت نوما عميقا . القصف توقف منذ الواحدة ليلا من سوء الأحوال الجوية...
في ظلام اليل وسكونه...وهدير الطائرة فقط يسمع..فكرت مع نفسي : هذا قائد الطائرة , الم يجد مهنة غير
هذه ؟؟
هل انسدت عليه أبواب الرزق فلم يجد سوى هذه المهنة الشريرة؟؟
ابتسمت مع نفسي , وأختبأت تحت الغطاء...وسمعت ألف جواب ..فهو في نظر دولته ومواطنيه , بطل قومي...وفي
نظرنا..مجرم شرير...
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الجو غائم وفيه غبار ورياح سريعة..اليوم هدوء ولا قصف من الجو..
بعد الظهر...صار الغبار كثير وخانق, لون السماء برتقالي وأحمر وغبار كثير...
القصف في الليل قليل , لكن الغبار خانق داخل البيت وخارجه...لا نقدر أن نغلق النوافذ خوف تكسرها من
العصف...
سعادة لا توصف...
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